{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Hi, I need some advice from you all.\nI am planing my wedding for May. My parents wanted (larger) wedding of 80 people (they were willing to pay for the wedding). I refused and they got a bit (cont)", "post_id": "600f51f3d64a4e0020671c22", "reply_count": 24, "vote_count": 1, "bowl_id": "58f925e7393fd60016e6b8a2", "bowl_name": "Women's fashion", "feed_type": "bowl" }

Hi, I need some advice from you all.
I am planing my wedding for May. My parents wanted (larger) wedding of 80 people (they were willing to pay for the wedding). I refused and they got a bit (cont)

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Yes you are being selfish and petty. Your wedding is not that important. It’s not like it MUST happen right now, so just wait. Why ruin your relationship with your in laws and start off on a bad foot with your future husband?

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THANK YOU. You can’t force the man to marry you under conditions he hasn’t agreed to at the exclusion of his family. What’s the point of a wedding if everyone isn’t happy to be there, or at least the bride and groom?? Postpone the dinner, it is an easy solution if this is really the problem - sounds like maybe you two aren’t ready to get married and that’s why you’re rushing it?

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I get how it can be frustrating, but be careful not to ruin your relationship with your soon to be in-laws... it can cause a lot of trouble in the future - speaking from experience

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Hm. I can see why the future in laws don’t feel safe around 20-40 people for a dinner, but do feel safer going to travel to (what I am assuming is) a resort. It’s a control thing. They can theoretically control how much maskless interaction with strangers at the int’l resort but can’t really with a 20-40 person dinner. This is a tough position to be in, sorry you have to go through this.

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Quicker!

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🙄

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Can you guys do a tiny ceremony with immediate family to just get the marriage on paper and then push back the wedding/reception/party until things calm down? That’s what my friend did. Got married on the beach w parents in 2020 and pushed the wedding to 2021 and again to 2022.

likehelpful

Had a friend in a similar situation recently. They quarantined, then had a small ceremony with just the grooms parents. Then the next day they had a larger (~30 people) ceremony with her family. They did not see the grooms family after they saw her family. That way everyone gets what they want, short of a combined family event

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It’s a weird time. Some people might be okay attending large events whereas others are not, and it can be quite hurtful to those trying to stay safe if you disregard their fear of getting sick or getting other loved ones sick. Although the venues are following “CDC guidelines”, there have been many instances of entire families getting sick after these gatherings. I understand that a wedding is (hopefully) a once in a lifetime event, but it should not be causing you or your fiancée this much stress. At the end of the day marriage is about being with the one you love the most for the rest of your life, so even if you have to postpone or limit the attendees for your husband’s family’s sake- it will be worth it in the end.

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Agree with SM1. Walking in a grocery store where everyone is required to wear mask is different from sitting at a large dinner where people wouldn’t be wearing a mask to eat. Regarding the July trip maybe they think covid will be more controllable in July compared to May.

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You are being petty. We’re in a pandemic, in case you haven’t noticed, and you have to change your expectations if you want your family to live. There was a small wedding in Maine in 2020 that ended up spreading to 100s of people... keep your family and friends alive- don’t invite them to a wedding they will feel guilty about attending, and guilty if they decide not to attend.
Have a ceremony and outdoor dinner with your immediate families now, and save to have a blow out party next year- or whenever this is over- for an anniversary celebration.

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sad. So, told them that I would meet them half way and we can maybe have 20-40 total people at the wedding (depending on CDC guidelines). I am planning my wedding and am realizing that most places are booked and so are services. I did find a photographer that I liked and a restaurant that has Covid friendly dining (meaning they are following CDC guidelines and said that we can reserve the space and adjust as needed). I decided not to go with a reception and chose that a small dinner would be safer. I am happy with this and so are my parents. However, my BFs parents are not. They are pushing so hard against the dinner saying that it’s a bad idea and they don’t even feel safe attending the ceremony and my bf agrees with them. I completely understand where they are coming from, but at the same time they are being contradictory. They don’t feel safe with the wedding, but one parent was planning a trip to the Dominican Republic for by BFs sister for July. The other parent said that they would lose their job if they have to attend the wedding dinner. I am a bit sad and irritated. I understand where my BFs parents are coming from, but I have worked with my parents to drastically reduce and cut down the wedding so much already and at this point I feel like I am barely getting what I want bc my bf agrees with his parents and wants us to take their safety into consideration. Am I being selfish here? My one friend who’s soon to be husband works for the NIH and they are planning a 80 wedding a few days after I have my wedding planned. I keep looking at others around me and they are planning bigger events than I am and their families are ok with that. I am doing smaller things and am still being asked to knock a wedding dinner off

But if your SO agrees with his parents, you are likely going to have to compromise here. Start off your marriage strong and not with a huge disagreement between you and your SO/their family

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Can the parents just go to the ceremony and skip the dinner?

I think only you and your family can decide what is okay with this, but I may use other words besides if they don’t want to. I say that as someone who didn’t want to disappoint a friend who decided to have a 20 person wedding event during this time. Me and two other people got covid even thought it was outdoors, socially distant and people wore masks. When you gather that group size it’s just risky. Some people will really not feel like they have a choice and will show you and support you even if they feel uncomfortable. For the job thing, I know some companies do have travel bans in place. Would one parent really lose their job with the timing? My friends parents just had to miss a major life event for the same reason.

Now, I hear you on the other posts on the fact that his parents don’t seem to be as concerned daily and that is what seems to unfair. I’d have your fiancé dig into more about the job and why the timing of this dinner isn’t okay but the trip is. Does say a mandate expire in June? From there I’d have an honest convo with your fiancé about all this bc I think how you two feel about the day is most important.

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Is there a way that you can postpone this wedding?

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