{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Holiday season but.. Anyone else's marriage ends up falling apart because of traveling? I think it's coming for me.", "post_id": "58555eb0c836800016388a8c", "reply_count": 17, "vote_count": 3, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting", "feed_type": "crowd" }
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Holiday season but.. Anyone else's marriage ends up falling apart because of traveling? I think it's coming for me.

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Just quit. Honestly what makes you happier, making PPTs, getting yelled at by clients, having no real decision making authority because you are external, late nights in shitty hotel rooms, meals by yourself, cancelled flights, the TSA, OR the person at one point in your life you sat across from and committed to working together in order to make your lives better. Up to you.

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Asking for understanding is a short term solution that can get you through hard times. "Hey I'm going to take this project, it's going to be 6 months of torture but please hang in there with me". Not "hey im going to take this job for 4 years, just ride it out".

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Saying oh sweetie is super condescending. Go to the corner Mck1

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Make the minutes and hours with your spouse and/or family. I've always been a big believer in quality over quantity. Plan real dates for when you're home. Send presents back to home while you travel. I've been consulting for 12 years. Married for 10 of it. Traveled for 8 of the years. Some of "road" years of marriage were actually better than the "home" ones because we really valued the time together.

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Be determined to make your marriage work.

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A shitty thought so feel free to ignore but your SO might be looking for an out and using travel as an excuse. Try to figure that out because if you solve travel problem and then another issue comes up you'll be playing that game for years.

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@EY, do you think asking for understanding from SO is too much?

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No, marriages work or fall apart because of both parties involved. It won't be because of you it will be the lack of communication and working shit out. Being local doesn't magically fix everything.

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At one point in this career you need to ask yourself if you are on partner track or not. If not, plan your exit opportunities. Don't be that manager or SM that hangs around too long and doesn't contribute anything and has somehow miraculously avoided being fired. So if you are on partner track, the travel thing is going to be an issue, if not, maybe it's time to accelerate the getting out option or at least be open about the timelines to achieve your getting our status. If you take a 10-15% pay cut and it saves your marriage (assuming you want to save it) who cares. Divorce is expensive anyway and if you have kids then that's a whole other ball park. Anyway just my 2 cents. Dealing with shit too at the moment so sort of just venting anyway and trying to keep shit in perspective.

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But you do have to work at it.

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I bet McK 1 is female... oh sweetie ugh !

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Thanks guys. I am still very new in my career and I don't know if I'm on the track or not. Recently married as well. My SO has an attitude that since you are away 4 days a week so not so inclined to solve issues. I know eventually if it doesn't work out, it's gonna be all my fault because I travel.

Actively look for local staffing. Speak with project lead to see if you have option to travel every other week. Ask your SO to come along when possible.

Oh sweetie, your marriage isn't falling apart because of traveling...it's falling apart because (it seems) you're not willing to work through the problem. "Welp, my marriage failed because I traveled *Kanye shrug*" is a cowardly cop out.

Thanks guys. Yeah it was condescending @McK, and I appreciate your perspective. You sensed a sense of powerlessness and you were right That I felt nothing that I could do If my SO has an attitude of not wanting to fixing things because I travel, per thread above. You seemed to judge very quickly and not be able to relating to others and think others are flawed just because they have an issue. And I used to work for McK, and I left because of behaviors like this. Happy holidays.

Lol

They say that 80% of partners are divorced (some remarried, some not). I believe that. Travel puts a huge strain on any relationship, even if you work hard to mitigate. I'm not saying it can't be overcome, but I think it's definitely a huge challenge.

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