{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "How do you deal with friends who reach out only to get news about your career or school stuff, but take no effort to ask or know you on a personal level? \n\nLike this friend will keep probing about my job change or MBA admissions but legit knows nothing about my life and doesn’t even take the time to ask “how’s your family.” Jeez.", "post_id": "60fc71dfe1b54f002a3cb466", "reply_count": 14, "vote_count": 1, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting" }

How do you deal with friends who reach out only to get news about your career or school stuff, but take no effort to ask or know you on a personal level? Like this friend will keep probing about my job change or MBA admissions but legit knows nothing about my life and doesn’t even take the time to ask “how’s your family.” Jeez.

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Not really a friend then, more of a professional acquaintance.

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But isn’t that better than being fake?

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I prefer it instead of someone buttering me up. I usually do business first then ask the personal questions, just because it makes me feel like I’m not just asking you personal questions so you can help me.

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If that frees up you mental space then do it!

Two close family members passed so I think I’m just raw at this moment, but I’m just sick of people like this.

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I’m sorry for loss, how did it happen?

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I have different expectations of levels, friends and acquaintances. I tend to be open and if people reach out when I’m dealing with difficult personal situations I’ll just lay it out. I’m fine with seeming vulnerable and, at times, giving people the news they didn’t ask for gives them the signal of how I want them to behave. Sometimes you need to train respect, or lower expectations and be comfortable with the category of acquaintance. One time, a particularly tone-deaf guy kept reaching out to ask about his own interests. He was looking for advice on what to buy on a purchase I know more about. I kept giving him the signals of a family emergency and he kept apparently not reading, and kept asking his own stuff. I finally ripped him a new one and sent screenshots of what he was ignoring. He apologized profusely multiple times and has since changed his approach drastically. People make mistakes but it’s hard to forget.

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unless you used to be besties, had a bad falling out, and then they act like this, i dont really see an issue tbh. they are upfront about what they want from you without pretending otherwise. if you don’t want to continue that relationship that’s also valid

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Doesn’t seem like a problem. A friend reaches out and will make conversation. If you don’t want to talk about work, it’s on you to guide the topics of discussion. Who’s reaching out to who? If your friend is reaching out, it’s likely bc they care to know how you are but are asking surface level questions with good intentions.

If they're a professional friend, I don't care at all, rather they get to their point and skip the BS. if they earned my fidelity years ago they still have it today

Having professional relationships that don't get personal is not unusual. It sounds like you have mismatched expectations. Have you attempted to address those expectations?

Nah I disagree with a lot of this - friends try and find different ways to connect with you. Maybe this is the last way that this person sees as being able to personally connect with you since it’s been such a long time

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