How do my fellow Asian fish balance filial piety with personal wants (and having older parents)? I’m 26M and my dad had me a bit late and is turning 70 soon. Family is based in LA but I’ve wanted to live abroad or in NYC. I’m increasingly feeling like I should stay “close” and so will be moving to SF. All my other Asian friends don’t have parents as old so I feel a bit lost trying to figure it all out.

likefunny
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Who laughed at these posts? These are valid concerns/challenges

likefunny

37F and I moved closer to be near my parents, within 2 hours, in order to spend more time with them. They’re retired and in their 70s. My dad has a lot of health problems so it’s been nice to be able to help out whenever he gets sick. Since I still live 2 hours away, I live a separate life. I contribute financially but what they most enjoy is spending time with me. I think of what people reflectively regret in later years. A lot of people wish they spent more time with their parents. Sometimes it’s frustrating and I get annoyed with them even though I love them. I don’t know if this helps but this is the balance that I’ve found.

likefunny

Literally same except 26F. My parents are still in good health right now so I’m trying to take advantage of this time to be away right now (currently across the country from them). But I’m sure in the next 5-10 years I will likely need to move closer to home.

likehelpfulfunny

i’m 30F and still trying to figure this out. older parents as well.

sometimes i feel like filial piety is a curse.

i try to balance my life by creating space for the things i want - which started when i moved out.

likehelpfulfunny

I can relate - 30F with parents that are 78. I moved back with them during the pandemic so I feel like I’m getting some quality time with them now. Definitely don’t want to put them in a nursing home, but I also have a strong desire to move somewhere far. Good luck!

likefunny

Leave now because when theyre in their 80s, thats when they’ll need you.

likehelpfulfunny

I wish I’d done that tbh

funny

whoever the “consultant” is thats laughing at all these comments, buzz off. no one wants you here. i feel sorry for you.

likefunny

Right? I wish I had their free time to devote to more productive things

likefunny

I live about an hour out from NYC (family is in central NJ) and have wanted to do a stint out west for a while now. Haven’t been able to, due to similar reasons as you.

Want to trade cities? I’ll take of your fam if you take care of mine

funnylike

In this day and age, it’s much easier to be there for your parents when they really need you. It was their choice to have you late (imo - without knowing their medics history) I think it’s fair for you to move where you want. Ultimately, my friend - this is your life and you’re only in your mid twenties for only a certain time before it’s over. Live your life to the fullest and honor your parents where you can. It’s a balancing act - and I hope things work out for you

likefunny

30F and single, and same. I’m not balancing it as I’m clearly still home with them. Parents are early 60s but both have health issues, and for them they’d rather I stay til I’m married, and even then they’d still want me to stay close.

likefunny

This sounds like typical Asian family expectations. Echoing KPMG1, if you’ve never moved out I’d suggest considering it. Friend of a friend had a mom with dementia, the mom lived alone but her daughter visited every couple weeks and lived close by in a different house. The mom had nurses come in to check on her twice a day. Seemed to work for her.

funny

Any advice on dealing with a widowed mother from fellow Asians, especially as I’m starting my career

funny

It’s good you want to be closer.

Remember that parents can always move to where you are too if you truly want to live somewhere different. Some people forget that option.

funny

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