How do you all navigate that time of night when you hit a wall because you haven’t been drinking, but you’re friends are staying out? I’ve just been going home. But I’m in my mid 20s, and feel like I’m missing out on some friend bonding time. I suppose the answer is to just bond at different times of the day, and revolve my relationships around non going out environments.

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Get married, have kids, never go out again

likefunny

And then your partner leaves you because you don't have any hobbies or friends other than them...happened to me, with kids. Always need friends in addition to family - I undervalued that - look for those with authenticity that you enjoy whether you're drinking or not

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That sense of FOMO made me feel antsy around night time in my first year or two. Substituted with weekend night meetings.

Eventually I became more at piece with it. I’m year 9 now and honestly, I’ve come to realize big, long social gathering kind of drain me. Not in a bad way though. Just feel really at peace with being by myself, watching a show, relaxing with my fiancé, dog, etc.

Got sober at 24 so I get it.

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I realized that after my friends “hit that point” they didn’t really care if I was still out with them or not. And at some point I switched from FOMO to JOMO, but it took 1.5-2 years before I was comfortable.

PS: JOMO = Joy Of Missing Out. I’ve learned that I don’t need to be everywhere and do everything (and in my case, and do everyone) to be happy. My friends “get more of me” now because I’m lucid and present. Kinda like a “quality over quantity” type of thing.

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Challenge accepted:

The secret is in the first word - “Fear” is all about the future. And “Joy” is all about the present. If I surrender to the present moment and trust that I’m where I’m supposed to be and doing what I’m supposed to be doing, I can release the future and the anxiety that comes with it. And surrender is the first and most essential ingredient of peace, joy, and love.

Related question, what do you tell close friends that are used to seeing you being a big and frequent drinker? I don’t necessarily want to break my anonymity with everyone but feel like it would be weird to just say “I’m not drinking”.

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I know some folks in AA, Al Anon, NA, OA, CoDA, and SLA... like literally the same person is in all of them, or identified as having an addiction corresponding to each. No shame in belonging to more than one group. I gotta do whatever it takes to find recovery, and I’ve learned that while drinking was by far the most destructive force in my life, if I don’t pay attention to my whole being, another addiction will pop up like whack-a-mole. Perfection is impossible, but I can always be striving for progress, balance, and serenity.

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I am at peace staying in, but I also still want to have a good relationship with my friends. If anything to challenge myself to get out of my comfort zone maybe? Re: what do I tell them. I’ve just been saying ‘I’m not drinking’ and when they ask for how long I just say I’m taking it day by day. But would like to stop for the long haul.

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Yeah, a lot of my good friends and family have noticed I’m happier and not as anxious in my daily life. I think they’re concerned I’m not hanging out as much, but I just need to push myself to do more day activities with them I think. But yes, the good people in my life are happy when I let on how unhappy I was and how dependent I was with it

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When I read, “I just need to push myself to do more...”, I think of two things:
1. It doesn’t matter what comes after that phrase, because it’s never healthy

And 2: for me, whenever I catch myself thinking that way, I eventually realize that I’m just trying to People Please again.

People pleasing, perfectionism, and selfishness are basically my core character defects. I need to remember this and then ask my Higher Power to remove them, daily, because they always come back. Character defects are like the universe’s fastest growing weeds, and if I don’t stay in touch with the big spiritual Gardner in the sky, I’ll end up doing something that knocks me off the beam.

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Pre-workout + water mix

Or that for sure. Got really into working. If you want to get give rid of the relentless, hit the weights.

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