Hey ladies, would appreciate your advice. I’m in my first relationship and I’m pretty clingy, so I’m interested in relationship and self-improvement advice. My boyfriend has shown that he cares and ..

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You mentioned your anxious attachment style - have you considered exploring this through therapy (if you’re not currently)? Therapists can share some pretty great tools for helping folks sort out that kind of thing - and realistically, even if your boyfriend is heaven-sent he won’t be able to be perfect enough to make up for deep seated personal stuff you may be dealing with. Good luck - I hope you’re able to work things out in a way that makes sense for both of you 💞💞

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Accenture has EAP for all employees and will cover up to 3 visits per instance at no cost- regardless of your insurance. Best to align to your insurance if you want to continue after, or you will need to start a new instance.

I think some more details are needed. How long have you been dating, are you in the same city, how often do you see each other? Also is this your boyfriends first relationship, etc. finally, why do you say that you’re clingy?

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It’s my first relationship but his 3rd, we’ve been dating for 5 months, we live in the city and I’m on a local project! (But my commute is 1 hour each way, and I drive...). I’m kind of clingy because I have an anxious attachment style and I seem to think and care about the relationship a lot more than he does.

If you tell him what you need (assuming you are doing it in a considerate and kind way), it’s a real jerk move to say ‘well now I’m definitely not doing that.’ If he blows up when you two disagree or disregards your feelings or makes excuses, he sounds like someone who enjoys being in a relationship when it’s convenient for him / his idea, but not willing to do the work / support your needs. Relationships are work (I say this from a place of 12 years of marriage, 15 years together) and you need a partner who is going to listen and work together with you even in the early days.

One of the best ways to find out if he’s on your team is to ask for what you want (more contact during the week), ask for his help (what ways could we address this that would fit into his/your weekly schedule?) and see how amenable he is to working with you on this. There are lots of ways to maintain a relationship long distance... you could try some approaches or come up with your own. If he’s not willing or gets mad/makes excuses, maybe he’s just not ready for a relationship (or at least the same type of relationship you want) and then maybe you know what you need to do next (change your expectations or move on).

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Thanks for the advice — it’s really reassuring that you had a positive conversation about how to show the other person that you love and care for them. We’ve talked about the five love languages before, but I think it’s worth invoking the concept behind it to explain how I feel cared for when he initiates more!

and loves me, but recently I’ve been the one initiating more often, and it makes me feel insecure. I’m not sure if he loves me /enough/, and I’ve also asked him to make me feel more cared for (whenever we’re not in person, he doesn’t communicate much) but I feel like we have such circular conversations and the words don’t really amount to action. He’s also mentioned how if he’s told to do something, he doesn’t really want to do it, whereas he’d prefer to do something of his own initiative.

How should I go about this conversation? I know he’s super busy, but he doesn’t reassure me of that and only uses that as an excuse when I bring things up. I also feel like he has a big ego and sometimes has to reconsider his initial reaction so that he can communicate with me more respectfully, so I’ll give him that—he’s a software engineer in tech, if that makes a difference.

I’m not sure how KP’s mental health coverage works, but they’re all about the full package of health so it’s hard to imagine they don’t have *any* mental health benefits. I get therapy through my plan which is a PPO, so I have a $20/session copay but that’s it

Your relationship is not working right which is caused your behavior. I used to be clingy as well, until I found my husband. The problem is the way he is behaving caused you to react that way. My husband never made me feel that way, and I wasn’t clingy to him. He is always open about our feelings and communication.

Since this is your first relationship, just keep in mind, you can’t change individual. If he is not mature enough to handle the relationship, he is not going to no matter what you do. You deserve someone to treat you better rather than making you feel insecure. There is someone better out there for you. You are wasting your valuable time to allow him to treat you that way, while you can find someone truly belong with you.

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