Hey all. Looking for tips on engagement ring shopping. My SO and I recently decided to start looking at rings and he wants me to pick it out (makes sense given $$ drop). He has hinted that he is willing to spend around $20k which I wasn’t expecting (pleasantly surprised). I have gone down the rabbit hole of researching diamonds. I am now going back and forth either wanting the perfect ring to “should we really be spending this money.” I know my preferences but still overwhelmed by options and $$

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You could always go for a non-diamond stone if you want a bigger stone/fancier setting. Or a lab-grown diamond. That way you'll have more money for your wedding and/or savings! I have a gorgeous moissanite ring that is the size of a 2.5 carat diamond and it only cost $3k.

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Getting a ring or any expensive jewelry items insured is most definitely something do, and also quite a good idea ☺️

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I chose a lab diamond because I didn’t want my now husband to pay a fortune for a ring as well as ethical reasons. I’ve never regretted it. You get all the same properties and look with a lab diamond but without the money. At the end of the day though, you’re the one wearing it for the rest of your life. You need to do what’s best for you. I also suggest seeing them in person. There are a lot of properties that are hard to differentiate online. Also congrats! It’s such an exciting time!

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Big fan of lab grown diamonds - they look exactly the same as mined diamonds (I’m sure some hoity-toity people on here will disagree, but literally, unless you are a gemologist, there is no discernable difference). Moissanite is a great option too - has even greater radiance than diamonds. You should go somewhere that sells them and take a look.

My opinion is that unless you are both debt free, have bought a home, and have a year’s worth of savings - don’t spend that kind of money. The concept was literally created by diamond companies to sell diamonds - and don’t get me wrong, I LOVE pretty jewelry just as much as the next lady, but if it looks the same and you can save $18K for your future, it seems like a no-brainer.

Check out the Netflix show “Explained” (I think it’s a Vox series)…watch the episode on Diamonds. This will reaffirm everything I have said in a much more compelling way.

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Kpmg 3…thanks! I did some lab diamond research tonight and have mentioned it to my SO. He is def intrigued given that it is the same material and decently cheaper! Haha

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Hi guys! I am back and wanted to provide an epilogue to this. After much thought and research I ended up going with a lab diamond ring of around $6.5k (Diamond and setting) using James Allen. It’s beautiful and I love it! Specs are 1.5 ct, E, VS1. Cut is great and probably the thing I researched the most…I even bought an ideal scope and am thinking of continuing to look at gems as a hobby 😂 glad I didn’t have to spend $20k to find a ring I love :)

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Some tips-

Go to a local jeweler with your SO and try on a bunch of rings, different styles, different sizes, different cuts. Find the size/style/band color you like.

From there, your SO can partner with the jeweler to create a ring that fits your price point or lower. There are a lot of levers that can be pulled (lab vs mined Diamond, compromising on some of the Cs to focus on others)

Make sure you and your SO are both educated on the 4Cs before going there. My advice is don’t compromise on Cut, because that gives the ring its sparkle. Go for an excellent/ideal cut.

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Thanks guys! I have looked into the 4Cs for sure. Cut is my #1 priority…I want that sparkle! Would rather quality over size, I have small hands anyway. Thinking H and VS2 for other metrics. Pretty set on getting round brilliant and I def want a diamond. Not only is it the traditional engagement rock, but it is also my birth stone. Leaning towards solitaire setting but could see myself going with something vintage if I find one I like. My biggest issue with money is the mark up that everyone talks about with diamonds (both lab and natural). I would have less of a problem spending the money if the item held its value but that doesn’t seem like the case. I hear natural diamonds 1 ct plus hold value better but 🤷🏻‍♀️ going to try them on in person is a good advice, but from what I have seen so far ordering online seems to get a better price. Need to remember what this is ultimately about and stop obsessing over diamond dimensions…this is an exciting time :)

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TSD 1…I went on an Instagram hunt for antique rings last night and those are two of the accounts I started following! Nice to know I am on the right track. And yes, the rings are so beautiful! Even if I don’t end up buying directly I could use some design inspiration.

I have a sizable ring. It is beautiful! I never wear it. Between my hobbies (cycling, weight lifting, gardening, home improvement projects), kids, cooking and cleaning…it just isn’t practical to wear. I wear my wedding band and that is all. After 15 years, I’m not sure it is even my style anymore!

My advice is to consider your lifestyle & your financial position and decide if you really want the big ring (or a big price tag for a ring). If $20k is nothing to you both, go for it. If you have price anxiety, that is probably a value of yours popping it’s head up. Consider a less expensive option (lab grown, moissanite, another gemstone) if you want to have the fun bling without sinking a ton of money into something that may end up in the safe most days.

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I think it’s pretty nice that he wants to spend that much money. Sure, a less expensive lab grown or whatever else will do, but this is an experience for him as well and it would only be fair to factor his feelings into the decision. Might be a dream of his to buy his lady a $20K ring, (or not, I don’t know you guys personally) so if it doesn’t offend you, I say have fun shopping for the biggest sparkle $20K can buy 💍

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He has more of an affinity for nice things than I do that is for sure…but he basically wants me to pick whatever I want. he was like “I want you to be happy and get a ring you really love” ❤️ he is the best.

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If you are going to wear your ring every day, definitely want to make sure it’s something that is timeless and that you will love forever. i had a similar budget and picked out/designed the ring with my fiancé. I got a 3.5 carat, clear gray blue sapphire, with lab grown halo. It is very blingy and huge, I’m 4.75 size as well. I also know I will not be wearing every day so I liked going bigger. I went with not a traditional stone and lab grown diamond cause it seemed silly to drop that much money on a diamond. Instead, we’re going extra big on the honeymoon which I think will be much more worth the money.
Also, with any “real” diamond, there’s ethical issues I couldn’t get over.

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If you’re interested in vintage looks, Google “estate jewelers near me.” An estate jeweler buys jewelry from people selling family pieces, and you’re more likely to find those vintage looks that might have belonged to someone’s mother or grandmother from the 1st half of the 20th century (ie Art Deco looks from the 30s). If you’re in the DC or NYC areas, there are a ton of good ones around.

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From researching, I get the sense there is a lot of good stuff in New York …thinking of planning a weekend trip 😂

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Congratulations! Get whatever ring feels right to you! For me what felt right was a ruby heirloom.

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In the exact same boat here! My bf wants to go comically big since I don’t typically wear jewelry and he wants me to have something to show off.

My finger is apparently size 4.75 so I don’t know what would be practical from a daily wear standpoint—I had thought it was the average finger size of 6 or 7 but that was not the case when I got it measured 😂.

I’m set on a round brilliant lab diamond with roughly the same specs you laid out, but I’m torn between going for a 2 carat, which is really under budget and great for savings, or a 3 carat, which would still be under budget but much blingier. Theoretically I’d wear this for my entire life and maybe pass it along to a grandchild, so I’m not super anchored to resell value 😅

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A2 I have size 3 fingers and a 3.5 carat - do whatever you prefer since you’ll be wearing it every day!

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First of all, congratulations! ❤❤❤

Definitely go in to shops with your boyfriend and try on several different rings! I ended up wanting a style totally different from what I thought I would. That way you can see what different diamond sizes look like on your finger. And take pictures to think about different rings. It's a big decision and this is something you're going to wear for the rest of your life! Personally for that reason, I decided on a natural diamond (and still love my ring 5 years later). My ring was about 20k as well.

For size, you can look at a bunch of pictures but it helps to actually try it on and get a sense of how it feels on your finger. Follow Instagram accounts for ideas of what you like too, i.e. @idjewelry, @susiesaltzman @ohsoperfectproposal @annasheffield depending what your style is!

If you're going to buy a diamond like others have said you definitely don't want to pay the mark up of a big box store.

Good luck and congratulations again!! 🥰 such an exciting time!

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Start with a cheaper ring so you can upgrade on big anniversaries. We spent $1k originally (Sapphire and lab grown diamonds) and upgraded at 25 years to a bit bigger ($6k). I nannied for a Hollywood actress when I was younger and she has a CZ ring. They couldn’t justify spending the money on a ring that she would be afraid to lose on set.

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This might sound crazy, but has anyone ever looked at pawn shops? Seems like you could get a bargain there for something nice.

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Brilliant Earth is amazing!!

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Follow some Instagram accounts - I recommend ring concierge and the clear cut. They post lots of educational videos as well as examples of completed rings that you can use for inspiration (and forward to your SO). I recommend seeing the stone in person before purchasing if possible, and have a loupe ready.

As for the type of stone, that's a personal decision. As others have mentioned, lab ground diamonds are nearly identical to natural diamonds and far more affordable. I would 100% buy lab grown diamonds for earrings or other jewelry, but for my engagement ring I wanted natural. You'll know what's right for you.

One thing I recently discovered and was surprised to find out was that almost all moissanite is also lab grown. Just FYI in case that matters to you

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Wow thank you very helpful!

Just pick the setting you like, and let him pick the diamond. That way it’ll be in his budget without you guys needing to “hint” about budget. Just let him know what kind of stone you want - diamond/sapphire/lab made/etc.

Also, he should be the one researching the stone that fits your vision and his budget since it is his to give you.

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I guess hint is the wrong word…we have had pretty explicit convos. At first he was like “what would you get if $ wasn’t a factor?” And I was like “LOL you really don’t want to go down that road.” He would give a hard no to anything 40k and above and I think 20k is around what he was expecting to spend. I went into the convo thinking he would say like 8-10k hence my surprise. Initially I was leaning natural but starting to get convinced of designing my own lab one so I can get exactly what I want for less. No matter what I get or how much money, I want to pick out the exact ring and know what is going on. I am just that type of (anal) person. 😂

Yes, that’s true. Lots of them in/near the Diamond District (if you’re not familiar w/NY, it’s the general area around Rockefeller Center and the 500 block of 5th Avenue).

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