How do y’all handle balancing obligations with your personal wants during the holiday season?
I just want to enjoy the holidays at home, do self care, hobbies, enjoy the firm shutdown, etc. meanwhile SO wants to spend time with his giant extended family in the Midwest. Ugh!

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We live in the west coast, and his family lives in east coast, or Midwest. Long flights for us either way.

We are also traveling to his aunt in CO for thanksgiving. And have already gone to the Midwest this summer for his cousin’s wedding. We also visited both our families for Labor Day in east coast.

I’m tired and need some time for myself! 🤕

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I think you two need to have a frank discussion about holiday and travel expectations. I would absolutely not travel for Christmas after the summer/fall you have described. It is way too much and does not give you time for yourselves and your relationship and that special couple level holiday bonding.

My husband and I are still negotiating all the long term details of this but it is basically agreed that he will come to see my family at least twice a year, and only one visit will be in the “traditional holiday season” (thanksgiving/Christmas).

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Ugh. No advise but I relate SO MUCH! Our most favorite Christmas was one year when we stayed home just the two of us. Every other year we make an 18 hour drive to our home state (we drive for various reasons - price, bringing dogs, length of time, etc.).

Last year I was SO EXCITED that we were finally going to stay home this year…..but he has a niece being born in November. My husband wants to go and meet his niece and spend time with the family.

We have a 1 year old, and I’m really really really dreading the drive and spending all that time with family. It’s never relaxing and will be even worse with a toddler in a new space, not in a child proofed house, etc.

My husband said he “would stay home for me”, but it’s hard because I can tell being with family is very important for him and he really wants to meet his niece. We agree we don’t want to fly with the baby, but arnt sure how to compromise.

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@KPMG your example isn’t stupid nor is it selfish. You’re allowed to engage in hobbies you want to do during the holidays! That’s what my therapist told me.

I am the same, I have a list of hobbies I wanna do: playing the piano, transcribing music, painting, scrapbooking, yoga!

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I told him I feel like I’m going to have a mental health breakdown if I have to spend the holidays with a giant group of people that I don’t know well.
I’m already not doing well mental health wise (he knows and has been very supportive, I also go to therapy). How do I navigate this conversation?

As the partner with giant extended family in the Midwest (but who also has LOVED the years we have done our own thing) to me it’s all about trading off.

Luckily, my in-laws are low key and local, so they got the last year (Covid) of holiday but also spending time with them can be easy - one day, no travel, and we can chill the rest of the time. While visiting my family is a huge undertaking with tons of travel and high energy.

This year, we are taking the week off for thanksgiving for just the two of us and taking a beautiful nature vacation nearby and mostly chilling and decompressing, and we will spend Friday with my in-laws. For Christmas, we are traveling to my family and going to embrace that. Most years we basically go back to my family for one of the two holidays and then spend the other doing our thing with one afternoon spent with my in-laws (who we see a lot anyways).

I will add, we normally do thanksgiving in the Midwest just because it feels better for us - lower pressure, better weather, travel feels a bit less annoying, and like you mentioned getting to enjoy the Christmas/nye slow down of work in a different way by being local. We actually have never spent Christmas with my family since we have been together (five years) so we felt it was time this year but I imagine it will not be frequent.

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