{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "HELP! Roommate is being insistent on not allowing either of us to go out due to covid (except for groceries). We live in Chicago, and phase 4 is starting in a few wks meaning most places will re-open with limited capacity. I’m not trying to go crazy here and hit up every club/restaurant/public place. But I’d like to enjoy a meal out or a small gathering at a friend’s place, things like that (w/ all proper precautions in place) but roommate is not cool with it -how to approach?", "post_id": "5ee7d3f24bda98001a4ab009", "reply_count": 43, "vote_count": 8, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting" }

HELP! Roommate is being insistent on not allowing either of us to go out due to covid (except for groceries). We live in Chicago, and phase 4 is starting in a few wks meaning most places will re-open with limited capacity. I’m not trying to go crazy here and hit up every club/restaurant/public place. But I’d like to enjoy a meal out or a small gathering at a friend’s place, things like that (w/ all proper precautions in place) but roommate is not cool with it -how to approach?

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Ignore all these ppl saying you’re a grown adult and can do whatever you want - that is no way to build or maintain a relationship (roommate or otherwise). You have a social contract with a roommate to compromise on living situations, even more so when you’re actually friends with your roommate. Everyone has different risk profiles and unfortunately it sounds like your roommate is very risk averse. I don’t really see a way out of this other than just continuing to social distance or find temporary living arrangements. Even if you get your roommate to reluctantly agree, she’s going to resent you and feel uncomfortable the entire time you’re living together. Sounds like a pretty miserable way to spend a year to me

likesmarthelpful

Op ru going into ofc for work if no longer wfh? Have you told your roommate this as well? This may impact her decision to come back...

Make sure she doesn't have pre-existing conditions or elderly loved ones she needs to safely visit. You don't necessarily know about pre-existing conditions without direct conversation. Source: I live with my boyfriend, who has diabetes. You wouldn't know, because he got it really young and is in shape now. Still needs to be careful, because it is a lot more dangerous to end up in a hospital these days. Source 2: My mom had cancer for the past year, was going for routine appointments, caught coronavirus there. "Recovered" according to lab tests a few weeks later, but coronavirus wrecked her lungs. She still ended up in hospice, and just died last week. Talk to your damn roommate. She isn't crazy.

helpful

And I’m so sorry to hear about your mother - hope you’re doing alright!

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I’m also in Chicago and thought we aren’t anywhere close to Phase 4 since we just entered Phase 3 less than 2 weeks ago? I understand it may be difficult since your roommate wants to be careful but you want to go out (cautiously). Have a discussion and see if you can work out a compromise. I understand her concern since you can’t guarantee the people you are meeting with or the places that you are going to are also following all precautions. I’m fairly “young” but considered “at risk” due to my lungs and would hope if I had a roommate, they would be understanding on why I would rather be cautious.

likehelpful

Glad you guys haven’t been fighting or anything yet - some of my friends are in deep issues with their roommates over this. Maybe try to catch her for a call in person to talk it through? I’m glad that you are trying to work things out! In her defense, I imagine it’s less of the cleaning and sanitation piece (though that is AWESOME for you guys to get on the same page on), because if you’re eating with friends, regardless of the group size (both outdoors and indoors), you could easily catch the virus from sharing the same air without a mask on (especially since new research is showing that droplets can stay in air for 10m). I think what she’s probably looking for is some sort of way to mitigate that concern. And she has no way to know if the people you’re meeting have been as cautious as you two, so there’s that too. I don’t have answers but maybe worth considering things from that angle - focusing on agreeing to socially distanced walks and outdoor hangs with masks on first, then over time discussing meals and such? If you can’t work things out, I’d try to figure out a different living situation to preserve the peace and friendship because you want both of you guys to be comfortable and not have grudges build from this (and frame it that way). I say this because I have friends that I just don’t talk to about Covid, because we know we differ and that’s better for both of us (and we don’t even live together) 😅

likehelpfulsmart

Honestly, my roomate did the opposite— went to parties, traveled cross state borders everything IN APRIL. It was so bad that I moved out months early and I’m never going to talk to her ever again. If you want to go out, I don’t think it’s practical to be able to stay safe. The economy needs to be open to be sustained, and there have been increases in the southern states that reopened faster. Just think about how you would feel if you infected your roomate.

likeupliftinghelpful

THIS ☝️☝️☝️☝️👏👏

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Gotta live alone or find roommates who agree with you.

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Ummmm it’s a roommate... not a babysitter... if you’ve tried having respectful talks and she’s still acting like that then 🤷🏼‍♀️

likefunny

I’d also make sure she’s not immune compromised. I am so I’m being more careful than others in my state just because of the extra risk. If she is, I’d just consider being a little extra compassionate and see if there are extra things you can do that might be a hassle but work for both of you.

likehelpful

Not that I’m aware of, but also she’s not visiting anyone who is in the near future anyways

I mean realistically if there is a second wave, isnt it kind of crazy to stay home completely until then? Tell your roommate it is their choice to stay home but you are going to appropriately gather and take all neccesary precautions including sanitizing and cleaning common areas

likehelpful

It's spread through droplets though. Sanitizing the common areas isn't going to do much good when everyone is breathing all over the place.

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Are you a grown adult or are you a child?

likefunny

Roommate might not like how OP handles there hygiene... you never know

I’m confused as to how she could possibly impact what you choose to do with yourself. She doesn’t sound logical. You can do what you want to do as long as your safe. Maybe express that to her but also remind her that you’re a grown adult.

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Why doesn't she sound logical? there are studies that show a lot of people who got sick are ones who stayed home and people they lived with brought it into the home they share

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Wait what? Is your roommate your mum?😳

likefunny

Thanks for being considerate of your roommate OP- although anyone objecting to what you do in your personal life would be unacceptable under any other circumstance, we are clearly dealing with a different scenario still battling a global pandemic that is very much active no matter what the opening phases are telling you. I hope the two of you find a middle ground, but otherwise agree that a different living arrangement may be best suited if you both have different risk tolerance.

likeupliftinghelpful

Um is she paying your bills ? 😂 the day my roomate tells me what I can and canot do outside my apartment

likehelpfulfunny

Literally, yes. Roommates both cover the cost of rent and usually if someone moves out and a replacement is not found, the rest of the rent is on the remaining roommate(s) to pay. Sooooo is this comment a joke?

likehelpful

At this point in time, it’s okay to start venturing out, reasonably. You pay rent, you make your own decisions. You get up and leave where you want, again interact with others within reason. When she is ready to be reasonable, you can set more reasonable expectations on safety etc. Btw, testing is free. Get tested for covid and antibodies on a monthly basis, that way you can both feel a certain level of safety.

likehelpful

Testing isn’t a cure for it. It just tells you if you have it.

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Talk to your roommate. Randos on the internet will not be helpful.

likefunny

Be friendly and logical and have a discussion. Set the boundary, tell her what precautions your taking and move on.

helpful

Maybe make sure they understand what it’s like to go out. I felt obligated into going out in wrigley this weekend, even though I didn’t want to, but I was pleasantly surprised at how it went. Masks unless you’re sitting at your own table, tables spread out, I even had tons of space between me and the others at my table. That may help her fears. I think it’s unreasonable for her to PREVENT you from leaving the house. She won’t even let you go out for a walk or something? Unless she has health reasons she’s not sharing that sounds so unreasonable.

helpful

I don’t think it’s reasonable for her to control your behavior to that degree. If you have separate bedrooms and bathrooms, then I think it’s reasonable for you each to stick to your own spaces as much as possible - avoid hanging out in the common areas together and be conscientious about cleaning and sanitizing and mask-wearing when you are out of your own room. And try to limit your socializing to small groups, outdoors, and social distancing. If one of you has to go back to an office in mid-July, that’s where the real danger is gonna be anyway. Shared workspaces, recycled air from the HVAC system, and extended contact is going to be where a lot of those “second wave” hotspots start.

helpful

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