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Do you think it's offensive if I don't include pronouns in my signature or mention my pronouns during professional meetings?
Rising Star
A quick point: context is key. Sometimes the setting will be too informal, or to rushed to go around the table asking for pronouns and that is ok too. When that happens, listen to the way people refer to themselves and each other. Nobody is saying that we should constantly walk around stating what are pronouns are to the world. That is why evergreen markers like an email signature or social media handles are important they do that job for you.
I too have no specific questions but reading through all the above is really eye opening. Thank you so much for this gift. Also I really love the tone you have - of being patient, kind and loving towards all - irrespective of where they are in their journey to understand the LGBTQ community. This tone is quite rare.
My teenager just came out as being gay and his tone is very much off the cuff confrontational even though as parents we both very readily accepted and I was not even surprised- I was just waiting for him to come out in his time. How do I help him get to your kind of comfort and confidence and tone?
I'm sure that deep inside he appreciates your love and support. Hang in there!
As someone who does not have transgenders in immediate social circles, I have been ignorant to many issues being discussed. Just want to say thank you for educating me.
Rising Star
It is my pleasure. I sure hope this helps.
Chief
Hey Chris, me again. Sorry you are having to deal with some pretty low IQ rhetoric from the peanut gallery
Yeah yeah
I usually get nervous about asking this, when someone shares they are transgender, what's the appropriate response? I usually want to ask questions, but it's probably not the best time.
Well, it depends on the situation. If it's their coming out communication, then congratulations and encouragement are in order. If it's an off-the cuff comment ( kind of like saying "as a blond" as "person of color") then I don't think any sort of reactions are particularly warranted. Perhaps a simple nod, an acknowledgement. In any case, being polite and smiling is always the way to go. In short be Canadian!
My colleague feels unsupported at work, especially from our leadership when asking for more programs & events about transgender issues. What can I do support them when they are in & are not in the room?
I agree with this. I’m also trans and now I’m basically not doing any more trans “work” so to speak because it took a lot of time and effort and was not appreciated in promotion reviews when peers spent time working on proposals or selling work.
Sometimes I see this, but professionally, what's the best way to handle a backhanded compliment, even if it's well-intended?
I would like to ad that sone awkward people like myself sometimes give backhanded compliments when actually trying to be sensitive and honestly complimentary. :( assume good intent and kindly point out if such has done.
Do you prefer to be identified as a women, or a trans women. I have always wondered this and never had the opportunity to ask sometime before.
Well I trans women ARE women. We simply have different histories. So to me Trans is simply a definer of the time of woman that I am. I'm a trans woman. A French-Canadian woman. A woman who works in advertising. A writer. None of these things are mutually exclusive. So, yes, I identify as a woman who happens to trans.
Hi Chris :)
Does DEI committees and incentives to hire more marginalized minorities and BIPOC actually work? Could you tell us about your experience at Cossette and in the Canadian industry?
Merci!
Hello there! I do think they work however there has to be a complete plan that includes committees, objectives and internal actions. Often companies focus on only one of theses points and so their efforts fall short. We're being to see some positive results where I work, however we tend to focus more on our shortcomings. It's a big shift and structural change can take time.
Chris, when did you know you weren’t a boy? Also, do you think you were born this way or was there a set of circumstances that you think led you to where you are?
Thanks!
Rising Star
oups, I pressed send too fast. The idea of being trans was never discussed. That is why it's so important to listen to children. Often, they know what and who they are.
I love this so much!!
I have a trans sibling and it was hard for me to adjust to using her new name but how can I ensure she feels supported? She’s pretty introverted and we live in different countries.
Rising Star
I think Enthusiast has it right. Practice the new name. It's okay of you slip up from time to time but it's also okay to apologize when you do. Presence is key. The good news: it's easy to be present in a digital world.
I have always wondered, do transgender people like to mention they are transgendered? Usually I would wait until that info is shared with me before asking.
In really depends on the person. My transness is quite obvious given my height and voice, so I have no qualms about sharing that part of my identity. Others prefer to remain "stealth" for any number of reasons. Don't forget that in many situations outing a trans person can lead that can be difficult of dangerous in more conservative settings.
Did you ever feel pressure to change industries because you are trans person?
I actually had to change industries. I was a journalist and chief editor in a major publication in Canada but had to leave my field of choice because it wasn't very accepting of trans people. I found advertising to be a more open world. But things have changed!
Chief
At what age did you know you identified as a woman/girl?
I've always identified as a girl/woman. But, being a child of the seventies, it took me a very long time to find the proper words. There were many years of self-loathing before I mustered whatever courage it took to come out.
Hi Chris, thank you for offering your perspective. In reference to pronouns I think having gender neutral is great, but I find they/them can be confusing at times due to its dual meaning of a group of people. Do you think there could be a benefit to a new gender neutral singular pronoun or is there another reason they/them is preferred that I am missing?
Hello there. It is my understanding that in English grammar they/them also exists as a singular pronoun ( like in the sentence "if a client cut their budget I would tell them not to expect miracles"). That is why they/them is the most used of gender neutral pronouns compared to neo-pronouns such as xe or ze. From that point of view I tend to envy English speakers. Spanish and French speakers ( like me) have to deal with heavily gendered languages.
Hi Dana, my neice is in law school are there any resources you recommend for students who are interested in trans equity & inclusion?
Hi there! First of all that's awesome for your niece! Law school is difficult, but rewarding.
As for resources, I would recommend the following resources:
- ACLU LGBTQ Resources https://www.aclu.org/other/resources-lgbt-equality
- U.S. Transgender Survey https://transequality.org/issues/us-trans-survey
- American Bar Association's Trans Legal Resources https://www.americanbar.org/groups/diversity/sexual_orientation/resources/transgenderrights/
Hi Chris,
Curious as this has become something of a slogan in some political circles, but if someone where to ask you what you believe the definition of a “woman” is, what would you tell them?
Are there any non-circular answers to that question that have satisfied you that affirm trans identity?
Thanks!
Rising Star
That is a very difficult question. And I do wish I had a straightforward answer to you. One of the reasons I transitioned later in life is that perhaps I couldn't quite come up with an answer to that question. I wrongly felt that my word was not enough. For me, it's a question of coherence. I feel more coherent with myself post-transition. I certainly don't deny the biological definition that describe cis-women. I just believed that "women" is a broader family that include trans women. All I can say is that if you act, live, love, work as a woman that you are part of that social family. I find that in our world social groups bear greater importance than biological groups. Social bonds is how we ultimately define ourselves.
This is amazing! Thank you so much for doing this.
This is a genuine question and I hope it doesn’t make me sound insensitive and non-inclusive.
We all have personal struggles and challenges from our own life and experiences. How do you think we balance the awareness for trans people along with the myriad of other differences we each have that also lead to discrimination and hate? Beyond, race and sex - such as mental health, disabilities, obesity, socioeconomic class, etc.?
Rising Star
Dear Strategy Manager. One of the things I have found enlightening from my past years of public speaking on this topic is how many people from other marginalized groups ( cultural, religious, racial) identify to some of the experiences I've gone through. The mechanics of exclusion are fairly similar for everyone. Although many different needs exist and these needs require specific answers, taking a broad generally inclusive stance is a step towards greater inclusion for all.
Thank you for this ! I cannot express how important it is that we need to have this open conversation to improve things 🥰🥰
Rising Star
Thank you for your message. Cheers
If we are unsure whether someone is transgender - not trying to be offensive, but sometimes people present in ambiguous ways and might just be more masculine females or feminine males - is it best to always ask for pronouns, avoid asking and try to make any determination. For people I’m close with sure I’d ask, but for acquaintances and colleagues we don’t work with regularly. What should be my approach?
Rising Star
It's becoming increasingly acceptable to ask for a person's pronouns. You can start by saying " Hi, I'm KPMG 4, my pronouns are x/y what are yous". If that is not the avenue you decide on, may I suggested listening to how this person refers to themselves, or to how their colleagues address them?
Thanks for opening the forum on this. How does someone or yourself personally know you are a different gender? what is it that made you feel like a women before transitioning? No judgment just want to understand and grow my knowledge of understanding.
Rising Star
It's a very difficult thing to answer. You know in the same way that you know what your tastes like. It's like a gravitational pull, if you will. The world of men, felt wrong, like it wasn't for me. I feel myself, I feel at home in the life of a woman. My life before felt like a play. I was never IN my life, always outside of it, always watching myself perform the role of man. It's a very alienating experience that can lead to a world of pain.
I'm 4 days late (sorry! Just got the notification from FB.) and have really appreciated the comments above. My background is very non-diverse "traditional values" so I haven't had many experiences with trans people so when I do; I sometimes inadvertently misuse gender labels or don't know what to call them (non-binary specifically). Should I be proactive and ask/explain up front before it happens and say I'm working on it or just apologize and explain after i make a mistake? I just don't want to draw unnecessary attention to gender when it really doesn't change the social context of the situation.
Rising Star
It's always ok to politely ask what pronouns people prefer. Intention is key. If you project kindness, chances are your question will be received with kindness and interpreted as an expression of your desire to be more inclusive. If you happen to make a mistake, there is no harm in apologize. If you do make a mistake but cannot apologize because it would bring to much attention to the person, make sure you get the chance to use the proper pronoun soon after so that the person in question can see that you've corrected your mistake. Hope this helps.