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Sending you hugs! It will get better. I promise. But you are totally allowed to vent and rant about how much it sucks right now.
The one thing that helped me was just letting the housework go. Iâll tidy up when baby is older.
Thatâs what Iâve been doing - I have s cleaning lady who come every other Monday, I am a bit OCD but Iâm letting go of it, at least for now. Thank you for your support!!
Thereâs a course called âTaking Cara babiesâ that saved us. She teaches how to set up a routine so that baby is eating enough during the day and getting enough active time to be tired enough to sleep at night. Eating that often any be an indicator that baby is in a snacking habit so just eating a few sips so theyâre not super hungry, but also not full, so they wake up hungry soon after. None of that is anything youâre doing wrong at all, itâs just a routine - and itâs *only* worth changing given that it seems like itâs not working for you.
Key points from her class - baby brains are wired to have one âlongâ stretch of sleep so limit naps to two hours during the day otherwise baby night read those as the long stretch.
Try to keep baby awake to do good full feedings rather than letting them doze right off (it makes sense they doze off because eating and snuggling with mom is the best thing in the world). We would take off socks, rub babeâs head, take breaks and burp - all the things to keep them awake.
If you can keep a eat-wake-sleep cycle baby will start to learn to doze off without having to be nursing which helps a lot in the long run with sleep schedules. Meaning- feed, then play, walk around the house, look in the mirror, all that stuff - then when theyâre sleepy (she teaches how long babies should be awake at each developmental stage) you put them down for a nap still awake and they learn to fall asleep (and to be clear none of this involves any crying - if they cry you soothe etc.).
Her methods are commonly circulated on moms groups. Her insta is public. She recycles her content from other sleep experts.
At three weeks your baby has a tiny stomach and needs to eat frequently. Time and growth will help ease this, baby will start to take in more per feeding with longer stretches in between, but the first few weeks are very intense. Making it to the 6 week mark for us was a noticeable difference and beyond that there will continue to be changes and you can establish better routines. But yes, this is how it is with a newborn and it takes time. đ
Also, is it possible baby is suckling for comfort and not actually hungry every time? If you are breastfeeding and using formula, perhaps baby is full and just needs comfort sometimes? Have you tried a pacifier? We used them for our babies and it didnât interfere at all with feeding and gave me the sanity break I needed.
Thank you for this!!! đđŒ
Every baby is different but I actively worked to keep mine awake as much as possible during the day. Lots of stimulation and playtime during the day and then from about 7pm on, I would feed on demand but with low lights, only soft lullabies, etc.
The nanny we hired ghosted us right before I went to the hospital, our parents live in South America and the borders are closed and they canât come and help us. I am not complaining bc heâs the cutest thing, I guess Iâm looking for advice on how to improve his sleep at night? Or words of encouragement this will actually get better? i was told it does once he is 6-7 weeks old. This is basically our nights: feed him, burb, change diapers, he sleeps for 30-45 mins and then repeat. Lol. Cluster feeding!! Thank you in advance!
Coach
Normal -
Try to de-prioritize anything else and sleep when baby sleeps. For me it was hiring a cleaning service so I wouldnât have to worry about cleaning the house.
Oh man, big hugs. The first 2-3 months suck for getting sleep, so it's good that you and hubby are trading off. If you can get a nanny, I'd try it again or if a friend or neighbor can help you out a couple hours a day for a nap or something I would solidly endorse that plan.
It will get better though! Eventually babies sleep for longer stretches and then through the night. Every baby is different for that, but it happens eventually.
Congratulations on the baby!!
It gets better. I just had my baby boy, he is 4 months now. My husband and I were also on our own with family around through FaceTime. Hang in there it does get better. The newborn phase was exactly how you are saying, living life in 3 hour blocks. What worked for us was that breastfed the baby during the day blocks and I also pumped in the morning and evening to leave enough for the night feedings which my husband handled so I at least got 6 hours or undisturbed(ish) sleep. We also got the snoo bassinet but that doesnât come in handy until about 10weeks. There is a shift that happened around 10 weeks for us and things got a bit better. I also spent 2 of the daytime blocks in bed with the baby and just fed him and slept. One thing I had to let go of was having a crystal clean house and cooking any sort of meals in order to get enough rest to be able to feed my baby. Husband makes breakfast and basically lived on Uber eats and freezer meals for lunch and dinner.
If you can afford it, have an overnight doula or night nurse come. Itâs expensive but I would have paid anything for sleep. You sleep and then they bring the baby to eat as needed, and then they soothe the baby back to sleep. And then with my second I hired a sleep trainer to gently sleep train right at 4 months. Again expensive to have someone come do it (v do it myself) but best money weâve ever spent because now at 2 year old the best sleeper for naps and at night. It was super gentle training, barely crying, and still had one night feeding until around 9-10 months.
I say this with all the love in the world: you are in the thick of it, and this part sucks. And it does get better, truly. (Our kid will be 3 this month and I have basically forgotten about the newborn chapter.) I went to a new moms group where the facilitator was like, âfirst 4 weeks, do whatever you need to survive. Second 4 weeksâŠalso that. Third 4 weeks, start thinking about schedules or routines.â Lean hard on your partner whenever possible, get everyone outside at least once during the day, try to each prioritize sleep so ONE adult is well-rested enough to make sense at a time. (I canât tell you enough how magic a five-hour stretch of sleep can be.)
Coach
My little one just turned 6 weeks. Similar situation with breastfeeding supplemented with formula. The two things weâve found helpful with him and his older sister are 1) exposing them to more light during the day and less at night to signify a change and 2) stuffing him with formula before âbedâ (around 10) because the formula keeps him full longer. We just had a 5 hr stretch 3 nights ago!! but back to 3 hours last night... Itâs a struggle, however youâll be through the hardest part soon. Hang in there. Itâs 100000% worth it in the end!! đ€±
This is the hardest part so just know all mamas go through this! If you can look into getting a night nurse even if itâs just for a week or maybe a couple nights a week to offer some relief. The sleep deprivation can have a real impact on your sense of well-being and ability to think and function clearly in the day. There is NO SHAME in calling in for reinforcements if you need it.
I was very anti co-sleeping when my son was born but I was so sleep deprived that one day around 4 weeks I drove home from the store grocery and realized when I got home I didnât buckle his car seat! I then realized that safely co sleeping for naps allowed he and I to both get the rest we both needed and was safer than me trying to parent alone on virtually no sleep. It was a game changer. I know the co-sleeping is controversial and not for everyone but I offer it up as an example of how once youâre in the thick of it sometimes plans and philosophies go out the window because you adapt to what both you and baby need to function together.
It will get better but survival is the name of the game for those first 2-3 months (especially with your first!). Hugs and hang in there!
Subject Expert
I loved cosleeping with my LO. We both slept great, and it was amazing for bonding. I still remember listening to the sound of her little breaths in the dark as she fell asleep. I swear she used to smile at me when she woke up in the mornings, even when she was too little for it to be anything but gas. She knew mommy was there.
I would not trust LLL but do your own research. Talk to your doctor. Donât listen to random, even if well meaning, strangers on the internet. And of course make sure hubby is onboard. đ
Wake him up during the day for more feedings, if feasible. At that age I would not let them sleep more than 2-3 hours straight during daylight.
Agree with all of the above!! For us, the book Momâs on Call was a life saver and utilized many of the practices outlined above. See if any friends have copies of that or Babywise or any of the other books that leverage the more activity, less sleep during the day, bed time routine, and full bellies for better sleep at night methods.
Hang in there!!! There is life on the other side!!
If thereâs any possibility he is still hungry, maybe feed him formula at night for a night or two so that you can make sure heâs getting what he needs and you can eliminate hunger as an issue that he may be waking up for. I wonât bore you with my long story but after bfâing on demand non-stop, my husband fed our baby formula one night bc I was truly so tired I couldnât wake up that night and the baby happily drank it and slept for hours (as did I) and it was a turning point in our entire relationship.
Coach
It will get better!!!