How do you divide your time between your kids? My second is an extra needy and demanding, high spirited kid. My first is laidback and easy going. I always feel like the eldest gets the short end of the stick and never gets enough of my attention even tho she’s always been more attached to me than my husband. She never gets one-on-one time with me as it is since her sister (now 2) is still super glued to my side. Any suggestions for juggling this? Or to ease the mom guilt?

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Good for you for giving this some thought, and trying to do the best for your kids. Definitely no need to have mom guilt about this on the daily. Some days one kid will need you more; the next day the other kid might need you more. I wouldn’t stress about attention being exactly equal. Regardless of their personalities, a 2 year old is needy!! Instead, think about what’s a good time for you to have some quality time with your eldest. 20 minutes at bedtime to talk about her day? An hour outing on the weekend while your husband takes on the 2 year old? Point being, your girls aren’t keeping score. They just know you love them and are there for them when they need you. I bet your eldest would love that focused mom time occasionally and it doesn’t need to be exactly equal with her sister.

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Totally get it. I can relate. My girls are 5 and 8 now, and there’s still never enough time to do everything. But you said it yourself- it’s impossible to be with your 2 year old 24/7- nor is that even best for her (she needs time with her dad, friends, independent time, etc too). And I bet your 5 year old doesn’t actually need WAY more time with you. Since it sounds important to you both, carve out the focused time with her. I love bedtime with my 8 year old - just the 2 of us, chatting about whatever. Or find 30 minutes or an hour on the weekend to do something with just her. And it’s a win/win cause then your husband can bond more with the 2 year old and that might help her go to him a bit more in general. Or even just stopping for 10 minutes a day and sitting with her (read a book, play a quick game, ask her about something that happened that day). Try to stop thinking like you need to make a big drastic change when it’s really more just little tweaks here and there!! Good luck!

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I feel this.

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Same

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Sign up for a special class or weekly activity that is just you and your first. Maybe it’s even you two do the grocery shopping or something simple but special for you two.

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Oh abs my husband does the same but after work one day a week - gym and then to a brewery

Single mom with 2 elementary school kids, both neurodivergent. We go through seasons of life when one has more demanding needs, it probably evens out at the but it's easy to still feel crappy about it in the moment when you're observinf yourself.

Its amazing what 5 minutes of 1:1 can do for the other kid. The one kid used to sneak out of his room for snuggles for a few minutes every night. It was annoying af sometimes but that was our special time.

The other kid likes learning about cooking. This kid was thrilled to learn how to use the toaster (tongs with silicone tips.)

Both things help with that feeling of guilt, especially when your window of tolerance is under the floor and need to recharge yourself. This is pressure we're putting on ourselves, you've got this.

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I take my oldest on dates periodically. I block my calendar for lunch and then just show up at daycare and pull her out and we go for lunch and an ice cream for some solo time. Makes her feel special :)

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