Hi, I understand the importance of anonymity but both I (in al-anon) and my Alcoholic spouse (in AA) are both struggling to find people in a similar age (35-40), economic status and religious belief (atheist/agnostic) to ours in the the traditional AA and Al-anon meetings. We are also LGBT with kids on top of that. We are really struggling to find a new support network that we can relate better. Any good lead?

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My husband’s sponsor would tell you, “if you can’t find a meeting you like, you’re not going to enough meetings. If you can’t find a meeting you don’t like, you’re not going to enough meetings.” Do you have the “white chair” app? You can search for specific types of meetings like LGBT.

I rarely meet anyone specifically like me. I’ve only met one other engineer in my 15 years of AA. Maybe you and your spouse are focusing on what you don’t have in common people instead of what you do? For instance, you couldn’t find a more diverse group of people in my home group - a transgender man, a Harley-riding retired cop, a couple who both aren’t even 21 yet, people in their 20s, people in their 60s, people of color…where would you ever find such a mix of people? But we have our alcoholism in common and our struggles and successes bring us together. Usually the best times I have on any given week are when we all go to the diner.


Are you going to many in-person meetings? What part of the country are you all in?

Where do you live?

Also, it can’t hurt to check out different meetings, and to be the initiator for some type of fellowship activity. Go to dinner after a meeting and ask if anyone wants to join. Or go early/stay late to do some good old fashioned “hang out next to the door and bullshit for 10 minutes”. I made more friends in the ‘before meeting’ and ‘after meeting’ than anywhere else.

And finally, the program reminds me to look for the similarities and not the differences. You may be LBGT with kids, but we have all been saved from a common peril, and often every one of us is yearning for some connection. We find friends in the most unlikely of places (and the most unlikely of people)!

I relate. I wish I could find a group that does not do the lords prayer but I am also finding it is triggering me and that’s on me. So me and my ego are trying to accept it.
I hear you though!

Come to Park City! No Lord’s Prayer here! Haha.

I used to cringe so bad when I heard it, or I was afraid I’d start laughing, so I had to close my eyes when I said it. Now I close my eyes out of respect and habit any time I say any prayer.

Also, this really opened my eyes and helped me get passed a lot of my lingering distain for the spirituality that I thought was closely tied to organized religion (including the Lord’s Prayer): https://www.aacle.org/product/sermon-on-the-mount/


Check out Advocates for Recovery. They have online meetings as well as in person. Not religious based, focuses on positive aspects of recovery and helping each other maintain sobriety. And from my experiences the folks are quite open to all.

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