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Dear God please give me the strength
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OP - how do you define “a bigger life”? As you said, it’s not travel or designer clothes, so ask yourself the tough questions: what do I really want and what do I need to feel fulfilled? What do I need to change to make that happen? And most importantly, are you willing to make those changes?
You could always give back via charity or starting your own Non-Prof. Sometimes that provides more happiness than material possessions for ourselves.
Everyone carves their own path. Stay strong and focus on your health too while you continue to grow.
Is there some other way in which you'd like to treat yourself?
Well you said you didn't wanna buy designer but there must be something you'd like to treat yourself to
I don’t think the two are exclusive. I think it is both you and the depression. You feel as though your current life is unfulfilling and as a result you feel depressed.
Can you elaborate on the feelings? Do you feel empty, angry, sad, apathetic, bored, etc? All of the above?
Suicidal and angry and nothing at all makes me feel comfortable or pain free or peaceful. All I can do is wonder how to escape
Take a leave of absence, at least 6 months. Doesnt have to be travel, dont have to have any plans lined up to start, just a break from the consulting grind. This is something youre in a unique position to do because of the excess income/savings you have. The vast majority of the working population does not have the ability to just stop working for long periods of time, living paycheque to paycheque or having major liabilities (family, mortgage, debt).
Take that time to try different things outside of your normal routine without the stress of work. Pick something youre interested in and learn about it, work on eating healthy/exercise, volunteer in a way that helps people.
Not liking frivolous consumerism (designer clothes) is a superpower! Trade that money for more time and see if you cant find something more meaningful that makes you happy.