{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Hi Ladies, I just need to talk my thoughts out. I’m about to visit my SO’s family with him out of state and stay for four days. I agreed to do so a few months back. Recently with workload change (I was planning to take time off eoy but won’t be able to do so), I really don’t have it in me to give four precious days to someone else. I’m about to head to airport soon and really really really don’t want to go. But I feel bad for cancel so last minute. This is purely on my bandwidth, not them…", "post_id": "619d54d858684b00339b2b2a", "reply_count": 31, "vote_count": 4, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting" }

Hi Ladies, I just need to talk my thoughts out. I’m about to visit my SO’s family with him out of state and stay for four days. I agreed to do so a few months back. Recently with workload change (I was planning to take time off eoy but won’t be able to do so), I really don’t have it in me to give four precious days to someone else. I’m about to head to airport soon and really really really don’t want to go. But I feel bad for cancel so last minute. This is purely on my bandwidth, not them…

likehelpful
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What if you shared with him and them about work and your current stress? What if you didn’t hold it in/try to put on a good face? I know it’s risky, but I think it’s worth it. Most of the time when we’re don’t want to be around folks it’s because we don’t want to put in so much effort in interacting. What if you relaxed your standard a bit? Sometimes when I somewhere and let people see me upset and stressed, I feel a lot better and more bonded to them knowing they can handle it. As someone else said, not going might be a relationship ender. For me, it’s an indicator that you don’t prioritize what’s important. Family is everything, and if you want your boyfriend to turn into family one day, it’s probably a good idea to show up and also see if they can hold you where you are Bring books and maybe a frown/willingness to explain your frustration. They may just surprise you.

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I definitely understand this! Definitely helpful if you already have a relationship with them so the first impression isn’t cancelling. Also helpful context that you prepped your SO ahead- that makes a big difference. Hoping you can steal moments of relaxing wherever possible

Go, enjoy it, and try not to work a ton. Time with your SO and their family is an investment in the relationship. I have in laws that are tough for a lot of reasons, and visiting them is in NO way restful, but it’s important to us to cultivate those relationships because they are getting older. We won’t have them around forever. I can always bag a Friday or claw back some time from work, but we may not have a ton of chances to see people we love/care about. As others have said- create more boundaries with work going forward. Always remember that they would lay you off in a heartbeat if they wanted to, so match that energy. Take a day or an afternoon between now and the end of the year and then when this project ends, take REAL time off. You won’t last if you don’t.

likesmart
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If I was your SO, canceling last minute trip to see my family would be a relationship ender.

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“Relationship ender”?!!!!! Are we that fickle now?

I actually don’t think you should cancel the trip - but maybe you can set boundaries on needing to work part of the days you’re there?

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You agreed to do this, I don’t think cancelling is the move here. However, I do think that after this trip you need to sit down and evaluate your priorities and WLB. It sounds like you’re burnt out and your job is affecting your mental health, to the extent that it’s also at risk of affecting your relationships.

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I wouldn’t cancel this late, it’s super rude. If anything, fly home Sunday morning and have Sunday to yourself.

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Or fly home Saturday, this is my go-to.

likehelpful

Thanks for all the comments! It feels good to hear these so I know it’s not just me going crazy! I’m boarding my flight and going to head back early.

likeuplifting

family > work

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If anything I would shorten the trip but not cancel

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While youre considering canceling a holiday trip with your SO and family, I’d consider and reflect whether your priorities and values need to be realigned. As you mentioned, time is precious. I’d have an open convo with your SO about how your work schedule will impact the trip and stress, seek a solution for it together before you decide to give up and cancel.

likesmart

I say go, hopefully you and your SO have your own hotel/ Airbnb. That way outside of Thursday , you can easily skip what you don’t feel like doing in the name of work even if you sleep all day. You get to rest, you get to work and you keep your promise to visit.

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I wouldn’t have the balls to cancel this late

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And yes I do secretly want to hear someone say I should cancel. Just really hard to pull the trigger and countdown is 20min

likefunnyhelpful

So you have 4 days off and instead of visiting your SO's family like previously arranged (and the reason why you're taking those days off work), you'd rather stay at home alone and do nothing all 4 days?

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OP you must be a natural introvert, and need time by yourself for recharging. That’s okay. I hope you were able to build in some alone time when you were visiting. Ps: be careful of this though- my brother’s wife must also be an introvert (she doesn’t act like it, tho). When they visit, she will sit for hours in the room, by herself. It comes across as rude to the rest of the family…. Thus, we all don’t really like her.

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Don’t ever choose work over relationships. Work will replace you in a matter of days if something happens to you. Relationships are forever.

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Do not cancel. That would be very, very bad optics, and also kinda rude. Just relax, enjoy the 4 days, and do some fun things with SO during the trip. Get out and sightsee, etc. it sounds wonderful, in my opinion!

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First you are not obligated to work on your days off Second, I know how it is, you want to get your work done. So, both work and family are manageable as long as your SO is understanding and leaves you to work for a few hours per day. For a recent 4-day wedding across country I worked in flight, also from 6-8 am, took calls for a couple of hours in the afternoon, and for about an hour before bed. The family barely noticed I was missing, and I was able to make sure critical items at work were handled. Besides, it’s Thanksgiving. Sounds like you really could use a break. The sky will not fall in your absence over a long holiday weekend.

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No. Lots of situations can become awkward and put you in a bad position with colleagues. What if he’s coming (from their perspective, as your date) and starts spending an inordinate about of time with a colleague? Don’t bring him unless he’s truly a boyfriend. Next time could be someone else and you don’t want that perception of lack of stability in your life. Just my two cents.

You seem to be replying to something about a holiday party? Which is not this post.. just FYI

funnylike

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