How do you deal with a crazy manager? My manager is the most micro-managing, erratic and emotional person I’ve ever worked under. The gaslighting is unreal. One day I’m told to do one task, the next day they are screaming “that’s not our job!!” I make really good money and the actual work is minimal but every second I’m afraid of getting yelled at and it’s completely irrational. How do you reconcile good money, freedom and this behavior?

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I’ve been under the exact same situation for about 10 months now. The good news is I got an exit offer and I’m leaving the firm soon. Before I received the exit offer, I felt really hopeless and depressed, to a point I started having shortness of breath.

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No job should cause anxiety! I'm glad you found an exit. In the time that you have left, please practice setting boundaries!

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Ask them if calls could be recorded and to write things down when possible only to help ensure that any foggy memories are cleared up going forward.

likesmarthelpful

Exactly what AP1 said above!

Send a recap email with bullet points documenting what was agreed upon or discussed after each interaction. And find a new manager.

likesmart

Sorry to hear! There are so many managers like that. I had the same type for many years and it was taking a toll on my health. I escalated it up as much as I could and partners even admitted that they knew but they didn’t change anything. I left that company 3 years ago. Never looked back.
You can only leave. That’s my take on it.

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You call them out in meetings. Once they know the taste of someone getting back at them they will start behaving. I have tackled a micromanaging, gaslighter by giving arrogant responses yet within professional boundaries in our scrum call.

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My boss does this too- and definitely doesn’t document anything so there is never a paper trail. My boss always leads with emotion and I am trying to leave now after speaking up many times.

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Document everything and then escalate to employee relations, once you do that be ready for a fight where there would be a lot of communication, interviews etc for 2-3 months. Average time taken to solve these types of cases. Or you can look for your exit and leave.

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Like First Republic said, document everything. Send a follow-up email. Try to make it not seem like it is a CYA thing. Make it seem like it is an ensuring you are meeting their needs thing. Additionally, depending on how long you have been there you can look for an internal transfer or leave the company completely. There are other jobs, but if you have been there for less than a year, you might just want to stick it out for a year. If it has been more than a year, get that resume out there.

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Worked for someone exactly like this at EY. The stress was unreal. It’s really hard not to let it bother you and starts to make your question your own self worth. I knew I was good at my job, but getting yelled at like that made me start to question that - and that’s when I realized I had to leave. I considered switching projects, but he wasn’t the only reason I wanted to leave the firm…he just became the motivating factor to finally amp up my job search. I now work for a boutique firm with no toxic upper management and actually make more money than before. Couldn’t be happier.

Good luck with however you choose to proceed, but realize that as long as this person is bringing in revenues for the firm, the firm couldn’t care less about how he or she treats people.

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Much thanks for the advice but this all sounds like a lot of work…

I’m just stunned this kind of person stays employed. I’m the idiot for staying, but is there some trick to not feeling stressed out and let the insanity bother me? Some days it’s just like watching a comedy, wish I could just watch.

There isn’t unfortunately

I quit employment indefinitely and work for myself now. So far it’s been highly effective at remediating the micro-management problem.

You should look elsewhere. Was in the same boat and although I did escalate like others suggested, no remedies are guaranteed.

Aren’t you in Consulting? Can’t you switch projects or wait for current SOW to end then switch?

Document and track everything. But tbh in the long run they are unlikely to change, you will probably need to switch teams or leave the company.

Sadly at my last role I assumed my manager was the issue until I changed teams and it became clear senior leadership was the real problem.

Joined a new company in 2020 for 50% extra comp and couldn’t be happier.

Disagree with advice saying to call them out, email or track everything. Will add fuel to fire and a battle you likely can’t win.

I find that flattery and making your manager think you two are alike work well here. They may still act erratic but your relationship is improved. Also, development strong relationships around you and above you.

Not your problem to solve

Was in the same boat a few year ago. Escalated it to leadership and HR and zilch came out of out it. Eventually rolled off the project for my health sake and have thrived in the firm since then. 1) Document everything - date/time/exact words said 2) call the ethics hotline instead of HR (biggest mistake I made) 3) if you can request to roll off the project for health sake. In my case the person eventually left but leadership knew about it as it was a pattern behavior. If the above option is not feasible, jump ships as no job is worth your health in the long run. Good luck with whatever option you choose.

Simply don’t care and don’t treat it seriously enough to let it bother you. Keep saying I don’t give a crap and do your best…

Not worth the emotional stress. Start looking for other projects immediately as this is a really bad situation. My Mgr does this in their own way but no yelling. If they yelled at me literally countering what they said the day before, Id have to hang up the phone and walk away. Yelling is never acceptable. I agree with the person who said to make friends and placate your Mgr so they believe you're a follower. Never hurts to take this route when other avenues fail. Bottom line: get out.

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