How do you feel being the breadwinner in your relationship? My SO and I manage money well together (not married, but on that track). I earn about 25k more than he does and I don’t think he feels insecure at all. He works with government, so the promotions and pay grades are pretty set in stone. How do I ensure this doesn’t become an issue later if the pay disparity gets wider or not feel guilty when I buy a luxury item? Am I overthinking bc he’s a man and I’m a woman?

Before my husband and I were married, our finances were separate and we only contributed a percentage to shared things like travel based on our income. Now that we are married, I make double what my husband makes but together we are at 275k. We do not look at our income as hers and his. We get our paychecks into one account and then it's divided based on our savings goal and we each get an allowance that is equal. We are one unit now. I won't advise mixing finances with someone you are not married to.

I would be interested in responses as well. Brought up in a traditional mindset but always thought at least same bracket would be okay. Now I'm with someone who makes half of what I make. He's good with his money but our mindsets around money and interests do differ. I love travel and he doesn't though will tolerate it. There are things where I would expect to pay for myself whereas he might expect his family to cover for him. Those are some of the things that bother me. Not everyone is like him or me.

Sounds like this is your issue not his. Pay gap isn’t a big deal. My husband is military. Of course I make more. We both knew that’d be the case until he retires. His allowance covers are housing. He covers our health insurance. His job also covered our move across country. What I’m getting at is that money doesn’t equate to buying everything. & expensive purchases when you get married you discuss regardless. So either you get past your insecurity or let it wreak havoc on your relationship.

Yes I agree with above; he does not seem to have any insecurities about it so there’s no reason you should. Maybe just have a discussion about your finance philosophy - do you want to function more as having separate money or just one joint account pool? My husband and I make very different salaries but we established early on that we don’t treat it as his or mine but rather as ours.

Yes you are overthinking it. I think it’s more so you that may be feeling insecure. You mention that he doesn’t feel that way which is good. I think it may be a good idea to discuss with him your concerns over pay disparity becoming an issue in the future and get his thoughts which would put your feelings at ease. In terms of buying stuff, again it just comes down to making sure it’s ok. I make double what my partner makes. Typically if I buy a luxury item I will also buy them the same item. Or in the future I will buy them something nice or give them half the money of something they wants. Not all the time but like 1-2x a year. Neither of us are into material things so it’s not that big of an issue for us. We much prefer experiences such as travel and dinners at nice restaurants, and other adventures which we typically go half on. Either way, communication is key here.

Same here- not married, on track. I make 4x what he does. I wanted to move into a nicer apt and he said he could only afford max $xx. So he pays $xx and I pay the rest (larger % of the rent). You are overthinking if he is okay with it and the two of you have no issues and no power struggle. That’s how it is for us. And we have zero arguments about $$. I only expressed to him that we should discuss big purchases. He has wanted a fancy tv for a while, but we just moved and bought furniture, so I said I thought we should wait. He was salty, but agreed. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think it would bother me but I wish it wouldn't. I'm not sure exactly why, but there's just something comforting knowing that your man can support you if needed, financially (even though I wouldn't ask for it and don't need it). Again, not sure where this stems from and I admire you all that feel otherwise. Just being honest.

Also, how do you break up your household expenses with different salaries? We’re considering moving in together.

So.. I am not going lie, the salary gap actually bothers ('bother' is a stronger word that what it actually is) me in my marriage. It is literally the biggest issue/non-issue we have and it is mostly in my head, because he could care less. I make twice his salary and we literally have the same degree. I sometimes have to check my resentment about it because it feels like (in my head) that he would prefer to just take the easy way out. His aunt got him the job 10 years ago and he just stayed... (incredible 401k balance and will get a pension) On the other hand, he doesn't let money dictate his life and loves me out loud and never tries to dim my light. All I am saying is, if you have a problem with it, it is possible you always will, but if there are things that stack up more than money and degrees ever will, you can learn to suppress (also a too strong word, but was the best to get my point across lol) it.