{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Hi moms - I’m a FTM and my leave is ending next week 😭😫 I’ve loved being home with baby and being able to devote all my attention to her and my family. I’m anxious about the transition back and...", "post_id": "5bc7617bc06bb00017f66a82", "reply_count": 16, "vote_count": 1, "bowl_id": "58f81646ae9f610010f869be", "bowl_name": "Consulting Moms" }

Hi moms - I’m a FTM and my leave is ending next week 😭😫 I’ve loved being home with baby and being able to devote all my attention to her and my family. I’m anxious about the transition back and...

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I thought starting childcare before going back was really helpful so we could work the kinks out of our morning routine and could get comfortable with the transition points (whether dropping off at daycare or handing off to a nanny - we have done both). With the nanny, I was able to show her how I wanted the bottles done, the laundry, etc. and she was great at getting all of that done while she napped. It was so nice to come home to all of it done and just be able to have quality time. When we did daycare, I bought a ton of extra bottles, etc and when we did daycare, lots of dishwasher/washing machine safe labels and stuck them on/ labeled everything. I made sure we had grocery delivery set up, Amazon Prime, and instacart for Costco. When kid(s) were in bed, i could get all the ordering done and not spend any evening/weekend time running around. Also got a meal planning service and a house cleaner weekly. We started a list of things we wanted to do with our kids around the city and tried to do 1-2 each weekend. Didn’t have to be big (could be to take her for a walk in the park or check out a play place). It was nice to have stuff to look forward to each weekend. Also signed up for some stuff with the baby - my husband did a cute swim class on Saturday morning and I did a baby and me yoga on Sunday. It was nice to have a couple of hours on Saturday to get my nails done or anything I wanted to do and then it was also nice to have time alone with her on Sunday in a really relaxing and connected way at yoga. Anyways agree that the first few days made me feel like I couldn’t do it / I needed to quit. But once we got comfortable with the routine, it was good. It also required some convos with my husband because we needed to work out what each of us would do. Mainly just reminded myself that the schedule and responsibilities are just a problem to figure out and we’ve had to keep figuring it out for years (I’ve gone back 3 times and feels like each time is different and just when we have a routine, our kids’ needs change!) Good luck - you got this!

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Hey - I’ve done it twice now and the first 3 days had me on the brink of quitting. However, once the nerves worked out and we got our schedule down, it always got a lot easier. Now I love having work as an outlet! It’s hard sometimes when I feel like I’m missing out at home, but I also know that I don’t think I’d love being home all the time.

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Totally echo D2 - I love my kids beyond what I could ever imagine. I just am wayyyyy more patient and fun with them when I don’t spend 24/7 with them. As a mom of 2 who spent her second maternity leave with an 18 month old terrible 2s toddler in addition to a baby, I was DEFINITELY ready to get back to adult interaction on a daily basis.

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Kpmg2, not necessarily. Being a good parent does not necessarily require you to be with them 24x7. Being a good parent is knowing and acting on what is best for you and your family. I love myhusband, but i do not want to be with him all day. I love my kids, but thank God for good childcare. I think I would go bonkers at home with a 2 year old all day.

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I also don’t know that I find it selfish to have pursuits outside of my family. I makes me a better mom. Is taking time out of their waking hours to work out selfish? If it makes you happier and healthier - it’s worth the investment in yourself. Work is no different for me. Plus if I ha e daughters, I want them to know that it is good to have a career. And I want the sons I do have to see that their mom is a bad ass executive one day.

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I have been back at work for almost 3 months now. First five weeks were hard, less sleep lack of focus at work, it’s a much better routine now. Here are a few things that helped me 1. Hired a full time nanny 2 weeks before I started work, wish she would have able to start sooner. Asked her to stay back an hr. After I got done with work, so that I have some buffer and between work and baby tasks 2. Wrote a long list of ground rules / expectations from Husband and discussed it with him , got him onboard. He eventually gets it now and owns his responsibilities 3. Delegates as much as your budget allows cleaning / Instacart/ groceries / food delivery 4. Set boundaries at work with your colleagues and bosses 5. Carve an activity for yourself- a gym class with a friend / a dinner date / movie whatever works for you 6. Space out PTOs, I take a random week day off just to spend time with my LO I started enjoying being a mom a LOT more after I got back to work.

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Like the others, my first week or so back was very hard with my first. What I learned was to ease back in. Start PT, if possible. If not, try to start back mid-week and/or close to some holidays as a way to get acclimated. Also agree that starting childcare a week or two early is invaluable!

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I agree with what everyone says above. Also, as much as you can plan in advance (baby clothes, your meals, etc.) The better....put as much of your week on autopilot as possible.

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I just want to say i was so happy to go back to work! The first week was hard (hello not sleeping really) and i turned 30 at the end of the week (blergh)... But! I was happy to see some co-workers, talk to people, and have a breath of air outside of my family! It is absolutely about time spent being quality time, and when I was home i didnt feel like it was that quality! Eventually your kids will go to school and not be with you anyways... so may as well make them adaptable today. You can do it mom!

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Thank you all so much for the insight and planning tips 👍

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This probably isn’t so much of an issue since we’re all in consulting but staying busy and challenged at work really helped me to remember I was back at work to learn and challenge myself (and pay back loans..) and not focus so much on everything that I was missing at home. I still tell myself constantly that I’m a better mom when I’m working and thinking but thankfully it does get easier!

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...would love to hear your experiences regarding what to expect or how to make going back a bit less stressful (or just send positive vibes)! TIA 🙏

Sending positives vibes! I am a FTM too and will be facing this in a couple if months. It scares she sh!t out of me!

If you can, surround yourself with people at work who understand what it’s like. The partner I work with is an incredible dad (he once left a steering committee meeting to go to the hospital for his kid) and even having that outlet of me having a small rant about childcare issues or letting him know I want to head home early was very important. Good luck!

FTM here as well. I find it a bit odd when I hear myself or others say “I couldn’t be at home all the time ect.” I think to my self, Isn’t that basically saying that we don’t want to spend so much time with our children? Again not trying to guilt anyone. Just some thoughts....

Yes I understand we need to do what it takes to be a “good” parent. My only issue with your analogy is that yes you love your spouse, but your spouse is also an adult. Young children are fully dependent on us for everything, so I think it’s a little bit different.🤔 I think they also further reveal our own inner selfishness.

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