How did your SO take you wanting a prenup. This is a dealbreaker for me..

Hubby was fine with it. Why would anyone mind? We make a will involving our minor children in case we die much earlier than expected. We don't want to die young. That isn't the goal. But it can happen.

We don't want to get divorced. It isn't the goal. But it can happen.

I’m getting divorced now. No prenup because we both had no assets going in so it didn’t make sense. Now if marry again I’d get one. Marriage is a contract. I wouldn’t go into business with someone without a plan for if the business fails.

Attorney me is fully in favor of a prenup. The part of me that tries to consider interpersonal relationships with more emotional intelligence says “it depends”. Some people view marriage as a 100% equal partnership regardless of earning potential, assets coming into the marriage, etc.

The one thing I can say? A prenup should be discussed and decided on before engagement. I had a friend whose future spouse sprung a draft prenup on her three months before their fully planned and mostly paid for wedding. The prenup could have been the most reasonable one in the world, but the timing made her feel trapped, and she called off the wedding/ended the relationship.

I never understood the “doing one is expecting to get divorced” argument. Flipside: If you’re never getting divorced, it won’t take effect. Better to have and not need…

I would say you’re looking at this the wrong way. Look at this from the prospective that If things end, there is the default law which may be unfavorable to you. You can decide the controlling law now when you guys love each other. Like I offered rehabilitative alimony should things end, a court may not have granted that.

He was fine with it. What makes it a dealbreaker?

My husband was all for it.

My in-laws were…not. We didn’t intend to tell them, but his sister let it slip (why my husband told ANYONE is beyond me, but at least he took the brunt of his parents’ “concern”). Ironically, she got one after we did and we’ve dutifully kept her secret 🙄

I think it depends on the type of assets and martial expectations. I have told him no way are we getting a prenup. Neither my SO or I come from money but typically inheritance isn’t community property anyway. He has a lot equity in various startups that I think he is concerned about but he also expect me to have a ton of kids and take care of them. He also expects me to play a tradition female role. I can’t do that with a big law job so that involves a ton of sacrifice from me. He can kick rocks if he wants a prenup.

Why is everyone focused solely on the divorce? The prenup comes into play when one of you dies too. I had a few clients who got seriously hurt by bad planning on their part in terms of prenup and wills/trusts. It all matters. The more prepared you are the better if you care about your loved ones at all.

Support this!

Shit happens. In the process of finalizing my prenup right now!

I proposed getting a prenup to my non-attorney fiancé and he was cool with it. We both have assets we want to protect, including interests in real estate and businesses co-owned with other family members. Also, not the exact same situation but similar - a few years ago, my dad split from his business partner of 25+ years and it was a mess. There was no partnership agreement at all. They spent over 3 years and tens of thousands in legal fees fighting over money and the office properties. This guy was my dad’s best friend and also my godfather and I’m sure my dad never thought he would be in that position, but they had a falling out and things got ugly. I learned a lot from watching my dad go through all that and my dad and I both agreed that when I got married, I would ask for a prenup. As I said, shit happens so in my view it’s better to be prepared for the worst and hope for the best.

My husband was fine with it. We had a conversation about it fairly early on in our relationship and never wavered from it. Really glad we did it, but here are a few specific reasons why:
(1) It’s a great opportunity to make some decisions about how the financial aspect of your marriage is going to work. We talked through what would be considered marital property vs. separate property, how we would pay for joint expenses, how we would make decisions about big purchases, how our finances and retirement savings would work if one of us left the workforce, how much of our individual income would go into a joint account, whether we even wanted joint accounts, and so on. Talking it through and putting it on paper was a huge help. Of course, we aren’t required to stick to what we decided forever, but we at least have a framework.
(2) It’s much easier to have conversations about what things might look like if you split up when you’re still in love with each other and care about each other. Because then, it’s just a hypothetical. But if it became real, if you did a prenup, you made those decisions at a time when you were trying to be fair and do right by your partner and vice versa. Not only will it mean that neither of you gets screwed over if you take that approach, but it’s one less thing to have to worry about when going through a divorce. Who knows how you’ll feel about your partner at the end of your marriage.
(3) The simple fact is that 50% of marriages end in divorce. I believe it’s smart to do some planning on the front end to maybe avoid divorce (see point 1) or make the divorce as straightforward as possible (see point 2).

Dealbreaker because you want one and your SO doesn’t?

I asked for one. My SO agreed to it. He is not an attorney and does not make more than me. (Also, I did not ask for one because I make more than him)

We didn’t have significant assets when we married so it didn’t make sense but if I were getting married now I would absolutely do it. If you can’t have a calm, mature conversation about what you each bring to the table financially and be willing to write that out, you’re not equipped to handle the ups and downs that come with marriage.

Better safe than sorry. Watched my parents fight a legal battle for years when I was a teen during their divorce because they didn’t have a prenup. Things got pretty nasty. They brought us kids into the mix. Told my partner about my experience & he agreed best to have a plan.

My grandparents made me a limited partner in a family partnership that owns a piece of real estate. All they asked was that if any of the grandchildren got married we would get prenups saying that partnership interest would stay in the family. Now depending on the state you're in an interest in a business like that might not be considered an inheritance because you're now an active owner receiving annual income distributions and probably using those funds to support your lifestyle. My sister is now in the process of getting a divorce and while her ex always said he would never ask for that property, and still hasn't, it is a concern. I spoke with my wife before we got married about getting one and she said fine, but I was lazy and didn't do it. She would still sign a post-nup now, but again I'm lazy. But all it would say is we split everything except my interest in the family partnership. That is mine and is completely off the table for determining our worth at any date of future divorce.

The discussion started before we were engaged. My wife a bit put off but understood the logic. It was pretty smooth at first. But once we lawyered up to negotiate and draft it, it became more “real” for her, and things got a little tense. Eventually, we got it signed. About to hit our one-year anniversary.

We had a “wedding” but to keep our assets separate we didn’t get married til a couple of months ago, and only because we needed to for our mortgage. Like… two days before we closed. Reading through this thread, I really need to get going on a post-nup. That being said we both have assets that our parents contributed to and we understand a post nup is a security plan. We don’t plan to get divorced but there’s a billion possibilities in this world and I don’t want to leave it to chance.