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Everything goes in one pool and then we decide what and how much to spend, save and invest. No my money or your money. It’s always our money, our savings, our investments.
There have been years in our relationship when husband makes more and there have been years where wife makes more.
We also split home chores equitably, because only then it is fair to share bills equally. I say equitably not equally because husband does more house work when wife is pregnant and working and so on depending on scenarios.
Rising Star
I wouldn’t want to split in a way that feels like we are roommates i.e. splitting everything down the middle penny for penny. That would feel too transactional. But I’d like to be partners in terms of finances. If my husband is paying the rent (assuming that’s a big expense) , I’ll buy the groceries, pay the bills, and save/invest for our future.
Rising Star
Male here. Not married so I'm very much an idealist, please take that with a grain of salt.
I think it's really important to have these talks before marriage. There needs to be transparency in understanding how much debt and cash flow is coming into the partnership. Furthermore having a divorced sister, it is IMPERATIVE that both parties have independent/combined bank accounts and achieve financial literacy.
The combined account should be money that pays bills, utilities, mortgage, groceries, etc. Another account would be great for aspirational trips or savings.
In the end, it's all about communication, transparency, education, and flexibility. I just don't want to be THAT couple that Venmo's money back and forth...it's odd.
Agreed. I think couples venmo-ing each other like roommates is such an odd way to go about finances in marriage.
Husband follows religion religiously, and takes care of all the bills, he doesn’t make an exceptional amount of income but he is God-fearing and always remembers this place is temporary so do things right, and I appreciate the sentiment. I take care of my personal expenses
I believe this is the result of many factors including societal shifts, cultural transitions and unstable economy in the past years. Societal shifts let women get educated but then they had to fight to work cause their freedom was always under someone else’s control. Cultural transitions such as adapting to a more North American mindset confused many cause it went against our belief system, and uncertain economic times exacerbated financial abuse where women suffered. So now this became a defence mechanism of many because of the underlying generational vitriol and trauma. It’s going to take time to heal and prolly the next phase would be grasping a true understanding of the concept and coming to terms with gender roles in a pleasant way, because men and women are not created equally. They need to seek equity instead of equality or else it’ll just go against nature. A man cannot give birth and will never experience the process /healing / aftermath of childbirth , a woman is not (usually) physically strong enough. Both genders have diff biology. Both go through very different hormonal changes etc. Men prolly have diff stressors such as finances as mentioned by yourself. One cannot be seeking marriage from a place of contempt and rigidity over finances, it’s not going to work - would you seek friendship in such a way? Then why companionship, honour each other’s rights with a teamwork mindset
Also for some reason I’ve mostly noticed this issue in North America. Its not so prevalent in the UK, Europe, Middle East, and I don’t exactly know the reason for this difference.
Wow I’ll consider coaching as my side gig after participating in this debate 🤣
Rising Star
Split. Doesn’t have to be exactly down the middle though. Her money and my money is our money, none of that my money is mine and his is ours selfishness.
Rising Star
Chill people, I don’t think misogyny is limited to not letting women work. That’s just one example that came to mind. Whatever is wrong is wrong, either gender. Just don’t blame it all on one and act like the other is full of saints.
For now, I make more than my wife. I pay the mortgage, car loan, all the bills. She takes care of all the day to day expenses (groceries, dinners, etc.).
Once she catches up post her residency, we will figure out something more equitable.
But for now purely based on how much we earn
What if F makes more than M? Lol
Rising Star
Same thing. You gotta work out your split like Amazon said. At the end of the day it’s both of your money, whichever stream brings in more is irrelevant.
Also, just a social experiment lol - would you marry (or have married) a woman who doesn’t work and/or doesn’t plan to? Why/why not
Rising Star
Oof. This is such a hard question but a good question. Background: my momma is a stay at home wife and sister is a physician.
Personally, I would appreciate a female to work. Even if it's part time or contract work...do it. Here's the reason why: we don't know what will happen tomorrow and having SOME skill and being able to take care of family is HUGE. Being 100% reliant on a male/female is scary.
A hedge fund manager I shadowed said it best, " everyone can make money in a good market. A good manager loses less in a down market. Always protect your downside, everything else is gravy."