Hi all,

My fiancé and I are due to get married soon. I would like for her to take my last name but she’s asking me to convince her. What have other woman done? Curious to know your experiences. For some background, my fiancé is against the institution of marriage and men having owned woman. We are also expecting a baby and he/she will have both our last names. Help, how do I convince her to take my last name?

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Why is it that you insist on her taking your last name?

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I’m a gay man but my husband and I have been together for 18 years. I always wanted him to take my name. He was the last male in his family and so (due to antiquated traditions) his family name would die with him. Eventually we settled on combining them and taking them both. Have you considered doing that?

How tacky... treating people like property to be branded with your last name. Just keep you last names as is, and give both your last names to your kids.

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D1- We get you’re not into the idea. But what you’re not getting is that their reasons for wanting a common last name has nothing to do with continuing centuries of patriarchy or “owning” their partner. They only want to create a unique family identity. Also, please look up Stockholm syndrome; you’re just dumping labels and assumptions while being annoyingly judgy. Mmkay?

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How about both of you take a new name? I have a few friends who’ve done that where the new name is either completely different or based on their own (prior) last names.

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Have you two thought of choosing your own last name? A new one that both of you take to start your family? That’s my preference.

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We have discussed all options. When I mentioned this one which I feel, “frees” us from the “institution of marriage” she said “that’s too much work”

She’s very difficult.

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Assuming you’re also a woman (can’t really tell based on your post), I would say either you take her name or you both keep your names.

To give my own experience also, we kept our names.

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Cool yeah I’d def say just take her name if it’s this big of a deal for ya. Then you get what you want and she gets what she wants! We didn’t see a reason to change ours and felt like marriage was just a check the box item rather than the next step in our journey, it didn’t change anything about our relationship except taxes lol 🤷🏻‍♀️

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I promise you that you will all be happy even if you have different last names.

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If he is currently a John Doe (with perhaps another 20 or so at work) when he could possibly become the one and only John Daughtry, that should convince him! However, if he is John Daughtry soon-to-be John Doe...

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🤣

Have you considered to join both of your last names? This will allow you, your spouse, and child to have the same last name?

I’m not a woman - but my husband and I hyphenated our last names and our 3 children also have hyphenated last names.

Both of us have prominent careers and the hyphenation hasn’t impacted anything. If anything it has made our lives better.

What’s the real problem here? There’s something behind this? Why don’t you trust your fiancé?

I'm in a similar boat with my soon to be wife. We are leaning towards merging the two together to create a new family name.

We also considered taking my grandmother's maiden name instead but making a new family name feels exciting and more like us.

In the end - just do what feels right. Literally flip a coin and if the answer it gives you makes you sad or feel weird, your gut already made its choice and it is the opposite of whatever the coin first landed on. This trick helped my friend make the same choice when she married her husband.

Good luck and remember that it is all about you two and your love!

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