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My husband and I do a proportional split based on our salaries. It’s the most fair way to do it for both parties. Before we had a joint account we’d just use mint or another tracker to calculate shared expenses, spread sheet it and figure out splits.
I’ve also been in a position before where an ex made over 100k more than me and wanted me to split the rent equally. It destroyed my finances when I was young and led to a lot of resentment. I was in so much debt trying to upkeep a certain lifestyle that was not attainable at 21.
Money is only one of the ways you split things. There’s also time (cleaning, organizing, maintaining) and emotional labor (planning, remember, caring).
Yes, splitting 50/50 money wise feels odd when he makes double what you make. But also look at those others areas too. Women tend to also carry to loads in other ways too. Look at the full set, and make sure your SET feels equitable, not even.
I make a lot more than my husband and we have always put in the same percent of our take home pay into our shared account. My 60% (or whatever) of take home pay ends up being a lot more than his 60%, but this feels fair.
I have a friend who also does percentages with her fiancé, which feels the most fair to me. As an example, if you’re budgeting for rent, you each do 30% etc
Rising Star
Before we got married, we split everything 50/50, but agreed early on to live on the amount that would be comfortable for whoever is making the least. If you feel like you’re overextending yourself in terms of spending I would 100% let them know.
I split 40/60 cause he makes a bit more than me. If he made twice as much as me I’d definitely be mad if he only wanted to split things 50/50
I was in the same position but now i make 2x as much. I’m happy we kept it at 50/50 because I’m not too sure I’d be happy paying more for things we share
I also make half as much as my partner and pay half the rent, however we’re not married and we agreed to only move into a place that was maximum 2x what I’m comfortable paying. We also talked about what we’d be willing to pay “more” for. For example, I didn’t find a dishwasher important, but he did and he said he’d be willing to pay the amount of rent “extra” vs a comparable unit without a dishwasher if it put us over our budget. things will be different when we are married, and share finances
Depending on your age, it can feel like a lot of pressure to be “taking care” of your partner. Personally, there was a lot of pressure between my bf and I when we lived together while I was in ad school. he paid a bigger portion of the rent and at 22, it felt like a big responsibility for him. It made us feel weirdly obligated towards each other and led to resentment between us.
also worth noting, my bf covers special occasions costs (eg anniversary and birthday dinners, some recreational travel) and most of our shared household bills (like renter’s insurance and home internet) because it’s easier to have one person handle that stuff and my adhd makes managing different billing dates more difficult
we split quotidian expenses pretty evenly (lunches, coffee, groceries). when he had a car, he let me use it and covered the cost of adding me to the insurance. I paid for gas and parking, which at the time worked out to less
My BF makes about 50% more than me currently but he's in tech so I know his income is going to increase much faster than mine.
We split 50/50 currently. Right now our incomes are so similar that I don't mind. But when he is making double plus I would probably mention a ratioed split.
In terms of people saying to put all money into a big pot. I like having the freedom over my own money, especially as he's a bit more 'free' with his spending than I am. But also I think I wouldn't be completely comfortable unless/ until we're married.
You should only pay a portion (30% for rent etc) of the expenses, so that you’re not struggling after bills are due. Because in the end, the 50/50 split is not equitable and you’re the one who finances will stay stagnant, while your partner’s finances flourish.
I make about 50k more than my husband. I pay more of the rent proportionally, but he generally pays for more groceries. It feels fair.
Question confuses me. Why isn’t just one big pool of money? Why keep score?
Rising Star
Well, my spouse was not good with money. Rich kid, yada yada. I paid my own way for a loooong time and was/am very careful with money.
So one big pool of money would not have worked. I’d have been planning and saving and he’d blow it on shoes or a car. Or just overspent bc he forgot the car payment hadn’t hit yet (true story). So we settled on each contributing a certain amount to the household expenses and that left me to squirrel away what I wanted, pay my loans, buy what I wanted. And he could buy what he wanted out of his remainder. It became quickly clear that I was better at planning and budgeting so once married he let me take the lead on that and would contribute what I asked him to.
Then we bought a condo and started having to pinch pennies a bit. So we kept our separate accounts but would sit down each month and pay bills and make decisions on what our priorities were. We did that for maybe 10 years. Then we decided that I should just do it. So I have all the passwords and I just move the money and pay the bills. Some from his, some from mine. He has a certain amount left in his account to do with what he pleases. If he needs more he tells me and I budget for it.
Sure, we could just put it all together at this point, now that we are not struggling it would be easier to not worry about it and just let the chips fall where they may, but why bother? The accounts are linked and online banking can take from either. But in the early days I liked the independence of having my own money separate.
It works for us.
My husband makes more. He covers rent + utilities and I cover other bills (phone, insurance, etc.). We both put money into savings and our investment accounts.
It’s whatever works for you. We’ve always split 50/50, completely separate bank accounts. When we started our careers he was making almost twice as much as me, but now I’m making about 30% more than he is. Still go 50/50
I make more so I pay more.
My ex boyfriend earned double my salary and he paid a little more in rent but everything else was 50/50
I have always made more and currently make about 75 percent more but we split things 50/50. He pays for the family healthcare. In our married life, I have helped contribute more like offer to pay for dinners, groceries, gas and put tens of thousands of advance payments on our mortgage or paid for nice to haves like trips, flights, hotels. I pay for almost all the kids expenses like clothes, diapers, gifts and babysitting costs.
Pro
We do proportionally… about 70/30 because I’m the breadwinner 💵 I also take on the utilities but everything else is pretty much 50/50 (groceries, dates out, etc). Also not married, and he has more debt so didn’t really make sense to combine
I pay slightly more for rent & groceries. I make 50k more than my boyfriend & I’m picky about updated appliances, love splurging at Trader Joe’s, & push to get take out more. So it only seems fair to me to pay a bit more & I don’t mind it.
Rising Star
We split based on salaries. He pays car, I pay heat, like that kind of thing. It has flipped and flopped over the years as earnings changed. He was in school a bit snd I covered more, then once he was making 2x my salary he covered more.
20 years in, it works. Mostly bc he pays zero attention and trusts me to just do as I see fit with the money.
If you were splitting the space or responsibilities in a way that wasn’t 50/50, yeah I’d probably adjust how you divide up rent. But if it’s an equal partnership, then I don’t think salary can be added into the equation. If they have expensive spending habits, like buying fancy whole food groceries or wanting to eat out a lot, you could try to convince them that those types of expenses should be covered by them since they have the means to splurge a bit more?