How do you deal with a group of colleagues who’s committed to misunderstanding you? There was old project where I was standing my ground (politely) a dissent, but my manager took offense.. (cont’d)

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Overperform with an overly sunny disposition on your new project and ride it out. Also, have you considered that you in fact *might* have a negative way of delivering communication ?

likehelpful

realize that perception is often reality for folks. sometimes it doesn't matter if you are right or wrong. your approach and defensiveness about it create the perception. work to find positive ways to make your case without being obnoxious.

the phrase 'is this a hill I want to die on' comes to mind.

likesmart

and now word is spreading that I have an “attitude”. This was early this year.

Apparently this has gone around. Even in my current project - there was another instance where I was blamed for a blip I didn’t commit. I was standing my ground mentioning I’m not the one who made that mistake, and again this was not taken well and I was considered defensive (with this person quoting to the ‘reputation’ of me that has gone around from before). I can’t seem to isolate the misunderstanding my old manager had of me.

My CC made a comment on this when he was prepping for the performance call. I told him my side of the story, but he also seems to be committed to the stance that I have an attitude problem, as this is what he heard. He harped on this much more than the fact my current manager actually recommended a promotion for me EOY based on my merit.

Also reached out to a trusted mentor in the company, but he doesn’t really have an answer as to how to address this issue best either.

I’ve done a lot of reflection on this for the past 8 months; I sincerely feel like I was in no way rude or disrespectful, and this is more my superiors being uncomfortable with me holding a position that happen contradict theirs. But that is not an “attitude problem” since I communicated politely, yet unflinching.

Not really sure how to go forward from here, as I feel misunderstood and unappreciated for my merit. Not even given the chance to clear my name to people who are not even directly involved and are just hearing word of mouth.

helpful

Well there is the “you need to get on board” aspect. I was once reminded that I am certainly welcome to voice a differing opinion . . However, once the client and project leadership have made a decision I need to stop debating and get on board, and get to work on making it successful even if I don’t like what the decision is.

Does this apply to your situation ?

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I agree, certainly important to pick your battles - I'd do what you described above, if such were the instance. In my case, I was simply accused for something I didn’t commit, and was shunned for standing up for myself.

Can you share more on what you dissented on and what your role on the team is (eg., analyst, consultant, manager, etc.)? Context matters.

For example, if I mention to team member, “hey, I think the alignment on Slide 7 & 8 is a little off, mind double checking?”, I would expect he or she to double check and reply with a “Thanks for the heads up! Just checked, we’re all good” or a “fixed it!” (if there was something to fix).

If this person replied with a “Why? There’s nothing wrong with the alignment”, “Why? [Insert name of other team member] made the slide, he or she should check.” or any other sort of deflective / non-collaborative reply, I would flag this individual as someone w/an attitude problem (barring extreme circumstances - like if they just learned a family member or friend died, I can imagine they’d be more temperamental).

It’s not always about being right (as we all make mistakes!), but it is always about being a team player, bringing a collaborative attitude, and willing to help out - period.

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the manager is not innocent here but part of being a consultant is understanding how to deliver information in a way that does not offend. this situation happens alot (but more typically with dense clients than leadership). there was a better way to deliver your communication ("client doesn't have data") using different words, tone, and delivery, that would have resulted in a better outcome and a happier manager. part of this job is navigating around personalities, even flawed personalities, successfully while getting people to like you.

smart

Thanks for your replies. Yes I have thought about the possibility long and hard (the past 8 months), that maybe I come across negative or rude. I came to the conclusion that no, this is not the case - I make a point to be cordial, polite and professional. There is no point for me in being defensive, as this is for my own benefit, and I am generally very self-aware.

In the second instance above, I was simply not guilty for the blip that occurred. But instead of taking my word for it, my colleague insisted it was me. Perhaps that was taken as defensiveness when I stood my ground reiterating that, even when I made a point to be calm but firm.

For Accenture, I relocated to Asia from the US, so culture might have something to do with it. I was never given this kind of feedback on my previous companies back in the States.

First you mentioned a significant geographical move. That could be important as you reflection is based on your historical cultural experience; and the new location may interpret things differently.

Second, there are alt was to deal with the example you gave. “ manager... I understand how important this data is to the project. I have tried several times and need some guidance or help working with the client to help think through alternatives or how the coul access. Would you attend this next meeting with me? Or bring the client to a meeting and ask for help.

May I suggest asking them for help and falling on your sword. Explain that you are really trying to do xxx as suggested and as for their suggestions/help. When people want to change people tend to want to help. But don’t try this if it’s not sincere.

Look it doesn’t change the past. But be up front with each new leader. Don’t try and justify the situation. Say I messed up last year and I didn’t react appropriately to the feedback. I really want to learn more and show you I am xxx on this engagement. If you see something contrary to that. Will you be willing to point it out to me quickly?

Now. In Asian culture, this may not work as they don’t tend to confront. But if it can’t get worse it may start a dialogue that gets better

helpful

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