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Take your gains and buy something really nice for yourself
can I be honest? I am the wife (or gf rather) in this situation and I really hated whenever my bf pressured me to do it. It's not because I'm stupid or don't understand what can be gained, it's just a matter of - it's my money and I decide my risk tolerance with it. I grew up in a very frugal household and my parents lived a good life on median salaries, never using the stock market, and I want to use that same level of caution. Maybe she's not willing to lose anything and so doesn't choose to invest at all. (btw - having no credit card is a v good financial strategy if you are trying to manage debt - she may have learned that behaviour from somewhere else even if she herself isn't in debt)
He was coming from a good place but it ended up being so patronizing and bossy that I told him to stop bringing it up.
We are very onboard with home price target and have compatible lifestyle choices/ purchases. I have been reflecting on this post and the comments provided and appreciate your feedback D10.
I hate seeing money sit in the bank and inevitably decrease in value due to inflation. My wife doesn’t really care about investing and would prefer to never take on any risk. She is content with going to her job and avoiding the hassle of any extra labor to grow wealth. I think that our lives would be better if there was that hassle and I am happy to do the work. Even extremely low risk is better than letting money sit and fall from inflation IMO.
I think the takeaway is to accept that she has a risk intolerance and take comfort in knowing that she also makes a 6 figure salary. Many ppl I know have a SO that doesn’t earn money and has large spending habits (my mother lol). I consider myself lucky here. If anything she provides a cushion for my more aggressive risk taking. Maybe one day she’ll be more open to the idea, but for now, I’ll just show support and offer advice if she ever wants to take it.
Have you showed her this: 🚀 🌙
Honestly hard to argue with that DD
Position it as a long term thing, not a short term thing. Up her contribution gradually - not all in one go, but $500 each month...$1000 each month...etc. You’re not going to get a good response if you tell her to put most of her earnings in the market lump sum, so I’d almost talk about it in terms of investing a future portion of salary vs what she already has, even if that’s painful to you.
You need to empower her, not make her feel patronized (which is how your post comes across, even though I totally understand where you’re coming from!), so it’s important to strike that balance.
If it’s my partner’s money, then yeah. Obviously I wouldn’t be pleased with it, and would suggest they dial it back, but it’s not my place to force them to do anything with what’s theirs - until it gets to a point where it’s harming them and turning destructive. That’s where it changes for me.
gambling certainly could, and I’ll also point out that I don’t think that’s equivalent to not investing and sitting on cash. Because one outlook is very conservative and another is not. OP’s wife might see his investments (depending on what he’s invested in) as the equivalent of horse gambling. If his gains are from something like GME, then couldnt you say that’s equivalent to gambling? A bit is fine but something like that could escalate and end poorly very quickly - so again, it still would ultimately be up to them but we’d seriously need to talk if it hits a point where it can get destructive.
If it’s joint, then I’d certainly feel more angst and work to change their outlook - but it’d be a gradual process and one that necessitates compromise and “rebuilding” from the ground up as I mentioned above.
I’m not saying I love either situation, to be clear.
Chief
Let her keep her cash, you’ll need it when you lose yours. 40% gains are not sustainable, or rather if they are you should be running a hedge fund.
Chief
I mean Jim Simons did it for a couple decades, and as far as I know he was the only one and it made him a multibillionaire.
Stop telling people what to do with their money, even if it's their SO
just stop
I'm assuming they have separate bank accounts so maybe they could add one more for retirement where OP handles the investing. What he really needs to do is get his wife to sit down with a financial advisor/planner that can hopefully be a neutral third party and explain all the risks and benefits. Also, I'm sure she has a 401k so it'd be interesting to see how shes ok with one, but not the other.
Rising Star
It took years to convince my sister just to open her 401k and get the match. Some people are afraid of or don't trust the market.
Is she knowledgeable about inflation? Stocks are a good way to reduce the impacts of inflation, which could be very bad over the next few years. Her savings account won't protect much against it.
If the concern is inflationary advice should be to look into real assets; real estate or gold. Investing in good growth stocks can also provide shelter from the impacts of inflation.
1) yes encourage her to invest. If she can capture market returns on a substantial investment, that will help cover closing costs.
2) include her in investment talk and decisions. Managing your own money and managing someone else’s money are two different ball games. If those 40% gains swing to losses it could turn into a point of conflict.
Pro
Dude, I wouldn’t advice to force her if she is not comfortable.
be careful one of my friend did this. His wife made good profits for two months and then lost a very large sum. Things got so terrible that the she asked to close tradings accounts of both and only then she started talking again.
You know your wife best and answers above are good but decide based on your judgement
I, like your wife, also have trouble investing in the market. On my end, it’s because I grew up poor with a “get rich quick” parent who regularly squandered any extra money we had in bad trades. So my view of the stock market is that it is, essentially, just gambling with a lot of smoke and mirrors (nothing I have learned about it as an adult has changed that viewpoint yet). I know there’s money to be made and that my “high yield” savings account’s interest rate is utter trash right now, but it’s hard to feel remotely safe investing. Perhaps she grew up similarly? It’s hard for people who didn’t grow up that way to understand but please try to understand and respect her reasons for feeling the way that she does.
Rising Star
No problem- come join us at /r/personalfinance where we at least aspire to give judgement free advice. Completely agree that upbringing has a huge impact on our attitude towards money- I acknowledge its importance, I acknowledge that attitudes towards money are inherently emotional topics for those who grow up without it.
Here’s the great news: from your job title alone I can guarantee that you have enough income to retire with proper planning. Happy to walk through big picture stuff as needed- with the caveat that a professional advisor may give you more comfort in their expertise than I, a random nerd on internet who just likes chatting on personal finance topics
Similar situation. Wife is sitting on 100k in her current account. I am at 52% gains but still unable to invest at the potential I can so I give her the benefit of doubt and think of it as a hedge.
OW: you definitely jinxed it :)
My fiancé is like you, and I was like your wife. Heres what he did: he asked if he could do a comprehensive look and both of our finances and prepare a financial plan and some recommendations as we plan for a wedding and buying a house. He didn’t frame it as I want you to get a CC, move your savings into a high yield account, establish a joint brokerage with me... etc. He asked me for a bunch of data points over a period of like 2-3 weeks, and then he picked a night and presented everything about both of our financial situations back to me over dinner. It wasn’t like a client meeting, but close. Printed charts, detailed budgets, clear recommendations. We made joint financial decisions, some of which included me doing things I’d never considered or thought would be too risky. It was low key incredible. I had no idea he was so like passionate about it, I mean, I knew he was personally passionate about investing and stuff, but I had no idea he knew so much about it. I’m a novice, and come from a family where it wasn’t discussed. It was a wonderful experience and I learned a lot without being made to feel stupid.
Let me know what you come up with ... been fighting this battle for 4 years.
I said hey boo I'm logging into our amex savings, what is the password and can you send me the pin when you get a text? Then said the rate is dogshit so I'm gonna transfer some money.
Ease her into being less risk averse by trying smaller steps. The credit card was a good step!
Rising Star
Convince her to get an index fund at vanguard or some such and call it a win for now.
Pro
How about just accepting her for who she is?
You are not starving without her putting her money into the market, so put away that greed and start loving her.
I am greedy and I love her. Because I love her, I want her to be wealthy.
OP, McK2 is right; listen to her concerns and learn why she is the way she is.
I experienced a similar situation with my wife some time back... For her, having cash provides a sense of security; I came to learn that this behavior, as someone alluded to earlier, is founded in her upbringing and past experiences... (long story)
Fast forward to today, she is up 52% and doing trades on her own.
I don’t know if this helps but here are some things I can highlight that worked for me/us;
1. Acknowledged that our risk appetites are different and that’s OK
2. Encouraged her to open her own brokerage account so she has total control over it rather than her giving me her money to manage
3. We discuss trade ideas, but whether she executes and how much is up to her, not me.
4. Accepted that she will likely have more cash than I care for us to have uninvested, but I am glad that she has invested a decent amount in her brokerage account over time and continues to increase that amount.
5. I invest more and save less considering that she has enough cash in savings for us for a rainy day - No need for both of us to keep cash
If aiming to buy a house next year, it may not be a bad idea to set aside the downpayment so that it is secure. Then outside of that downpayment and emergency fund, invest the rest.
Identify the behavioral biases that are causing her to be so risk averse. Find ways to overcome those biases during your discussion about finances...
Also, Shift the conversation from an annual return (40%, wohoo!) to a Probability of Success of achieving your long term goals.. so define those. Make it less about money and more about retiring and traveling and your kids education.
Explain to her the difference between risk tolerance/appetite and risk capacity.
If you establish these things your should be able to have a more mature conversation about your money management.