{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "How do you deal with grandparents who are constantly offended by recent parenting/medical advice. I’ve dealt with months of them trying to convince me to just put my baby to sleep on her belly with a blanket to my husband completely shutting them out after they took my now toddler out of the car seat for part of the ride. They are watching her part time and make continuously snide remarks about complying with the rules. Any tips on navigating this?", "post_id": "60f848165abe8700200a4a2e", "reply_count": 15, "vote_count": 2, "bowl_id": "5a0c9a1f61b01a001937c406", "bowl_name": "Working Moms" }

How do you deal with grandparents who are constantly offended by recent parenting/medical advice. I’ve dealt with months of them trying to convince me to just put my baby to sleep on her belly with a blanket to my husband completely shutting them out after they took my now toddler out of the car seat for part of the ride. They are watching her part time and make continuously snide remarks about complying with the rules. Any tips on navigating this?

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Find new sitters, ASAP. They need to respect your (very normal) “rules”. Taking a kiddo out of a car seat?! I’m sorry, but they obviously can’t be trusted. To give you a comparison, my parents sometimes ask why things are done a certain way now but the tone is of trying to understand not judge. The answer is always 1. It’s our decision or 2. We have more information/data/research/whatever now that makes behavior xyz the right choice.

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They are foreign, but car seat laws exist here too (although not always enforced)

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Sorry, you're the parent, full stop. They don't get a say, and if they cannot do what you ask, they shouldn't be babysitting.

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I would pay a professional caregiver. And let the grandparents just be (supervised) grandparents.

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Yep. They wouldn’t watch my child unsupervised. They can come for weekly play dates, but I would not trust them at all. My in laws and I don’t see eye to eye on parenting issues, but they’ve never endangered my child. If they ever didn’t listen to what i said AND endangered her, that would be the end.

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My parents and my husband’s parents have never babysat my kid. Ever. There are some who can and there are some who can’t. Yours cannot. That how you navigate it.

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Acknowledge that they raised X number of kids successfully and appreciate them for it verbally. Then have discussions on why and what has changed. Lay down the law politely that "my kid, my rules". Rinse and repeat till it sinks in. Take the baby away any time you see a rule broken. They love their grandchild and none of this comes from a malicious place. They just need to accept that times have changed.

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I think the broader issue is the boundaries, they are not respecting her and a sit down conversation will probably not be effective. They may be the type that will not respect boundaries, no matter how many times you lay it out. I cannot imagine my parents making snide remarks like this, even if it was over something minor with my kids. Majorly immature, passive aggressive behavior.

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Yeah, sometimes grandparents should just be grandparents and not caregivers. My son’s friend (10 years old) was just in a catastrophic car accident with his grandmother and 8 year old sister. If they weren’t properly restrained with seatbelts/car seats (luckily they were) they’d be dead right now. The boy’s injuries are extensive but he is alive. There is zero debate on that topic for me. I’d show them some of the research on SIDS and some of the videos on the impact of accidents on children who aren’t properly restrained. And then I’d still find another caregiver.

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Nip it in the bud now! The same thing happened to me! We offered to send them to a grandparent's class because even our hospital acknowledged all the changes that have taken place since they raised children and also understand that they wouldn't want to hear it from their own kids. They refused. After a few knock down, drag outs we were no longer communicating with each other. My MIL eventually came around. My FIL hasn't seen the kids in 4 years!

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I could tell you nightmare stories about my MIL, some of which were starving my son, and sleeping and not waking up when he was crying for over an hour. She’s no longer allowed to watch either of my children unsupervised. We barely allow her near him even supervised. She’s shoved food violently into my nieces mouth and holds babies like she’s ready to drop them. Some people are unfit to care for child. Full stop. I know this doesn’t help you now but you aren’t alone.

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Ugh I’m so sorry. Some people shouldn’t be parents. I heard a story recently that my MIL called CPS on her husband creating a fabricated story that resulted in the kids being placed in temp foster care. Imagine that! She wants to take my son alone into the city. Absolutely not!

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