Hi, I'm Chris, a transgender woman; in honor of Transgender Day of Visibility, I would like to answer your questions about being a better ally to your work colleagues, friends and family. Looking forward to chatting with you. Don't be shy, ask away.

likeupliftinghelpfulfunny
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

Do you think it's offensive if I don't include pronouns in my signature or mention my pronouns during professional meetings?

likefunnyhelpfulsmart

A quick point: context is key. Sometimes the setting will be too informal, or to rushed to go around the table asking for pronouns and that is ok too. When that happens, listen to the way people refer to themselves and each other. Nobody is saying that we should constantly walk around stating what are pronouns are to the world. That is why evergreen markers like an email signature or social media handles are important they do that job for you.

likesmart

I too have no specific questions but reading through all the above is really eye opening. Thank you so much for this gift. Also I really love the tone you have - of being patient, kind and loving towards all - irrespective of where they are in their journey to understand the LGBTQ community. This tone is quite rare.
My teenager just came out as being gay and his tone is very much off the cuff confrontational even though as parents we both very readily accepted and I was not even surprised- I was just waiting for him to come out in his time. How do I help him get to your kind of comfort and confidence and tone?

like

I'm sure that deep inside he appreciates your love and support. Hang in there!

likeuplifting
Recent IconRecent

As someone who does not have transgenders in immediate social circles, I have been ignorant to many issues being discussed. Just want to say thank you for educating me.

like

It is my pleasure. I sure hope this helps.

Hey Chris, me again. Sorry you are having to deal with some pretty low IQ rhetoric from the peanut gallery

like

Yeah yeah

I usually get nervous about asking this, when someone shares they are transgender, what's the appropriate response? I usually want to ask questions, but it's probably not the best time.

like

Well, it depends on the situation. If it's their coming out communication, then congratulations and encouragement are in order. If it's an off-the cuff comment ( kind of like saying "as a blond" as "person of color") then I don't think any sort of reactions are particularly warranted. Perhaps a simple nod, an acknowledgement. In any case, being polite and smiling is always the way to go. In short be Canadian!

likehelpfulfunny

My colleague feels unsupported at work, especially from our leadership when asking for more programs & events about transgender issues. What can I do support them when they are in & are not in the room?

like

I agree with this. I’m also trans and now I’m basically not doing any more trans “work” so to speak because it took a lot of time and effort and was not appreciated in promotion reviews when peers spent time working on proposals or selling work.

like

Sometimes I see this, but professionally, what's the best way to handle a backhanded compliment, even if it's well-intended?

like

I would like to ad that sone awkward people like myself sometimes give backhanded compliments when actually trying to be sensitive and honestly complimentary. :( assume good intent and kindly point out if such has done.

like

Do you prefer to be identified as a women, or a trans women. I have always wondered this and never had the opportunity to ask sometime before.

like

Well I trans women ARE women. We simply have different histories. So to me Trans is simply a definer of the time of woman that I am. I'm a trans woman. A French-Canadian woman. A woman who works in advertising. A writer. None of these things are mutually exclusive. So, yes, I identify as a woman who happens to trans.

likeupliftingfunnyhelpful

Hi Chris :)
Does DEI committees and incentives to hire more marginalized minorities and BIPOC actually work? Could you tell us about your experience at Cossette and in the Canadian industry?
Merci!

like

Hello there! I do think they work however there has to be a complete plan that includes committees, objectives and internal actions. Often companies focus on only one of theses points and so their efforts fall short. We're being to see some positive results where I work, however we tend to focus more on our shortcomings. It's a big shift and structural change can take time.

like

Chris, when did you know you weren’t a boy? Also, do you think you were born this way or was there a set of circumstances that you think led you to where you are?

Thanks!

like

oups, I pressed send too fast. The idea of being trans was never discussed. That is why it's so important to listen to children. Often, they know what and who they are.

I love this so much!!

I have a trans sibling and it was hard for me to adjust to using her new name but how can I ensure she feels supported? She’s pretty introverted and we live in different countries.

likeuplifting

I think Enthusiast has it right. Practice the new name. It's okay of you slip up from time to time but it's also okay to apologize when you do. Presence is key. The good news: it's easy to be present in a digital world.

I have always wondered, do transgender people like to mention they are transgendered? Usually I would wait until that info is shared with me before asking.

like

In really depends on the person. My transness is quite obvious given my height and voice, so I have no qualms about sharing that part of my identity. Others prefer to remain "stealth" for any number of reasons. Don't forget that in many situations outing a trans person can lead that can be difficult of dangerous in more conservative settings.

like

Did you ever feel pressure to change industries because you are trans person?

like

I actually had to change industries. I was a journalist and chief editor in a major publication in Canada but had to leave my field of choice because it wasn't very accepting of trans people. I found advertising to be a more open world. But things have changed!

likeupliftinghelpful

At what age did you know you identified as a woman/girl?

like

I've always identified as a girl/woman. But, being a child of the seventies, it took me a very long time to find the proper words. There were many years of self-loathing before I mustered whatever courage it took to come out.

likeuplifting

Hi Chris, thank you for offering your perspective. In reference to pronouns I think having gender neutral is great, but I find they/them can be confusing at times due to its dual meaning of a group of people. Do you think there could be a benefit to a new gender neutral singular pronoun or is there another reason they/them is preferred that I am missing?

like

Hello there. It is my understanding that in English grammar they/them also exists as a singular pronoun ( like in the sentence "if a client cut their budget I would tell them not to expect miracles"). That is why they/them is the most used of gender neutral pronouns compared to neo-pronouns such as xe or ze. From that point of view I tend to envy English speakers. Spanish and French speakers ( like me) have to deal with heavily gendered languages.

like

Hi Dana, my neice is in law school are there any resources you recommend for students who are interested in trans equity & inclusion?

like

Hi there! First of all that's awesome for your niece! Law school is difficult, but rewarding.

As for resources, I would recommend the following resources:

- ACLU LGBTQ Resources https://www.aclu.org/other/resources-lgbt-equality

- U.S. Transgender Survey https://transequality.org/issues/us-trans-survey

- American Bar Association's Trans Legal Resources https://www.americanbar.org/groups/diversity/sexual_orientation/resources/transgenderrights/

like

Hi Chris,

Curious as this has become something of a slogan in some political circles, but if someone where to ask you what you believe the definition of a “woman” is, what would you tell them?

Are there any non-circular answers to that question that have satisfied you that affirm trans identity?

Thanks!

like

That is a very difficult question. And I do wish I had a straightforward answer to you. One of the reasons I transitioned later in life is that perhaps I couldn't quite come up with an answer to that question. I wrongly felt that my word was not enough. For me, it's a question of coherence. I feel more coherent with myself post-transition. I certainly don't deny the biological definition that describe cis-women. I just believed that "women" is a broader family that include trans women. All I can say is that if you act, live, love, work as a woman that you are part of that social family. I find that in our world social groups bear greater importance than biological groups. Social bonds is how we ultimately define ourselves.

This is amazing! Thank you so much for doing this.

This is a genuine question and I hope it doesn’t make me sound insensitive and non-inclusive.

We all have personal struggles and challenges from our own life and experiences. How do you think we balance the awareness for trans people along with the myriad of other differences we each have that also lead to discrimination and hate? Beyond, race and sex - such as mental health, disabilities, obesity, socioeconomic class, etc.?

like

Dear Strategy Manager. One of the things I have found enlightening from my past years of public speaking on this topic is how many people from other marginalized groups ( cultural, religious, racial) identify to some of the experiences I've gone through. The mechanics of exclusion are fairly similar for everyone. Although many different needs exist and these needs require specific answers, taking a broad generally inclusive stance is a step towards greater inclusion for all.

Thank you for this ! I cannot express how important it is that we need to have this open conversation to improve things 🥰🥰

like

Thank you for your message. Cheers

If we are unsure whether someone is transgender - not trying to be offensive, but sometimes people present in ambiguous ways and might just be more masculine females or feminine males - is it best to always ask for pronouns, avoid asking and try to make any determination. For people I’m close with sure I’d ask, but for acquaintances and colleagues we don’t work with regularly. What should be my approach?

like

It's becoming increasingly acceptable to ask for a person's pronouns. You can start by saying " Hi, I'm KPMG 4, my pronouns are x/y what are yous". If that is not the avenue you decide on, may I suggested listening to how this person refers to themselves, or to how their colleagues address them?

Thanks for opening the forum on this. How does someone or yourself personally know you are a different gender? what is it that made you feel like a women before transitioning? No judgment just want to understand and grow my knowledge of understanding.

like

It's a very difficult thing to answer. You know in the same way that you know what your tastes like. It's like a gravitational pull, if you will. The world of men, felt wrong, like it wasn't for me. I feel myself, I feel at home in the life of a woman. My life before felt like a play. I was never IN my life, always outside of it, always watching myself perform the role of man. It's a very alienating experience that can lead to a world of pain.

I'm 4 days late (sorry! Just got the notification from FB.) and have really appreciated the comments above. My background is very non-diverse "traditional values" so I haven't had many experiences with trans people so when I do; I sometimes inadvertently misuse gender labels or don't know what to call them (non-binary specifically). Should I be proactive and ask/explain up front before it happens and say I'm working on it or just apologize and explain after i make a mistake? I just don't want to draw unnecessary attention to gender when it really doesn't change the social context of the situation.

like

It's always ok to politely ask what pronouns people prefer. Intention is key. If you project kindness, chances are your question will be received with kindness and interpreted as an expression of your desire to be more inclusive. If you happen to make a mistake, there is no harm in apologize. If you do make a mistake but cannot apologize because it would bring to much attention to the person, make sure you get the chance to use the proper pronoun soon after so that the person in question can see that you've corrected your mistake. Hope this helps.

Related Posts

So I recently started a position with Fox. When it was presented to me in interview, I was told I would be working aligned with Fox Sports & Entertainment, not so much News. Now that I’m here, I’m seeing everything I’ll be doing is with the News team & makes me uncomfortable. No diversity, outdated software & process.
Financially, it’s the best position I been in. But mentally in this environment, it’s depressing & slow. Nothing innovative or engaging. What would you do?

like

At work do you ever describe who you’re dating without using gender specific pronouns just to avoid finding out if a co-worker is going to act weird about it? Lol

like

Hi! First time working with a larger company - suggestions on handling pronouns at work?

I’ve worked with smaller agencies where it was easier to bring up. Now I’m on a larger team, talking to/referencing people I’ve never met. I’m less concerned about my own pronouns and more concerned about how to make sure I’m using the correct pronouns for the people I work with.

I’ve been structuring sentences to avoid gender specific pronouns but would love to hear suggestions. Thanks!

like

Best company to work for in the Triangle - NC area? Preferably with high diversity.

like

How do you deal with colorism that promotes diversity and inclusion in the workplace?

like

Drinks today near Chelsea/Midtown area? 32 - F
Pls share age/gender

like

Larsen & Toubro Infotech Deloitte India Lets date if we are in same city.

Comment out your city names and gender.

Larsen & Toubro Infotech Tata Consultancy Infosys Accenture IBM Nagarro ZS Associates Deloitte India KPMG EY Deloitte Twitter Amazon

like

Are there any diversity clubs/groups in B4/EY? Are they worth it in terms of meeting new people/networking/making friends?

Hi everyone! I’d love to hear your thoughts on EEO surveys during the job application process. Is it more beneficial to self-disclose or refrain from disclosing race, gender, disability, etc?

Which method is more likely to get your application noticed? Any guidance would be helpful on my job hunt. Thank you.

like

How is H.S. sped different than middle? I’m considering moving to H.S. One does resource and the other school doesn’t. What’s your typical day like as an inclusion teacher?

like

How many Firm (non-billable hours) a year do you commit, where do most of them go, and what’s your gender?

like

Hi, I am a single-parent with a 9 year old daughter. Is anyone else dealing with same gender sleepovers with sexual exploration occurring? Exploring as in my daughter says outright “I am going to kiss you,” to her bestie before bed. Then after 15 minutes of giggling in bed I go to tell them to be quiet and see my daughter’s bestie is showing her buttcheeks to my daughter. To top it off they start trying to tell me they are laughing because they are reading “belly laugh books for kids”. Help.

Does BCW not allow conservatives to be employed at this company? I’m sitting through another meeting where we are highlighting amazing women and it is so politicized I am completely offended. AOC, Biden, Ilhan, Hilary... I mean at try to be inclusive when speaking of diversity. You can’t name a single female in the Conservative party throughout history?

like

How did you begin to implement equity and inclusion into your organization?

like

I love my job and the people I work with, but there’s one thing that really bothers me: the lack of diversity. Sometimes when I walk into the office and see everyone else around me as the only POC, it feels kind of weird. I don’t think anyone here has ever said anything racist or sexist to me personally, but I don’t feel comfortable talking about these issues with anyone because they might take it personally and then things could get awkward between us.

likehelpful

"Why do we need diversity? We need the broadest amount of people saying 'that could be me.' Make them white. I don't want to keep having this conversation." - casting global TV spots

like

Any advice from fellow women in this industry? How did you overcome gender biases?

like

More Posts

AWS Cloud and Security+ certified,
6+ years of tech experience ranging from hardware networking to Security and compliance.
Looking to get into cloud security, analyst, TAM, consulting... I'm open and hungry for something new.

like

Is there any chance of not receiving ELRP from ZS Associates after completing 12 months? I have ELRP of 1.5L.

I’ve been trying to figure out dosage and medication over the past month and wanted some insight from people who may have more experience with diff doses. I started with 5mg Adderall for 2 weeks but it stopped being effective around the 4-5th day. I switched to 10 mg for a week and it was good but a bit up and down, so switched to Vyvanse 30 mg for a week, which was too strong. I’m now on 15 mg Adderall, but it feels like I can’t concentrate and I’m scattered. Question in comments:

like

Hi All, I have a total of 4.4 years of experience in Mainframe and current CTC is 10.35. Today IBM PDM round is scheduled. How much CTC should I ask?

Opened up $ROKU puts expiring next week, hoping for a small short term correction

like

Got an offer from Mastercard for L6 level,DOJ in December end.How safe is mastercard offer in current scenario ?Did mastercard ever revoked offers?how is internal situation in mastercard?

like

A creative team I started working with recently has decided to ignore my every comment. They take feedback from anyone else but me, and whenever I push them to make said changes, they just pick fights and make snarky comments. Anyone have any idea why this might be?

like

First time soon to be a dad here. Is it abnormal that I don’t want to have sex with my pregnant wife?

Are the rents going insanely up recently? I was looking for a 2BHK in Baner and since last month the prices have almost increased 40-60%. Is this a one off case or anyone else seeing this trend?

like

Thoughts on how SAP handled bonuses this year with Covid

CORD Blood and Tissue banking.

1. Who has done it before?

2. What company do you recommend?

3. Do you think its worth it?

4. Did you prepay for 20 and 25 year storage or just pay the annual fee for storage?

like

Hope everyone back home is safe and healthy!

like

I have recently received offer from jpmc as an associate of consumer and community banking, that means job grade will be 601?

like

Math is, admittedly, not my strong suit. How difficult is the math in a long-term SCM career?

like

Does anyone else feel like Chicago has basically given up on masks? I try to take a walk every day to break up the wfh monotony and see masks on less than half of fellow pedestrians.

like

Anyone from KPMG’s SAP Practice (if PP/QM, even better), willing to connect?

like
like

Has anyone else had experiences with a client presentation going bad? What happened and how did the client react?

like

Hello lovely people , anyone from AmerisourceBergen? I applied for the field reimbursement manager job in Chicago and praying I get an interview .

like

We all know takes a special kind of person to work in public accounting, it takes an even more special of a person to stay in public accounting knowing they could go else where get paid more & do les

like

Additional Posts in The Work-Life Bowl

Ngl I was expecting to see at least one post about DMX on here today

like

Best desk chair for $100-$200? Not looking to spend more than that.

helpfullike

How long was it till your puppy was fully potty trained? Have been on a good track but still accidents here and there

likehelpful

Is there any truth to the claim linking the Pfizer vaccine to infertility? My dad keeps sending me articles spouting these crazy conspiracy theories. They’re usually easy to disprove but for some reason this one has me worried.

like

Is it Thursday evening yet?

What’s your favorite week day?

like

I AM LIVING WITH MY BOYFRIEND AND I JUST CLEANED THE TOILET LORD SAVE ME

funnylikeupliftinghelpful

Question for fathers with grown children. My dad is very much one of those who keeps all negative emotions entirely internal. His sibling just passed away. Should we as his children just show up to support him, or give him space? If we ask he'll say he's fine regardless of how he's actually doing

like

What’s the best channel or TV show to play in the background while you’re working?

uplifting

My professional life at the moment is far from ideal. I’ve been on quarantine (long story, but a good one) for the last seven years. Royalties from my books don’t pay the bills. My entrepreneurial pursuits remain hampered. For the interim, I’ve been looking for a remote opportunity where I can leverage my skills in marketing, sales, social media, and elsewhere for a decent sum. I have a social media presence which, in recent years, reached millions. There has to be something exciting I can do.

like

I'm not going to get back 5 hours of my life.

Watched "Indian Matchmaking". Full of incredulous stereotypes that I abhor. Indian here, btw.

likefunnyhelpful

Is it just me feeling this way or does anyone else feel people are being incredibly selfish? I went for a drive and saw a bunch of people outside eating at restaurants and walking outside with no masks on and not just not giving a fck

likefunny

What are your best health and fitness tips for someone just getting into it?

like

Do we know which consulting firm was contracted to build the IRS' Get My Payment tool?

Deciding if I should trust it with my SSN and personal info.... or if the gov't built it themselves.

likefunny

Looking for recommendation - Anyone here uses air purifier for allergies and which one?

like

If you schedule 12PM meetings for people who are in the same time zone and your thing isn’t urgent, you’re a MONSTER

likefunny

Do you guys think that schools maybe middle/high school should teach economics/investing early on? There is software out there that will let you place hypothetical bets and will follow the markets real time. Get the next generation to be more financially savvy and get them to be familiar with etfs/options/stocks and market cycles.

like

I just finished Shoe Dog. It was a great book about Phil Knight’s entrepreneurship journey, but came up short on Jordan influence and brand story. Does anyone know any books specifically about the Jordan brand?

likeuplifting

Who is excited about the finale of the mandalorian?

like

I am so making this my new WFH set up!

Post Photo
likeupliftingsmartfunny

God, I miss my nice/peaceful commute home. Listening to a podcast in traffic was one of the highlights of my day

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone

OR

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal