{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Hey ladies. Can we take a second to talk about friendship? As a working mother of two that works from home, I’m finding it hard to making friends or maintaining friendships. I’m the only one in my friend groups with kids and I feel left out and alone a lot of the time. Like I’ve been downgraded as a friend because I’m not as available. How have you built your tribe of support and friendship as an adult? Can anyone relate?", "post_id": "61e4515b46a608002b3aa243", "reply_count": 18, "vote_count": 12, "bowl_id": "5a0c9a1f61b01a001937c406", "bowl_name": "Working Moms", "feed_type": "bowl" }

Hey ladies. Can we take a second to talk about friendship? As a working mother of two that works from home, I’m finding it hard to making friends or maintaining friendships. I’m the only one in my friend groups with kids and I feel left out and alone a lot of the time. Like I’ve been downgraded as a friend because I’m not as available. How have you built your tribe of support and friendship as an adult? Can anyone relate?

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Hi moms!!! I'm a single mum by choice. My daughter is 2 years old and obbiously my life has changed a lot since I gave birth. It's too difficult to keep frienships when you finish exhausted all days and the only one thing you need is some rest. Apart from that, the availability to meet friend is reduced at the maximum level. But I'm positive, all this situation will change... althought not very soon!!! But I have to say that I'm very proud of have taken this decision🤗

likeuplifting

I can totally relate so no advice here. It’s hard when our whole world is kids + work + house chores. I have come to terms with it and know things will look different in a couple of years when my child is older and require less of my time! How old are yours?

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Ohh, absolutely! Maybe when your friends start making more friends, you can befriend the mom? She would be in the same positions in life, so more relatable to you and your situation :) are you a single mom?

Yes. It gets very lonely when you are the only one with children. You will meet similar women when your first goes to nursery school. Be open and talk to other moms there if you can. That was my experience. Usually the other working moms are there for pickup on Fridays.

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It is hard when you are the only mom that shows up on a day off and it is all babysitters. The world is so much harder now with Covid.

Do you still enjoy spending time with your non-mom friends? If so, make the time, even if it’s just a girls night or dinner once a month (and they should understand that you can’t hang out more frequently like they do). Then, be open to making some mom friends too; perhaps they won’t be as special to you as your long-time friends, but they could grow into something special, or if nothing else, be a support system to share notes about school, activities, sports, whatever. I’ve met a lot of moms through my neighborhood (bus stop, neighborhood Halloween parties or social events), or through school activities, or watching kids sports or other activities. Also there are Facebook moms groups that host activities where I’ve met people. Or if my kid (mine are age 5 and 8) makes a friend at school, I might arrange a playdate and meet the mom that way.

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My newest friends I met through my 10 year old daughter! They are the parents of her bestie. Through fostering a warm environment for their kid to sleep over, have playdates, join us on outings (during the downwaves of Covid) and allowing my kid to socialize digitally during the high waves, the relationship with the parents grew rather organically. We are actually planning a group vacation to Mexico this May (hey, one can hope for a better future)! I think it started with the mom just adding something personal - maybe she asked me a question about something she knew I had experience in - during a text exchange about a sleepover. Now we text often. Awesome people - I love them. But not my usual "friend group" type. I'm so grateful my daughter led me to them.

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Can also relate, particularly the being downgraded by some. And we are displaced due to Covid, and the moms in our new area are not appealing as friends either. Sympathy and solidarity!

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Thank you. Glad to know I’m not alone in this. It’s hard!

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I was a young first time mom so I went through this and it was so isolating overall. I found a moms group which made everything SO much better and I was able to volunteer and just get involved more. I met other moms at the library where we frequented as well as the park. I get you’re working so it may be a bit different but check out MOPS, some get together in the evening and they may have some meetups during the weekends. Every group works a little differently. I also grew apart form some of my friends and I think bi weekly or weekly checkins work to keep the friendship going

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Totally relate! I mostly hang out with my mom and my sister 🙈. Im not even sure what I’m looking for in a friendship. I have some play date friends but it’s mostly us trying to talk while our toddlers run in opposite directions at the park, so not great lol. I think I actually would prefer some non-mom friends to go to work out classes with or out for a nice dinner. But I’m dreaming because Covid restrictions and toddlers doesn’t really allow for this. Sighhh…. Maybe lean into your existing friendships and invite them out to dinner. They might avoid reaching out cuz they assume you are busy so reach out first!

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Totally! Same. The key is finding a friend/friends that are willing to make at least some in person time commitment. Like I have a friend who I have coffee with on occasion, one who we go on walks together or an occasional night out and another who likes to go out for dinner and drinks or workout. I am not super outgoing, but have luckily met people who are more. When you meet someone don’t be afraid to see if they want to hang out, some will work out and some won’t. I do feel lonely though, then there is the kid free guilt, cause mostly do things without the kids.

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Most of my long term friends are also moms so while we don’t see each other much these days, I know I can reach out anytime I need to. Maybe reflect on your existing friends also, if you haven’t had much time for “maintenance”, send out a group text with an article or funny meme. 10 minutes of texting always cheers me right up if it’s been a lonely week. Or suggest everyone come to your house for brunch next month as an omicrons over party or something, which makes it easy on you as the mom but fun for everyone to eat and hang.

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Yep, we're definitely that subset that got a little more left behind, isolated. I have one friend left but it's made our friendship better.

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Let's talk about it! I actually work in person, but all my work friends have quit or moved to another location. I talk to them, but don't visit. I built my tribe by doing what I love (coaching, volunteering, mentoring, etc.). For the close friends I made, their families took me in and supported. Advice: prioritize what's important to you and find things in your community that support that. For example, I value mental health bc I'm not feeling great; I can't ensure anyone else is. So, I became a regular volunteer at a local food pantry because giving is a part of my self-care. My next value is relationships. So, I met with different groups and people until I found my people (meetup app, local clubs, and ministries). It definitely takes time, energy, and intentionality. It's a process that shouldn't be rushed!

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Love this! Thank you.

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