{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Hey ladies, I have to vent. I’ve been in a friends with benefits on and off situation with this guy for 10 years. I recently hit him up because we haven’t spoken in a year and I missed him. Long story short, he cheated on his current gf with me. I asked him if he had any regrets. He said he feels bad, but it was worth it. I just don’t understand how he can physically melt in my presence but after all this time doesn’t want to *be* with me", "post_id": "5eec23f0c713a5001a098103", "reply_count": 41, "vote_count": 5, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting" }

Hey ladies, I have to vent. I’ve been in a friends with benefits on and off situation with this guy for 10 years. I recently hit him up because we haven’t spoken in a year and I missed him. Long story short, he cheated on his current gf with me. I asked him if he had any regrets. He said he feels bad, but it was worth it. I just don’t understand how he can physically melt in my presence but after all this time doesn’t want to *be* with me

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I’ve been there and it sucks! I blame some on pheromones lol. I suggest instead of spending time analyzing why he will sleep you but not be with you try and spend time analyzing why you want to be with a guy who isn’t showing up for you. It can kinda feel like a slap to your own face, but ultimately helped me identify red flags and not waste time with the wrong guys.

helpfullikesmart

Uhhh I just got out of something sort of similar. Except it was 2 years of an intense physical connection. I couldn’t understand why this dude didn’t want more given we also had an intense emotional connection. Meanwhile he had been in touch with his ex throughout who was living in London at the time (they’d broken up as she was attending bschool there). He claimed he was still in love with her but falling in love with me. Fast forward a lot of horrible drama, lies, cheating, emotional manipulation and gaslighting .... turns out this man had been with her the entire time and proposed to her last year all while “in love with me” but never wanting more. They got married in December. And now he constantly reaches out (I’ve blocked him now), tells me he’s made a huge mistake, and will never get over me. Oh and that he regrets NOTHING. All of this to say....these 👏🏽 men 👏🏽 are 👏🏽 narcissists 👏🏽 they want us when they want us, they love knowing we are available to them whenever they need us...to shower them with our energy and attention, because these humans are broken inside. They cheat and don’t regret, they use and abuse (in ways you probably don’t even see) and it isn’t until you move completely out of it, do you see the level of manipulation that occurred. I understand my case is more extreme than yours but there are red flags in what you’re telling us...don’t even hesitate. RUN. You deserve FAR BETTER. I promise you there’s a person out there that deserves you and will know it and show you the respect you deserve.

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Please love and respect yourself to move on from this relationship. If he wanted to date you, he would have made it clear by now. Also if he’s willing to cheat on his gf with you.. he would probably be willing to cheat on you too if you ever dated him. In my opinion this relationship isn’t worth it and you’re better off just cutting ties now.

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Haha I will def come back when I need a kick in the butt!

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1) do you want to be with someone that cheats? 2) sounds like he has you more or less where he wants you 3) have you been in a relationship throughout the decade?

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You’re not really yourself with him if you can’t tell him how you really feel. And if you’ve told him how you feel and he’s made it clear he doesn’t feel the same way (which he has, through his behavior, even if he hasn’t said it outright), then you need to get your real self out of this arrangement. You’re sabotaging any chance of a real relationship with someone who actually cares for you by continuing.

He understands it’s only that way because he’s not with you.

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Omg 10 years? Wow. If he wanted to be with you, he would have. 10 years is a long time. Pls have some self respect and move on

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On and off doesn’t make it better. Move on. You can do better.

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Since this is been going on for 10 years I’m going to be super blunt: He treats you like a jizz sock. He will never not see you as that. Please realize you never ever should be treated this way by anyone.

likefunny

Lmaoo jizz sock?? Sis so harsh, but fair and valid assessment. I must do better

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Sis, just STOP.

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Sis, please drag me!! I need it at this point.

likefunny

Girl, no! This is not going anywhere. Get out. Get your hair did. Get your nails did. And then move tf on!

likeuplifting

I was “friends with benefits” with a guy in college even though I lived with him for about a year. He only started calling me his girlfriend a couple weeks before he graduated, I guess because it’d be odd explaining to his family why he wanted this random girl at his graduation festivities. We ended things on a not so great note, but half a year later he hit me up, said he missed me and wanted to apologize/give me closure, and flew me halfway around the world to spend a couple days with him. Turns out his then girlfriend of a couple months was visiting family when I was visiting him. I hated myself, but I hated him for putting me in that position because he hadn’t told me until after I flew 16 hours to get there and he knew I wouldn’t have found another place to stay. Honestly it made me fully realize how shittily he treated women in his life overall and I used that as a turning point. Currently in a very happy relationship with a man who tells me everyday how lucky he is to wake up next to me.

likeuplifting

And the current man probably shows you as well as tells you.

He can because he’s a dog. Put him in the trash where he belongs.

likeuplifting

He’s manipulating you. Guys say these things because they know naive women eat it up. Just say “Ah. Too bad” and move on. Don’t get into a relationship with him ever. How you get him is how you lose him.

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Also. The part about his heart MELTING. Classic. Just brush it off. Be smarter ladies.

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I was in a similar situation with a similar fuck boy. Seriously block his phone number and block him on all social media and move on. Once I did that I was truly able to move on. It was hard but these types of dudes are super toxic and will never give you what you need. I promise you will eventually forget about him and meet someone who knows your worth! 💪🏻💕

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Block AND delete

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Have you tried cutting all contacts? Does he still come back?

Read “The Rules” - don’t take it verbatim but use it to reflect on what you want.

RUN.

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