Hey Mamas. I’m in the final interview stages for a new higher level job that would demand many more hours of my time including some nights and weekends. Right now I have a stable “9-5” job that allows me to be home in the evenings and on weekends spending time with my littles. They’re 3 and 1.

My concern is giving up time with them at such a young age for a great career opportunity. Would I regret missing the very young ages and should I wait to make career moves or should I go for it now?

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Is the job asking you to work overtime or you assume it will be? Asking because I often assumed as I moved up. Ultimately I always found a way to put some boundaries or be creative with my schedule so I can have time with my babies. My favorite go-to is to stop at 5ish and get back online at 7:30/8pm IF I need to. Or start work earlier or wake up earlier to see your kiddos longer, things like that. No job is worth missing out on family time so find ways to have both. You deserve to grow in your career too!

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Thank you! They’ve told me it would be demanding for the first year. It’s kind of a startup in the performing arts industry. Even aside from being at some shows and events, it sounds like the expectation is 60-80 hours per week some weeks. (They also say they’ll try to balance it out.) I really like that idea of setting “off hours.

I would give it a go. You can always step back later if it’s too much but as others have said, I bet you will make it work for you if you want to badly enough. Also in my opinion, parenting is quality over quantity.. three quality nights a week vs five half present.

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I really like your last statement!

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I'm sorry if this isn't helpful but I work constant overtime now and don't even have kids - I just have no life and I'm regretting this terribly already. As I look to start a family in the next couple years the most important thing above all is having a job that won't interfere with my family. I already have trouble reconciling any moments I miss with parents or extended family due to work and I want to eliminate this feeling as soon as possible. Again, sorry I know this isn't the most helpful to you but this is my perspective I feel very strongly about. Ultimately you need to do what you feel is best for you in your situation. And keep in mind either way you choose - you can always change down the road if you're not where you want to be.

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I have taken a back door to my career for my children and plan to until they are 5. My parents worked 60 hour weeks growing up and the local stay at home moms took care of me during that time. It effected me greatly and has into my adult years. There were a few additional struggles I faced at home during that time, but I contribute that as the most impactful. Do what you need to do for you and your family just remember, you can’t get time back.

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Mama, I hear you. It’s a tough one. Personally, I’ve taken a pause (i.e., not pursuing advancement) to be with my kids (same ages as yours!). But, I get it...I’m in my mid30s, at a critical point in my career, and as much as I hate it the state of things is such that it’ll be really hard for me to pause now and advance later on. It blows. The pause is only really working for me right now because I’m hoping to make a pretty major career pivot within the year. If I hadn’t wanted to make these moves, I would have been pursuing advancement within my existing career track, in the same way you’re seeking to now.

If there’s any way to design your new opportunity to work for you (e.g., work from home a couple of days a week, work two extra long days and take 1 day off per week, work alternate hours (after they’re in bed), or something else), I say go for it! Your investment in your career is ultimately an investment for their benefit. We so often separate the two, but there are so many different ways to “be there” as a parent. I get wanting to physically, mentally, and emotionally be present for your kids. But don’t punish yourself into believing that if your time is dedicated to advancing your career, then it’s time being taken away from your kids. If you’re in a position to make it work, do it!

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It’s definitely an easier conversation to have once you’ve been with an employer for at least a little while. But I imagine it may be easier now, since Covid has basically forced everyone to adopt work from home policies and infrastructure. Can you do a little research to find out what the company’s work from home policy has been, and how it might change once restrictions are lifted? I know may of my corporate clients are maintaining the option to work from home or design in/out of office schedules or workweeks. I think asking these questions is totally appropriate given the current landscape. You can just ask about work from home options generally, and not necessarily in the context your parenting goals and obligations.

Good luck—I hope it all works out the way you want it to!

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I’m in the same boat. I just switched biglaw firms with two kids under the age of 3. My husband will be gone for the military very soon and trying to figure out the balance. My goal is to work early and take 5-8 off each night to be present with them. I’ll have some long days, but I’ve been told my group understands boundaries as long as you are transparent.

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Honestly, if I could go back and do it all again, I would have taken the intense job when my kids were the same age as yours. The time to step back is when they’re in middle/high school. Kids that are little need you/someone, sure, but teenagers need YOU and your presence. I’m negotiating through this now with a new job and it’s going ok, but IMO as kids get older, so much more can go wrong. Take the job now and step back if you can as they get older.

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Go with your gut on this one. On the one hand, job opportunities will come along again, maybe not exactly the same one as this one; on the other hand you will never get this time back with your LOs. Time waits for no one and cares for nothing but to keep moving forward. Tough decision, but your initial gut reaction is usually the best indicator for what you really truly want to do.

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Is it consistently nights and weekends? I have a 1yo and a job that has some very high peaks (worked ~70 hours M-F last week including until midnight Friday; then worked during naptime and 7pm-12am Saturday, 9-11am Sunday and 7pm-midnight Sunday). I then ducked out of work at 4 today to take my dog to the dog park and pick up my kid from daycare early. The flexibility works for me but takes a lot of coordination with my husband and childcare.

Let us know what you decide. Wishing you peace and wisdom

Thought I’d follow up with what I decided to do - the new job would have been amazing but they weren’t willing to commit to a maximum number of hours so I decided to stay where I am. There were some really good positives that came out of this though.

- My current boss spent a lot of time with me figuring out a longer-term career path for me. She was honest in what that looked like and is already doing what she can to make it happen.

- The company I was interviewing with understood my concerns but didn’t want to entirely part ways. We’re going to try to figure out some freelancing opportunities so I can stay involved. Then in a couple of years when they’re expanding their team, I’ve already got an inside track if I’m in the job market again.

- More than anything it really made me realize where my heart is, and right now it’s with my babies before career. I just feel so much more relieved having made a decision.

Thank you all for your help and advice ❤️

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