Hey all, I’m having a rough time at my office and am wondering if anyone has gone through something similar and how it was handled. The male shareholders I work with say things that I know they would never say to me if I were male. I’ve thought about approaching HR to figure out how to get these shareholders to be more mindful of what they’re saying, but I’m also worried about being the “problematic” associate and being iced out because of it. Any advice would be super helpful. Thanks!

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What’s going on more specifically? Sometimes going to HR helps, but I understand your hesitancy about it too - like being identified or informally penalized for it

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“Work wife” and “work husband” are terms I have heard both men and women reference. The first time I heard this it was surprising, but it’s not typically what it sounds like (from what I have seen). It is your go-to person and typically the person at work you spend the most time with.

For those men who are raising their voices because you are quiet, drop the octave of your voice and see if that makes a difference. I was told to do this when I first started working as a prosecutor where many of the defense attorneys were older men. It works. I don’t even know what my true voice is anymore because I now always drop my voice out of habit.

Also, try walking towards men when speaking to them. Don’t get uncomfortably close, but don’t step back at all. I knew a male attorney once who tried to get under the skin of women by talking loudly and leaning over them. I am six feet tall and slightly taller than him. So, I would lean over him back and be just as loud and it irritated him to no end.

For being spoken over, stand there with a blank face and wait until they are through and ask “are you finished? I have something to say but don’t want to interrupt you.”

Finally, from what I have seen, the louder they are talking the more baseless their actual argument, typically. If they are screaming, then you are winning. A quiet win counts as much as a loud win.

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Call them out, or suffer. Period. If they retaliate find a new job.

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It's often a leadership issue. If you notice it in those above you I would just leave

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