How do mothers in advertising do it? I'm not a mom yet, but I'd like to be soon. I work with a ton of dudes whose wives stay at home. What has been helpful for you?

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It was a hard adjustment, but the largest thing that helped me get through the past year of new motherhood was moving my son to a preschool near my office. Tried one near home and never made it on time/left work so early to try to make it one time that I felt the coworker judgement each day. Tried a Nannyshare, but that was just too stressful - needing to make sure the house was stocked/thinking through nanny rules/still trying to get home in time meant I was still leaving work early/giving away my ability to participate in key milestones because of the distance from work. Finally, stumbled on a preschool around the corner from my office and life got easier - was able to drop by during lunch, did not need to leave early to make pick up, can bring him to the office for random "take your kid to work day" events.

Additionally, I stopped giving a shit what people in the office thought about me leaving early/calling out to attend to my family. I know (and they do too) that I am good for the work. Took me time to realize that, but it's been amazing ever since. Also, realized most people in the office are in the same boat.

For travel, I also put up the boundary of no more than two night away.

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My wife and I are both in the industry. She usually takes an earlier train and works 8-4:30. I take kids to school and work 9-5. If one of us is busy and needs to stay late then we help each other accommodate. If both of us are slammed, one of you literally tells your boss you have to leave to get your kids. There's really no debate there. If they have a problem with that then you need to find a new job. Maybe there's a bad stigma in that you can't stay late. But my wife and I try to be accommodating to each other when we know it's a busy time or there's a busy schedule happening.

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Meanwhile here I am stressing about my dog

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Agree with what was said above. I've been in the business 20+ have two kids 13,14. I went freelance when they were little. Bounced back to full time about 5-6 years ago. My husband works from home now. So he keeps an eye on things there. It's all about finding what works for your family. The most important thing is to keep delivering on the work. In my experience if you have great ideas you will do well. It doesn't matter where you are working from. Leave the office and spend time with your kids. Hopefully some of the dudes you work for are good dads and they will be understanding. Lastly check the guilt at the door. Don't feel guilty for working and don't feel guilty for spending time with your family. Something I struggled with my whole career. But now my kids think I have a cool job and I know I'm being a good role model and a good mom. Maybe not perfect everyday. But who is perfect?

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Keep in mind that most of the people able to make this work typically are fairly senior and have a very supportive spouse. If a senior VP or otherwise leaves at 5:30, of course no one is going to say anything. A lower level person doesn't get that luxury. I know we all have to put in our time, but let's not pretend that this is just something that works out.

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A nanny, some good old fashioned boundaries and google docs (aka working from home after putting kiddo to bed, if needed)

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Agree with what has been said. Boundaries are key. Also, as a writer, if there is work that just requires me and a laptop I leave. I do it on the bus or after my son goes to sleep. I don't believe in being at the office just so people see my face. I also went freelance not too long after my son was born. Helps manage my time. Also nannies are expensive so helps to be paid better.

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If you kick ass, people will get over your need to leave "early."

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This thread is #relationshipgoals

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My husband and I both work full-time. He is out the door by 5:30am and is able to pick up the kids around 5pm. I get the kids to school. In emergency situations we help each other out. When we had a nanny there was a fall back, it $$$$. We do have family friends in our neighborhood we can lean on as well. Our old nanny now that the kids are in daycare/school full time helps out when I travel. I set clear boundaries at work and do what I need to do to keep my family afloat and also get the work done and done well. Thank God for the digital age because a lot of what I do can be done over the phone and on my laptop. I try to WFH at least 1 day a week to help keep me balanced and prevent the household from going to shit. I have 3 kids. I'm exhausted all the time, but love the work. I'm happy, my boss is happy and the family is happy as well.

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Much respect for everyone above. I don't have kids - not nearly at that phase of life yet but it's so nice to hear of cooperative/ supportive, working married couples ♥️

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Or a more family friendly group to be in. A lot of us parents work after kids go to bed. In our house. So if something needs to be addressed before morning we can still do it.

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It truly takes a village. What has worked for us is: 1-Being able to juggle office hours and WFH after hours
2-Having a partner with a fairly flexible schedule
3-having some help-family or paid babysitter/nanny
4-as your kids get older, having friends to carpool to after school activities with helps a ton
5-being very honest about your situation with your managers
It is possible, but accept that you cannot do it alone and things begin to look manageable.

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I work. Leave at 5:30. Play with the kid for an hour. Feed her. Bathe her. Put her to bed. Then, the second I close her door, I get back to work. Work until 10:30. Sleep. Wake up and do it again.

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Yeah AS1 that's kind of why I asked. Right now my partner and I are left to pull the night shift while our CD goes home. S/he gives feedback and we have to have it done by the morning. Just makes me wonder how the hell people at my level have a family and work this much. Sounds like I'll have to find a more family friendly place ultimately

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One drops off, one picks up, we alternate weekly

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It sucks and takes both of you working asses off and you'll still feel burnt out a ton. It's also the goddamn best hell ever but, no bullshit, it's tough to have two parents be full on with careers. Our dude is almost two and it has been a mess. The BIGGEST suggestion I could make is to take your expectations of yourself and, as a rule, cut it down by four. For the first year or two I kept thinking I could pull it out like I did before - throw a few midnight hours at a project - then crashing and being miserably unable to do it. This continued until I was like "okay. Assume I can do fucking nothing outside of office and start from there." It is tough. Good luck.

I work full time and my wife is not in a "baby sabbatical" situation (she's a CW). Right now it works but she will get back to work and I know we will have to share; find close-to-work daycare, divide and conquer time for drop-offs and pick-ups. Perhaps the most challenged area will be traveling. I know it will be a pain but it also helps communicate with your supervisors. Mine have been somewhat supportive thankfully but indeed you need to be open about timing expectations internally and with your agency/team.

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