Hi all, story time/question: I didn’t fully realize/admit to myself I was a lesbian until I was 27. I’m now in a really wonderful relationship and love my gf a lot. She also affirms that I’m def gay and always have been. This upcoming pride is my first one where I’m not an ally and she’s making a huge deal out of it, which is super thoughtful. I guess I’m confused at my own emotions because I don’t fully feel like a part of the LGBTQ community because I haven’t been out for a long time (cont)

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And I’ve never been a part of LGBTQ groups at work or school. I’m also super femme, so if I’m alone no one thinks I’m gay. Do you think these feelings are normal or should I try harder to integrate myself into the community? I’m getting my MBA in the fall and plan on doing some affiliate activities through the program but otherwise I’m a bit lost.

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Welcome!! Definitely join ROMBA — don’t worry; I think literally everybody in the LGBTQ community has felt that “oh I don’t know if I belong” question when it comes to these groups. Don’t listen to it. You are welcome and yes you do belong. Congrats on coming out and welcome aboard.

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I think a lot of people feel this way. I’m trans and came out later so don’t feel a strong connection to the broader community because I did not grow up with it. I did use ROMBA and my MBA to help build some connections. I still don’t particularly get excited about all the broader events and just want to live my life while appreciating that people do like those things and they were important to help drive lgbt rights.

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Femme here 🙋🏻‍♀️. I get what you’re saying bc I’ve been out for 5+ years now and ppl still think I’m straight. I think a lot of femmes feel this way until you make some other femme lesbians friends and bond over it lol Just remember that coming out is a journey and it never ends! You don’t have to “feel” a part of the lgbt community but you still are. I’m also not in any lgbt groups really and only ~10% of my friends are lgbt lol. There’s no need to integrate yourself unless you feel it’s necessary, just do what you’re comfortable with.

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