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Chief
Is it Friday?
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Chief
Is it Friday?
We had one in our late 20’s and one in our late 30’s. Both have advantages and disadvantages. Don’t have kids for someone else’s timeline have them on yours.
This really depends though!
Ex… my mom had terminal cancer (ovarian) and we bumped up our wedding by a year because she wanted to be there. We both would have been devastated if she wasn’t there and I’d live with that forever.
We then had our first pretty quickly because again, I wanted my mom for my first pregnancy and as much time with my daughter as possible. They were BFFs for 2 wonderful years and we have a beautiful photo book and videos for her to cherish. My daughter had to go through loss, but she also loved her grandma so much and I’m glad she got that chance. She sometimes will just sit and flip through her grandma book and talk about all the adventures they went on. My youngest was conceived after my mom passed and I’m sad she never gets to meet her.
So I’d say no, don’t have kids just to please a family member, but if it’s important to YOU to have them around when you first have kids, absolutely go for it. I don’t regret it even if it did mean we didn’t save as much money first or advance careers more. I’m still advancing my career with kids, and I’m happy for the time spent.
You’re never going to be ‘ready.’
You’ll always want to have more money, or feel more ‘stable,’ or have a better house.
Just stop whinging, ditch the birth control, strap on some high heels and nothing else, and ride your hubby til you can’t no more.
Chief
Disagree. I knew when I was ready to have a kid.
Enthusiast
I had my kid in late 30s but honestly if I had to do it all over again I would have done it in my 20s. I am constantly exhausted and will have to work well into my late 60s. I am so jealous of my friends that are already empty nesters.
Rising Star
Lol I’m 36 and have a 2 months old. My back suddenly hurts all the time. I just said the other day we should have had her 10 years ago. Not from a financial perspective - I’m glad we waited - but I worry about things like taking my kid to Disney world when they’re 10 and I’ll be almost 50. How will I physically feel?
And this is morbid but - say I die in my 70s, my kid will only be in her 30s. I want more time with her, and I want to be there for her as long as I can.
Chief
Where I live, kids in 30’s is the norm. And the advantage of being financially and professionally secure (with flexibility due to leadership role) was super helpful.
I had my first at 23 and my second at 33. Im 36 now and still unsure if we’re done. At 23, I had much less stress at work so it was much easier. With that being said, I’m much more financially secure now and my children are wildly different. My 12 year old is an Angel and my 3 year old, well, is not. She also gets sick much more often than my oldest. Weighing high-powered jobs with children can be difficult, but regardless of where you are in life, be prepared to need flexibility with your job when they’re sick all the time.
Talk to your doctor and weigh pros and cons. Advanced maternal age (35+) is considered a pregnancy risk factor, but I know many parents who waited and had perfectly healthy babies. Do what feels right to you and your partner.
If you decide to do any early fertility testing, make sure to ask your parter to get testing done too (if you have a male partner).
I didn't get married until 33, had my first child at 36, and now expecting my second at 38. All of this is later in life than I would have planned back in my 20's, but it's how it worked out. The benefit to waiting is that we're financially stable and had plenty of time to travel and enjoy kid-free life in our 20's. The downside is feeling old & tired at times.
I get it. I’m 27 and definitely want kids but can’t imagine being ready for at least another 5 years.
I got married at 30 and wanted to wait a year to start a family. I've been trying since and started IVF path 3 years ago. Still trying to have my first kid at 37 now. Don't wait.
We had our last of two at 30/31 and honestly I cant imagine waiting longer. We might have had one more but my SOs doctors warned against it as both pregnancies were extremely difficult.
Talk to your doctor. 35 is generally where pregnancy becomes high risk but everyone is different.
Pro Tip - you will never be "ready" but it will always be ok.
I had my kids past 35 and it was fine.
Childcare is expensive. If you’re barely financially stable, I would wait. Having kids also brings pressure to couples.
I am sorry about your mom.
Also, I have 4 kids (blended family now) and I’m 50 and I have energy to parent. I’m concerned about the 30+ folks on this thread who have no energy! When I had my kids I was a 35 year old single mom. You are not too tired in your 30s to have kids!
I feel like having kids is such a huge commitment and such a big decision you shouldn’t let somebody else pressure you into taking that step until you’re ready. Go with your own timelines, if you don’t feel ready then wait but whatever you choose, just make sure it’s right for you and your partner - not everybody else.
I always said I wanted to make manager before starting. Did that 18 months ago and started 6 months ago. We found out last week we’re pregnant. I’m 31 she’s 32. Planning to have 1-2 more if things pan out, but that will have us pushing late 30s by the third child.
I think this is a pretty common timeline though. Went from no one in my or wife’s friend circle being pregnant to half announcing in the last 12 months. I think turning 30 was a wake up call for all of us.
That’s really great, Manager 1! Best of luck to your partner on the pregnancy, be as supportive as you can!
I had my first when I was 25. Had only been in PA for a year out of college. It was a struggle financially but my husband and I have made it work. We’re now pregnant with our third, bought a house last year and are doing just fine. Being younger and having more energy is a huge plus because I have 2 toddler boys that are little energizer bunnies. We haven’t had any family support either since no one lives near us. So it’s just been daycare costs from the beginning. I’m 29 and this third baby will be our last. Glad and feeling lucky that I get to be a young mom.
The thing is, there is never a perfect time and never a time when you will feel 100% ready for kids!
There are pros and cons to having kids both now versus later. Just do what feels right to you. Think about what's truly important to you.
It’s dangerous to assume you’ll be able to conceive, let alone in your mid-30s. People run into this all the time for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes it takes years, sometimes it requires intervention and sometimes it doesn’t happen. So don’t start before you are ready but don’t assume you can time it either.
All my friends except one had their kids in their kid 30s- early 40s. Sample size of ~20. Not saying it’s medically ideal (for your doctor to say about your situation specifically) and some had trouble but in my opinion it’s absolutely necessary for you to have kids when YOU are ready across multiple areas of life, not just try to hit a specific age.
Don’t wait. It only gets harder.
I’m 34 and just now feeling ready. Met my partner at 30, bought a house at 32. Being financially secure is so important, as well as the two of you being emotionally ready! Also don’t have a big wedding (could have bought a house sooner if we hadn’t)
I got married at 27 and started trying almost right away. It took 12 years of fertility treatment (expensive and emotionally draining) to have my son at 39. Then more fertility treatment to have my daughter at almost 44. If you want to wait, please see a reproductive endocrinologist and have some early testing done (day 3 FSH and an AMH check plus an ultrasound to assess antral follicle count).
I did, I was 35 and had twins (natural). (I am the mom). The timing was perfect for us. We had a lot of time to be married with no kids, traveled, got our careers going, bought a house x2, and so on. You have to do it when you are ready for it as it’s a big, life-changing responsibility. And now the kids keep us young.
Chief
Sure, right, I know what they meant…but why note it? Relevant? If so, how? And the use of the term “natural” I find offensive. Are IVF twins “unnatural?”
Maybe “unassisted” or “unexpected?”