{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Hi Rachel! Holiday question - \nHow should I balance my personal “wants” vs. family obligations during the holidays? I am exhausted, want to stay home and rest, do my hobbies, while SO wants to fly to the Midwest to spend time with his large extended family. I would like to set expectations but am unsure how to approach the conversation.", "post_id": "6170322daacd82003343e42e", "reply_count": 4, "vote_count": 6, "bowl_id": "616d882e7889c60027944c3e", "bowl_name": "Relationship Advice: Ask Dr. Rachel" }

Hi Rachel! Holiday question - How should I balance my personal “wants” vs. family obligations during the holidays? I am exhausted, want to stay home and rest, do my hobbies, while SO wants to fly to the Midwest to spend time with his large extended family. I would like to set expectations but am unsure how to approach the conversation.

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If the relationship is serious then you kind of have a duty to spend time with his family during the holidays (if family is important to him). Compromise with him on a timeline that allows you to rest for a few days before visiting the family for a few. I'm in a similar situation and understand how tiring it can be. Maybe stay in a hotel so you can have some down time?

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Good suggestion; it works for us. My husband flies to his family before me. I get a few days to relax quietly at home with no pressure and do whatever I want. Then I fly out to meet up with them for a few days.

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Approach the conversation by explaining that you value their desire to see family but that the best holiday gift they can give you is to not travel. Perhaps it means they go by themself every other year, or you make the trip together to the Midwest during other times of year that aren’t as hectic.

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Good options! SO has already expressed that we need to spend both thanksgiving and Christmas with his side. I’m thinking of asking to pick either holiday but not both - would be helpful. Or the other options listed are also helpful!

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