How do you balance between being tough and being nice to colleagues? I found being tough can help get things done efficiently if the message is clearly conveyed and, very importantly, being tough can stop those bullies at work by showing them you are not soft. I experienced bullies. However sometimes I also find I might be too tough to push something moving forward without considering the other’s feelings. Do you have this problem? How do you handle the balance?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

I’m a woman. I’m nice and empathetic most of the time but convey to my team I have high expectations of myself and of them. There are times I need to be firm and tough with individuals either on my team, other leaders, etc and I clearly lay out what I need and expect.

Finally, I’ve encountered my fair share of bullies who make the unfortunate mistake of thinking that just bc I’m nice and easy to work with 95% of the time that they can push me around. That mistake happens only once with bullies bc if it happens I put them into the ground…

People treat you how you allow, and if you are always tough on others, you run the risk of accidentally turning into a bully without intending to.

Be kind, be clear, and be firm and tough if the situation calls for it—but if there are bullies who mistake kindness for weakness, make sure they only do it once.

likehelpful

“Put them into ground” sounds so toxic.

Are you a woman? I’m struggling with this too. It’s hard because I’m called aggressive or passive aggressive. It’s like You’re Either a bitch or to soft and need to toughen up!!

like

Yes. I wonder if this is a gender issue as well. Got tagged too much and got this social implication always.

I think there is a difference of being friendly and clearly communicating. You can always be nice and that shouldn’t change the direction of things being accomplished. Effectively communicating, communicating deadlines, needs etc also depend on buy-in from all involved. Being “tough”, in my opinion, (also ex Amazon 😊), shouldn’t be the differentiator.

If you feel like expectations were clearly set and you felt like there was sufficient buy-in, I would move to conversations asking if there was a miscommunication and plans to course correct. Or pointing out an expectation was missed, was there a barrier you encountered?

like

Empathy and kindness are key. You can still harness both these traits without being a pushover.. This way, you stand your ground and get things done while radiating amongst the crowd for your kindness. People will gravitate toward you, in a good way.

likesmart

Absolutely! 💚

like

A little bit of empathy / sympathy. Prior to being the bully to someone who may not speak up is a simple fix

like

I knew a colleague who had to face a bully in his team. Lol funny now he's working on Amazon actually.
This dude's strategy was to get close to boss and then slowly start bitching about his colleague in 1:1s and then to other folks in different to teams. It was just casual joking but he did that everyday

like

I don’t think I will do this. I dislike people who discuss about others in the back, which is also dangerous and not professional.

IMO , there is a fine line between being a bull and clear communication for your expectation.
And if my boss or superior has some unrealistic expectations I will also not hesitate to communicate to them.
Just like you , people working under you and for you also have the right to clearly communicate and push back on you when they don’t Agree with your unrealistic expectation and doesn’t make them a bully.
I would say don’t be BITTER and take your colleagues opinion and include them in deciding goals. Because it down it come down team efforts. They will appreciate you more and love you more.

like

And to add I would say lead from the front, a good leader always keep going when their team gives up. It would be very unfair if you are just giving them expectations and you are not part of delivering that expectation which you just decided for your team and you are not contributing to it

like

Related Posts

Have you ever worked with a nightmare peer and how did you deal with it? There is an admin that I work with that is just a nightmare to deal with. Her boss knows and doesn’t care. He expects everyone to deal with it since she keeps him happy. This woman has made people quit, numerous people cry, has no respect for anyone not working in the c suite, is chummy with the Executives and inserts her opinion in everything.

like

Someone I matched with, is pushing me to meet the next day. I don’t like to meet super soon unless we know each other at least for a week and now she is mad. How do you deal with pushy people?

like

There are some kickass POC in my office who get respect; they’re more senior than me. I feel like people don’t react as well to me, even though I do/say similar types of things. Tips to get respect?

like

I’m currently on a Secondment at a PE firm (100% utilized, 6-9months) and my partner still asks me to help out with BD/sales at EY. I’ve said no several times and now she’s becoming demanding. How should I navigate through this? Still wanna maintain a good relationship with the partner and EY, but been so close of just hanging up the call several times.

like

Senior colleague keeps low-key flirting with me. I have a boyfriend, but I kinda like it.

like

Hey Copywriters, Have you partnered with that guy who’s fun, open and collaborative one day, but then the next day he overthinks every word and the strategy so much you can’t get anything done?

Burberry large society tote as work bag??

like

When put on the spot by the lead in a presentation

Post Photo
likefunnyhelpful

Has anyone received negative feedback after a performance review cycle? I mean everything negative. I feel completely blindsided by my Director. Thinking of setting up a call to refute his feedback. Advice?

Older, successsful FAs: How do you suggest a younger female in the business approach you and talk about joining your team? What areas do advisors like you need help with?

like

How do you give constructive feedback on a team member’s poor English? We’re both non-native speakers working out of different non-English speaking countries, but all deliverables are in English. It’s annoying that almost every sentence they write has errors in it. So, I’d like to provide practical tips, more than just “improve your English”.

like

I made a mistake at work yesterday and my boss was being super mean about it. How do I move past this?

like

It’s my birthday, and I’m genuinely happy to be at work. (Not here for the eye rollers bc I like my team)

likeuplifting

I secretly witnessed a co-worker spit on another co-worker in office. I am in office 5 days a week but stayed back to complete a few tasks before the weekend when I heard some commotion walked by and saw it. Do I report or keep quiet?

likefunny

I’m kind of stuck what to do. The principal at my school is very intimidating, confrontational, and not pleasant to work for. I love teaching but feel like I have to walk on egg shells around him.

likefunny

For those that are home grown (at least 2 levels) into the PPMD level, how has your relationship with juniors that you’ve been close to from the start evolved? Have you had to pull away from them (intentionally or not) or are you just as close? Is the saying “it’s lonely at the top” rung true for you?

like

When interviewing, how do I diplomatically say the reason why I’m leaving my current agency is because it’s toxic af?

like

What should I ask a new potential employer on an interview?

likesmart

Why do people put “Ex- previous company” on their bios? You no longer work there, presumably for a reason, either you didn’t fit the role, or the company didn’t suit you…
I also used to be a toddler, but I don’t feel the need to out that on my bio, and to be fair, if someone wants to see my@previous experience, they can just see my profile 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

likefunnysmart

Has anyone ever received an apology from an ex who mistreated you years later? If so, how did you feel? Has anyone ever been the apologizer themselves? It seems like men realize their faults and miswrongs much later when most likely the person has moved on and I am always curious why.

like

More Posts

Anyone here working in IBM Barclays Project ?
How's this account? Do they give wfh flexibility since offices are opening now.

IBM Accenture Tata Consultancy Infosys Barclays

like

Hi fellow PE fishes, seeking career advice.
Currently in an APAC based LMM/MM PE focusing on tech and had joined the firm straight out of school. I intend on sticking to PE long term, but am curious about my career and financial trajectory in 3 cases.

1) stick to my current firm and eventually make partner

2) go for a Master’s degree and then move to an UMM/MF PE or MBB -> UMM/MF

3) Stay in the current firm and start my own fund with other Associates in the future.

like

Is a System engineer role better than DevOps role?

like
like

Is the principle of “last in, first out” true? Due to accept an offer in Big 4 which is experiencing a lot of demand (and likely will even more so in recession) but concerned about current economic conditions

like

I gave an interview on Thursday, got information from hiring consultant on Friday that I have cleared that and the LTI HR will schedule next interview on Monday.

Since then I haven't got any further call till now (Monday Evening).
Seems the consultant too has no clue.

Is this normal? Should I expect a call soon? I am an immediate joiner (within 15 days)

Is it normal for your director to take the credit for your work? Their are times I receive acknowledgment for my work, but I am finding through conversation my boss is saying “I do this…” when in fact she does not maintain the data/ work. Looking for feedback…

like

Hey fishes. Just got a mail from Deloitte that the lease for my Laptop has expired and I have to visit the nearest Deloitte office to replace it. My base location is in Gurgaon but my nearest office is in Kolkata and currently I am at my home. Can I get it replaced from Kolkata office? And what is the general time frame for replacement. Can I visit after an week or so?

like

What’s the expected comp range at UBS, NYC office, for an executive director position, 22 years of experience?

like

There is opening in genpect noida for my profile ..Any leads please ...

like

Desperate to get married 😂😂😂
#Equality

Post Photo
funnylikehelpful

5% in the US. Putting in my notice tomorrow!

like

I applied for a job at Visa and was contacted the same day. A few days later I had a 30-minute screening interview with the hiring manager. I knew I was very early in the process since the job had only been posted for a few days. It's been 3 weeks and I haven't heard back, even after reaching out to the recruiter. Have I been ghosted or is there still hope? Does anyone at Visa have insights? Looks like there are a ton of jobs posted so maybe they are just backed up?

like

What does bgf mean in positions , they seem to have different levels.What's does each mean?

Hi fishes, My LWD is near by. Kindly suggest me what's the process of smooth exit from Mphasis
I haven't received any communication from HR or management yet.

like

Hi fishes! Can anyone from McKinsey & Company refer me for a role?

I have the job id / uri with me.

Thanks ;)

Dear all,

How's it like working for PwC India as SAP Functional Senior Associate?
I have a 5.3y work ex with ACN, as a FSCM consultant (L10 currently, was assured of a L9 effective March, but declined due to growing poor culture within ACN).
Got an offer from PwC India
Current TC: 9.5 LPA.
PwC Offered TC: 19 LPA.
IBM Offered Fixed: 17 LPA
IBM would be a smooth drive, but skeptical to join PwC given the WLB issues, as a lot of folks say.

Any thoughts, comments would be really helpful!

like

Any reviews about Salesforce role in Intellect Design Arena? How is the work life balance? What are the benefits one get in this company?

like

Additional Posts in Tech

Has anyone ever had two W-2 jobs at two different FAANG companies at the same time? Were there any company policies against it?

like

Urgent help needed. My brother has been looking for a job in IT for almost a year and has had no luck. He’s had a rough past and I think it’s hindering him from being selected to interview. Please, please if anyone can help me with a referral for him it would mean a lot. He has a degree in Computer Science from George Mason.

like

Any entry level business analysts hiring?

like

How much do you think it's ok to have redundancies in product, and how do you handle getting rid of some for the sake of others? Do you phase out? Swap? Keep both for a while?

like

Update: Not sure if you saw my other post, but I've come clean to my girlfriend about my actual salary ($80K vs. the $270k I lied to her about). So, she asked for some time away to think about things, which is totally fair. She was shocked, disgusted, and disappointed. But I think I still have a chance. Anyways, just sharing because so many folks were giving me great advice. I've given her space and I'm heartbroken but I know it's for the best.

likeuplifting

Looking for a referral at Nvidia for PgM roles. Can someone help, please? Thanks.

like

Any Google Tech Program Managers willing to chat? I want to apply for TPM roles at Google and I am seeking a referral and guidance on my profile.

like

Final round interviewing at Zoom

Was surprised the internal recruiter mentioned I’m required to work PST hours regardless of location.

Kind of weird coming from a product that prides itself on empowering remote collaboration.

Anyone have insight into Zoom? Bonus points for Zoom design culture? Zoom

like
like

I hear these two things about Facebook: They are a tier-1 engineering org with only Google as their peers, and they have the worst code quality of any major tech company and it's mostly PHP and is so bad it will make your eyes bleed. It seems like both of these things can't be true at the same time.

likehelpful

If you've worked at multiple FAANG companies, what's your secret?

like