{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "How can I overcome the struggle that has ensued after discovering my partner has been cheating? I’m having a hard time being able to trust my partner.", "post_id": "617031f488748b003503ab1d", "reply_count": 6, "vote_count": 3, "bowl_id": "616d882e7889c60027944c3e", "bowl_name": "Relationship Advice: Ask Dr. Rachel", "feed_type": "qa_bowl" }

How can I overcome the struggle that has ensued after discovering my partner has been cheating? I’m having a hard time being able to trust my partner.

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Cheating is a deal breaker for me. Once that trust is broken, there's no going back.

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If they are willing to change their behavior and work through why they felt the need to seek outside validation, it is possible for you to feel safe again, but I really think it takes time and action from your partner. Therapy for both and lots of time communicating should be a priority in my opinion. Best of luck to you on this difficult journey though.

So I believe cheating would be a deal breaker for me. But given you are asking the question, I’ll take that to mean it may not be for you (or you aren’t sure yet). A while ago I listened to something about “open” relationships that did make a good point - monogamy is the only thing that you are horrible at even if you only mess up once (the best athletes all lose, traders lose $$, etc.) Given that, if you think you’re willing to forgive, I’d try to figure out why what happened happened, consider how likely it would be to happen again and weigh how comfortable you are going forward. But don’t stay with someone just to stay with them, if you truly don’t find space to forgive just walk away now, you’ll be better for it in the long run the quicker you cut the cord.

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