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Let's be candid about female over 40 challenges on the dating scene. Most men of all ages want someone younger, under 40. Research shows a perfect downward sloping curve in the desirability of women along the access opposing age. For men, desirability is on an upward trend into the 40s. Beauty and fertility, and money and status, are society's desirability measures for women and men, respectively.
Recommendation for women over 40 in the dating scene... watch out. The men interested in you will most likely be looking for a caregiver or nurse with a purse! 😊
MD1: You give this 40+ woman hope. Thank you
I got dovorced at 40, thought my life was over. Took care of myself and then started dating. Got remarried, to an amazing woman. I have never been happier.
Don't give up hope. Stay in action. Good things will come your way.
Make a “Dating Over 40 in Consulting” Fish Bowl? 😁
If you try online dating you need two things. Extreme patience and a rock solid sense of self worth. You will encounter the same people in real life (strange, mean, self centered, clueless, incompatible and a few good ones) just more volume and at a faster pace. Learn not to let it bother you and wait it out. Learn that other people being assholes doesn’t reflect on you
You M or F?
Being a female, dating in your 40s can be particularly frustrating and humiliating if done online. I would find people with similar interests at an event or place you frequent. Avoid online hookups.
Am so sorry for your pain. You are so brave to ask for suggestions. Not to be campy but pursue off work passions. I joined a garden club that provided a very bizarre path to who would become my Husband. I joined the club because gardening made me happy and good things followed. Be happy with you first and then follow your bliss. Good things will follow!
After a series of blips from 38-44, I met my renaissance man / husband (7 yrs older) at 45. It happens! Don’t have a timeline - just be clear on your expectations and values.
I am 44 and never married/no kids F and it is rough out there!!!!!
It used to be hard to meet people I like because I was very afraid of commitment. Then I just went for it and started being way more open and available to being in a relationship. Met a great guy and it didn’t work out (he broke it off). I was gutted but it served the purpose of me realizing I actually LIKE being committed. Now, back on the scene and finding it hard to date with travel and not being as involved in activities in my city as I’d like to be. I now feel lonely at times which I never used to.
As a man in the same situation, I find dating easy but finding the time and energy more challenging. All the apps are a game changer. They make it so easy. I date in cities I travel to and in my home city. Unlike most, I have no desire for a serious relationship but love casual dating.
👍
Match.com found me someone who not only can deal with the fact I’m not home all the time but appreciates that not always being around can be a good thing. That was nearly 12 years ago and we finally tied the knot in 2016.
Having something a little different from the “same old same old” of other people’s profile helped. Think of it as no different from selling ourselves with a snazzy resume on RFPs, only you’re proposing other services. 😊
“Nurse with the purse”! Lol
M here and I can definitely relate
In person much better than online . But never easy
OP, How old are your kids? If you are looking for female companionship, you do need to find at least 1 evening on the weekend (F, S or Sun) that you reserve for dating because it is important for your own wellbeing and that of your kids that you find time to unwind and are happy. It it means getting a sitter than you should.
As far as apps, try getting on multiple apps. The ones I use are Hinge, Bumble, Cofffe Meets Bagel, and Tinder. Once you create a profile, it shouldnt be too much work. Do make sure you have nice pictures. Made a world of difference for me in terms of increasing the match rate.
Match has worked well. Just be discerning and selective since there are many good, quality people in the same position
Tough one. I'm divorced and my kids still 9-13. I agree with others' comments about online dating, but to me, it's the most feasible for consultants traveling M-Th. Meeting people and starting things out wasn't that hard in my case. Problem has been after 3-4 months, the people I've met have realized that even with my best intentions, I'm not able to give them the time they'd like, and that my free time (at a premium) tends to go to my kids. So for now, I'm just waiting out until the kids are a bit older and don't want to hang out with Dad, then I'll see what I can do on the dating front. Good luck, and embrace the now...
Thanks for your honesty. That's my concern. My therapist said there was no reason to think I wouldn't find someone but I don't think he really gets how little time we have available.
Early 40s male here. And I date women of all ages, but definitely think about connection/chemistry before age. I have dated younger women with “old souls” who really challenged and amused me. And also older women who seemed more together but actually ended up being highly insecure and deceptive. It’s tough to generalize. I’d say for everyone who is looking to date in this age range, be comfortable with yourself first. Go and do things you like and you will find what you are looking for. I also tried some dating services and I have had some interesting experiences :) finally.. you have to be careful, but kids activities / parents outings can be a great source as well. I have been to some kids parties where the single parents actually have their own table to meet and mingle!
Stay away from free or cheap dating sites. I met my wife on eharmony in my 40s. It’s a little pricey and the questionnaires are long but that’s the point - weeds out people that aren’t serious.
I’m at the TED conference and meeting loads of interesting, smart, successful folks in their 40s - 60s. It’s obviously not intended as a singles meet up but perhaps conferences could be part of a strategy. Good luck
Lean in and talk to people in person
Hey, baby...let’s find each other at DU. ;)