{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "How do I know if I’m just stupid or my mental health is affecting me? \n\nI’ve recently found myself struggling at work. It all started when I had to prep slides for a client training shortly after I rotated into a new seat. I spent a lot of time reading but couldn’t understand anything. Then there was another research task which I also struggled with (reading but not processing) that made me doubt my capability. \n\nI had depression/anxiety last year but thought I recovered. (cont.)", "post_id": "616a54550060db002ecf3e7c", "reply_count": 8, "vote_count": 6, "bowl_id": "59d02db312fe2f0011e02215", "bowl_name": "Depression/Anxiety Talk" }

How do I know if I’m just stupid or my mental health is affecting me? I’ve recently found myself struggling at work. It all started when I had to prep slides for a client training shortly after I rotated into a new seat. I spent a lot of time reading but couldn’t understand anything. Then there was another research task which I also struggled with (reading but not processing) that made me doubt my capability. I had depression/anxiety last year but thought I recovered. (cont.)

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I’m also pretty sure that I have imposter syndrome (always think I’m not as good). I know poor mental health can affect my cognitive ability, but it could also be that the concepts are themselves not easy to understand and it takes time to learn or that I have been given the clearest instructions so I was confused and lost. Whatever it is, the reason I’m asking this is because I want a solution and I don’t want it to affect my performance. That stresses me out too. Maybe I’m already in a downward spiral…

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If you're reading and not processing (which i think means you're having to go back and read the same thing repeatedly and none of it sticks) I'm going with mental health rather than stupidity. I have gotten to a point a couple times where I just couldn't read anything because I couldn't retain any of it. Not even my "junky/entertainment" reading. Took a week off the last time and I think it took most of that time to get back into a headspace where I could read and retain any information from it again.

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What did you do during that week off to help yourself recover? My situation got worse very quickly and I couldn’t even do simpler tasks, so I went to the psychiatrist again and he asked me to take sick leave. Every day passes so slowly and I’m afraid I can’t be normal again.

I can relate to this! Its so frustrating when you can't take things in and start doubting yourself. Have you considered any sort of therapy to deal with the depression and anxiety? An anxious brain isn't using the correct parts of the brain. When you're trying to take this stuff in, are you aware of what you're thinking? Is your mind elsewhere? It may be worth looking at meditation/mindfulness, maybe even yoga to focus your mind.

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I vaguely rmb I was doubting myself, asking if this task is too difficult for me, worrying if my depression/anxiety relapsed. I was still able to focus at the beginning and it just got worse as as I spent more time on it. I tried mindfulness but it didn’t quite work (maybe I was too overwhelmed). Now I’m on sick leave and I don’t need to worry about that task anymore, but my poor mental health is really killing me. Being at home now makes me feel like I’m avoiding the problem rather than solving it. I feel terrible and I can’t see a way out…

Can I dig a little bit into your reply about wanting to feel normal again? Does this mean how your feeling is newish? Do you remember if something happened that started you feeling this bad? I can totally understand why mindfulness isn't working for you, anxiety is sometimes just too much. Whilst your on sick, have you been able to get outside in nature, even if it seems a bit cheesy? Last question - have you considered medication to try and take the edge off this?

Sorry, just realised I had mention the task that I got stuck in my original post. It’s the same task that I just mentioned here in the reply. And I saw I said I got depression/anxiety last year but it’s really Jan this year. I think this speaks to how messy my mind is right now 😭

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