{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "How can you even form a family in this wlb? I'm only in my 25 and single. Work alone already takes 10+ hours daily, add in gym/cooking/sleep, I find I only have 1-2 hours left a day to actually chill. \n\nHow do you even raise kids in this corporate culture?", "post_id": "611c44bb6b4d410022b65898", "reply_count": 180, "vote_count": 90, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting", "feed_type": "crowd" }
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How can you even form a family in this wlb? I'm only in my 25 and single. Work alone already takes 10+ hours daily, add in gym/cooking/sleep, I find I only have 1-2 hours left a day to actually chill.

How do you even raise kids in this corporate culture?

likefunnyhelpful
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Raising a family is not an uncommon thing to do. Millions do it everyday. Reorganizing time and coordinating with your partner can make this work. Some people opt to have a parent stay at home full time, but some don't have that luxury. We chose to do to it with one parent home and scrape by as best we could. My income was expected to increase over the years, and it did.

I work from home and have for years. I also used to travel quite extensively. My wife stayed home to take care of kids through early years of school. She then put herself through college and grad school once kids matured a bit more to be less dependent on us at home.

We're both now working. One kid drives and the other I take to school and pick up from school. I structure my work schedule to be mostly done while kids are at school. Family time is early evening doing dinner, catching a movie or something like that. My kids are both in Sxouts so there's a lot of after hours involved there too.

Weekends we plan activities to do more together or support the kids in their activities.

Yes, it's exhausting. Yes it's difficult. But having kids is not a walk in the park even when you have all day available.

like

So FTM here with a few thoughts

First, Lots of lower SES people work the same hours we do bc they need multiple jobs or side gigs to make ends, and they still have kids.

Folks on this app are lucky bc we are relatively well-compensated for our hours. This means we can:

A) have a spouse who cuts back or stays home
B) pay for childcare
C) locate ourselves close to family members or friend who can help us with the LO
D) Some combo of all of the above

What all options require, though, is boundaries, a strong support system (again paid or family / friends), and an SO that supports the culture you’re trying to create for your kids.

I’d also add that it seems like constantly assessing and reassessing your situation is important. We have a family friend who said she’d never leave the workforce, but due to the needs of her kids she did. It actually worked out well for the family. She became a franchise at a business that is popular in the suburbs and had a 7 figure exit right before COVID-would have never happened had she stuck to her “I’m never leaving the workforce” stance

like
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I only need 3 minutes to begin forming a family

funnylikeupliftinghelpful

A2, 4mins is way too long, some of us do it under 1 min

You're not entitled to a family. The world owes you nothing. I know you're only 25 but the sooner you learn this the better. If you want something (like a family) make it happen - stop making excuses.

likefunny

This is the guy that’s miserable in life and thinks work is more important than actually living your life. Work to live not live to work. Time = Money you get either or.

likesmart

I don’t have kids but I’m fairly sure some of the time cuts will come from chill, gym, and sleep 🤣

likefunnysmart

Yea, I will look for a partnership definitely. I don't want to be a stay-at-home dad, and I wouldn't want my partner to be like that either.

like

I'm married with a kid and I work 10 hours a day and a workout 1 hour a day. We cook almost all of our food, too.

I get up around 5-5:15am
Get to working out around 530- 545am
Back home before 7am
Shower, eat get dressed by 8am - pack my lunch while eating breakfast
(Wife gets the little guy up and ready while I'm working out)
I drop my kid at daycare and am at the office no later than 830am
I work until 430pm and go get son from daycare
From 445 to 730 (when we put my son to bed) is family time and cooking dinner/lunch for tomorrow
7:30-930pm work
930-10/1030pm hang with wife watch TV
1030pm, head to bed.

10 hours of work, family time, workout time and 1 on 1 te with wife.

We have no nannies or housekeepers, we just prioritize and are efficient.

You can have it all!

likehelpfulsmartuplifting

EY2 - no problem. Happy to share. Feel free to DM me, would be happy to talk. It's a lot of little steps, trial and error, being consistent and making incremental changes.

like

Marry a person who is more interested in staying at home and raising kids…and is willing to accept the lifestyle that will require. That’s what my wife and I did. We decided we weren’t going to have kids only to hand them off to someone else to raise. It has worked out well. Good luck.

likesmarthelpfulfunny

Hey C2, I was thinking for a long time if you were even worth responding to considering the level of misogyny you displayed in your comment but I decided I will.

No one said a relationship isn’t built on mutual respect and trust, but let’s be honest with the trend, it is typically men who end up the abusers (emotional or physical) in relationships. Yes there are women who can become abusive at any point but the reality is that it’s not common, especially in a patriarchal society. And a lot of times, when women are abusers, it’s reactive abuse to abuse started by a man (read Lundy Bancroft “why does he do that”)

On top of that, you have this extremely damaging viewpoint that victims of abuse are at fault of their own abuse when there are women who are financially and domestically abused and cannot leave relationships even after they have seen the red flags. And for your information I have only been in one relationship and no abuse in that one. I am just very aware from visiting women’s shelters in college to the reality of relationships today and the level of risk women go through with them.

A woman can do all the work of getting to know someone but it doesn’t give her a safety net that is tangible, like a job or an income of some sort. I would recommend unlearning your misogynistic beliefs.

like

28 year old here. I met wife 6 years ago today actually. I have worked 10+ hours days most of that time. Some stretches way more, some a little less.

While work is a priority, I have always made my wife my biggest priority. Albeit she is understanding when work gets in the way, but I try to never let it. When I spend time with her, it’s focused on 100% her. It also helps me unplug. I wish I had better advice, but when you find someone that means everything to you, it’s pretty easy to adjust.

We also just welcomed our daughter into the world last month. 😃

likeuplifting

Congrats chief!

Also, please retire early so we peasants can move up. Thx!

likefunny

New mom here - both of us have demanding jobs - outsource everything (groceries. Cleaning. Etc). Have daycare and nanny help. Give up sleep. Only work out in morning. No chill. I’ll likely exit back to industry in a couple of years

likehelpful

Thanks for the data points!

Was at D until I realized that I wanted to devote more time to my relationship. Left for big tech for more $ with far fewer hours

like

K5 - I did all of the above. The only thing that worked is knowing the hiring manager and recruiter. Referral is a must

like

You either have one parent stay at home, or pay for a nanny/childcare.

like

^This is what’s it’s all about, particularly in these “unprecedented” times.

like

Stop the gym. Embrace the dad/mum-bod

likefunnysmarthelpful

A message sponsored by obesity and heart disease

likefunny

This is a temporary launching ground to land the job that allows you lifestyle and humanity

like

It’s very difficult and that’s why parents of younger children are stressed out these days. Corporate culture is an artificial culture that’s only been around for the last 50 years. I don’t think this lifestyle is going to last.

like

It’s also self inflicted culture with few workaholic people with no life setting the standards.

likeupliftinghelpful

Set boundaries. Consultants are so bad at that.

We have two kids.

My SO spent the past 15 years in pharma R&D. Most of the time it’s relatively easy going and occasionally it’s downright frantic with 18 hour days to ensure clinical supply needs are met.

I’ve bounced between pharma and consulting. I regret that I didn’t set boundaries early in my consulting days and I missed out on aggregate months if not years of family time. If I set boundaries back then I strongly suspect I’d be in the same place as I am now.

Long story short, don’t chase the dangling carrot. Money is fantastic outside of consulting. Realize some (most, unfortunately) of us are just trying to squeeze you for what you’re willing to give. And that you always have control of your life.

like

Well, I never claimed to be a great mom… but I’ve managed to get them to 22 and 16 without killing them, so…

likeuplifting

Honestly most of the consultants I've met with WLB issues are bad at setting boundaries. Sure once or twice a month something requires working late into the night or a few hours on a Saturday.

But 95% (M&A need not apply) of the time all it takes is a small comment to the client or engagement lead and they back off. It has to be catastrophic for me to give up a weekend and I rarely work past 6.

You'd be surprised how quickly people fold when you stand up for yourself. Also, become a morning person. I try to work out in the mornings and log on by 730 everyday now that we are remote.

likehelpful

Please explain why M&A need not apply. New to consulting and not familiar with the culture in M&A

I think what you’re missing, OP, is that you are trying to take your today priorities and apply them to your future life. Once you have a family, that list of activities will change. For one, you’ll be more efficient and likely able to do more in 8-10 hours. Gym time may be cut, or altered (lawn mowing is great cardio!), and that “chill” time?— you’ll be surprised how much you enjoy reading The Tickle Monster to your kid and hearing them squeal with delight when you do the voices.

like

I remember something a partner said at DU, that Deloitte will take what you give. You need to learn when to say no and set boundaries, especially when things like family and kids are involved.

likesmart

It’s a reason why you see lesser number of middle aged people in consulting.

like

Hey buddy -

You’ll figure it out.

I did, but it took me a while. Got into my final dating relationship at 31, got married to her at 35, had a first kid at 40.

I focus on working hard and bringing home the bacon. She quit and makes the family. I make enough and then some.

Like I said, you’ll find yourself.

like

I have a successful career where I have learned to set some boundaries and not let people or corporate world constantly pressure me to do more when what I’m doing is actually productive and offers value. If the company doesn’t think it’s enough…. I’ll move on to somewhere where it is. We imprison ourselves mentally.

likeuplifting

D2, which firm are you with?

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