Related Posts
Bowl Leader
Bowl Leader
Mentor
Teladoc Health Inc.
I was offered a Part Time Physician Case Manager Position (Remote) in Malaysia on 4th November 2022. I was interviewed by your Medical Director (Dr. Christine Louis) via Microsoft teams platform. The whole onboarding process was handled by a senior HR admin from Shanghai.
Subsequently, I was required to sign a contract and provide financial details and ID for onboarding purposes. I have then given Microsoft office sign-in credentials.
Would like to verify the facts and personnel above. TQ!
What should I wear for a zoom interview?
More Posts
Chief
Pro
Hii.. what will be the timings for AYDE???
Additional Posts in Women In Consulting
Conversation Starter
Pro
You need to be direct. I told my husband that I generally consider the dishes and laundry to be things I “own” and will monitor and deal with when necessary. I asked him to pick the things he will “own” and that’s been working well for us. He now checks and takes out the trash proactively, just needed to be assigned :)
Thanks! I tried assigning him duties but he still won’t do them without being asked. He’s “assigned” trash, sweeping, and dishes after dinner. But the trash won’t get taken out until I complain that it smells or it’s literally overflowing onto the ground and I complain again.
Conversation Starter
This might be a difference in both of your tolerances for what is “clean”. I would start asking him to do specific tasks in a specific timeframe. And if he gets irritated, have him read this article https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288
Ugh hearing these stories make me rethink about marriage 😔 I’m not marrying a child or a puppy, I’m marrying a spouse with presumably similar level of intellect and life experience. Why do I have to directly instruct him what to do and praise him at the right time? I’d love to do only what’s instructed and get praises for it! And household chores arent evenly cut and pre-instructable, a lot of it is very adhoc.
C1, to give you some hope, my husband evenly splits the mental and physical effort of household chores (and I’m being generous to myself here...he probably does more than I do).
His mom raised 4 sons to help her with cooking, cleaning, laundry, while she worked for the local church and their dad delivered mail. The whole family pitched in and there was no such thing as “woman’s work.”
Just don’t settle. Find the guy who doesn’t drive you to the point of insanity because he can’t operate a vacuum. Also don’t get married too young, let them mature first (source: I got married at 23, divorced at 24, then happily remarried at 28...huge huge huge difference between my mindset and theirs).
Men can be awesome at this so don’t let them tell you otherwise.
https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/
This comic changed my whole mindset around this a few years ago. Watching my mom take on the household burden my whole life made me never want to do this (my dad is better now but it has taken decades). sadly, partners don’t always do this automatically, so we have to ask for what we need and establish the good patterns/foundations early!
Pro
Men have to be trained like puppies tbh. Reward them immediately when they do something right and be direct with praise.
I can’t deny this one. Good laugh and good tip!
Pro
Find a life partner that is a responsible, caring adult?
Get a cleaning service! This has made a huge difference in alleviating a lot of the burden/stress. Worth it!
My hubby is the same way- and “project managing” him is another full time job! So him relying on you to ask him to do things is not fair to you either.
GT1-I agree- a messy house is a symptom, not the root cause. But control what you can. Even the best advice on here will not change her man overnight. But hiring a cleaning service will alleviate some headache, mental space, and time to work on those behaviors that could improve instead of compounding it (and nagging/fighting/sounding like a broken record)
I think there are a lot of ways to deal with this. I struggle with it too! My partner and I had a big fight about vacuuming (so silly) last summer and decided we’d put on our calendars to clean our apartment every 2 weeks. We split cleaning duties: I clean the bathroom, he does vacuuming and the kitchen and other rooms. A few days ago, I brought up that I was frustrated I do the laundry every weekend and he doesn’t think about it. So tomorrow we are having a conversation to plan a laundry schedule. He shared with me that he does better on a schedule, so this will work for him.
I know my partner doesn’t proactively think about household chores like I do, which means I end up with the heavier burden, which I’m super sensitive to. I suggest sharing with your partner how you’re feeling and seeing what division of labor works best and what you’ll both feel most comfortable with in terms of being accountable to your “duties”. Good luck, OP! I’m sure he’ll be understanding :)
I am not a big cleaner either but setting a half day that we really do it in a deep way does help. We know every other sat morning we are doing this and knowing that time is set aside where we both are doing that and that alone helps me. If he is a procrastinator on chores (like me) and doesn’t per se value them (like me) this could help. But he has to agree to it, can’t be something you impose on him. Requires his consent and buy in.
One thing I noticed w how you’ve worded all your other attempts is “I did x, I put it on his cal” etc. If he didn’t explicitly agree to that form of task management and sit and discuss the overall strategy w you in cleaning, those things could feel bossy and like something put on him. You guys need to have a big strategy discussion about this and whatever you decide to do regarding project management needs to be something you both explicitly and clearly buy into
I was in the exact situation as you, where I cooked, cleaned dishes and worked long hours as a consultant. While my man works in industry and didn’t think we were as uneven with chores as I thought we were. I tried everything - nagging, calendar reminders, logging hrs I spent doing chores, etc. Nothing changed and this went on for years, we moved out at 25 and now we are 30. NOW THINGS HAVE FINALLY CHANGED. It could be bc we’re older now, but I noticed he started doing way more around the house when we did the love languages test (or Love Nudge App). He found out that I value acts of service the most. Of all the things I did, for some reason him knowing what my love language is, finally got him to do chores just as equally as me 🥰
I’m feeling super grateful for my partner right now who is very helpful. We split things up - I do grocery, laundry, light cleaning, unload dishwasher, admin. All things I don’t hate. But I hate cooking, trash and scrubbing pots and pans so he does that. We hire a cleaning service monthly. If I do need him to do extra, I make him a chore list :)
[continued] Left out until he hears me struggling to put it away myself. You get the picture. I tried making a chore list, which he conveniently forgets to look at. I tried putting cal events/reminders in his phone, which pile up unread. I HATE living in a messy place but don’t want to get in habit of doing ALL the chores in sight. But if I don’t do it, who knows when it’ll get done. I also do the cooking, cleaning bathroom, & grocery shopping. Growing up I hated watching my dad sit on the couch watching football while my mom would sweat cooking for us and cleaning with no time to herself. I don’t what that to be my life down the line.
He takes initiative when it directly benefits him but not for our household.
(Late 20s living together for about a year now)
Rising Star
“I need help with chores around the house, if you don’t feel up to helping, let’s discuss getting a cleaning/laundry service”
I think some people genuinely do not see that things need to get done. My partner is the same- it’s not that he can’t see the clothes it’s he doesn’t connect the dots to think they don’t fold themselves. So he doesn’t mind I ask him in a matter of fact way to do things. If I wait til I’m all pumped up and angry cos I’ve been waiting for him to do things then I end up yelling and we don’t communicate and its a lose lose for everyone. Second the suggestions here- assign him the task and make him own it, or you accept he doesn’t see it and agree a way to communicate with him so you don’t feel like you’re nagging and he feels useful (you still have to bear the mental load but hey baby steps).
“If you don’t do it, it isn’t that it wouldn’t be done, it’s that I do it. How would you feel if I treated you this way?”
omg I'm having the same issues with my boyfriend and it's driving me crazy !!!!
Put the laundry on his bed or hanging over the TV screen... his immaturity calls for being passive aggressive 😬😬😬. Basically put it somewhere where it interferes with him doing whatever activity he wants to be doing.
He moves to another location? Pick up that pile and put it there. If he says "you know you could have just asked me to do it." You say, "what do you think I've been doing for the past year - you act like a child i will treat you like a child."
My personal opinion, you are making it way too easy for him to not do it.
I agree... I'd personally move on if you can't figure out what your partner brings to the relationship!