{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "How do you handle financial discussions with a gf that is sensitive about money and gets offended easily? My gf wants to move in with me but I'm not so sure she can live off her salary", "post_id": "5961a3dc766ebb0016d7c47f", "reply_count": 39, "vote_count": 3, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting", "feed_type": "crowd" }
null

How do you handle financial discussions with a gf that is sensitive about money and gets offended easily? My gf wants to move in with me but I'm not so sure she can live off her salary

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

If she's living above her means now, she will continue that behavior once she has access to your cash. She will simply adapt the new lifestyle and spend even more. As others said, sit down and be frank. Help her create a budget to see where her money is going. Then create a scenario that models 3 months - 2 years of living expenses together. Ask her if she could realistically handle 50% of that, and if she could handle the majority if you were to be laid off or switch jobs.

like

OP, equating a 50/50 split with financial independence is a false equivalency. If you're going to go in on an apartment together you will need to find a place where you can reasonably plan for worst case scenarios - basically where one of you can cover all the rent. You will also need to decide how you go on a lease - I HIGHLY recommend both going on as tenants and not letting her sublet with only your name on the lease. Alternatively, if you do a non-50/50 split on a lease doesn't mean there's financial dependence - both parties could easily break off and get places for the same cost they were paying - just with variable quality/location.

And I'm going to go ahead and point out something that seems to have passed people by: she lives with her parents. OP, has she ever had to financially support herself/live on her own? If not, that's something you need to take account of, not only because she may not totally understand financial independence, but also because she may be looking for a quicker way to get out from under her parents roof, and living with you, which is both cheaper and enjoyable for her, seems like a win-win. I guess I would remain wary of that and I would encourage her to live on her own first so you guys can explore your relationship more before committing to cohabitation, which, frankly sounds like something you're not quite willing or ready to dive into. She'll probably need to have a crappy place or get roommates or take out a loan or borrow from parents but it could be worth it for her to see what that's like before coming to you.

like
Recent IconRecent

Do not move in together unless you are committing to marriage - if you can't talk about this it will get worse when you are under the same roof 24/7

like

This would be a good time to practice those communication skills. Help her create a budget. Send her a tool so she can visualize where her dollars will go.

like

Benchmark expectations?! It's a relationship. She wants more, either you do or you do not. Please tell me you're giving her a roadmap of how to get a ring from you....

like

I split the rent proportional to the salary difference. Works well if you do want to live with her.

like

There are no rules however, def don't compromise your values. AND, def have the difficult convo - will only have more of them in relationships as the grow.
That being said, it's helpful to frame as what's important to you, as opposed to what you don't like about her. And let the issue be something you align on, and not something you try to force.

like

If you love her - make it work

like

She currently lives with her parents. I asked her if she can live off that salary when she first had the job offer and she was offended by it. I wasn't trying to be derogatory, just was concerned and I explained that.

like

Break up with her

like

Rule #1: Don't be a d*ck. I can see why she'd be offended with your approach. KPMG1 and EY1 both are way better approaches.

like

When I lived with my gf i paid the rent but she paid for the groceries etc., 50/50 is fine also it should depend on ability to pay and any other factors you want to add

like

How hot is she? How great is she in bed?
Just kidding don't do it. Tell her to kick fucking rocks

like

Ease up ey1. You sound a little emotional for a fishbowl conversation

like

You're welcome K1. I'll also be expecting your gratitude when I take your girl off your hands after you belittle her

like

Money is one of the commonest causes of arguments and strife in a marriage. This is a good opportunity to work out NOW whether you two will be able to discuss this maturely, amicably and constructively.

If you can't, that doesn't necessarily mean you shouldn't marry - but if you choose to continue on that path, you at least have your eyes open that money will be a regular topic of conflict between you.

like

OP. Have the financial discussion with her. Tell her exactly what you said here, that you're not willing to be financially responsible for someone. But there's another aspect to it, which is, do you see the relationship lasting long term? If so, there's gonna be some give and take, and you'll need to be flexible to make it happen..

like

Is it unreasonable to only accept a 50/50 split for rent? I don't want to be financially responsible for someone.

like

Sorry OP. I'm deeply concerned that once you break the news to your gf she can't move in she's going to come stay with me. Just wanted to be considerate of your feelings.

like

Based on the way you respond in this thread, I can see why she might have been offended. You seem like you are only looking to hear the answer you want to hear. Let's see if you can hear this: Yes, it is unreasonable to "ONLY accept" a 50/50 rent split. If you don't WANT to make it work (i.e. live together), then just don't move in together.

like

Thanks guys. Like some of you pointed out, if I were ever laid off, it would be nice if she could support us for awhile. I see layoffs as an inevitable part of life so it is concerning to me. If she can't handle a 50/50 split then they could be a very real problem. It's just a very delicate topic and I have to go about this the right way. We both need to know what we can afford understand the risks, and how we can make it work while not putting too much weight on someone else. I think we both need to be able to be financially independent so there is no financial dependency. It seems people have mixed feelings about that in this thread though, but I think that's a realistic expectation. I don't see how it isn't

like

Related Posts

Anyone know range for T&O Management Consultant salary are Accenture? West Coast.

like

How much tax is deducted on 1lakh joining bonus?

like

Mercer lead analyst salary slab for Automation QA? Anybody has idea ?

like

What is the salary range for senior associates (specifically S2) in Texas for FDD at KPMG? May need to transfer offices and would be coming from HCOL. Thanks!!

like

Is it worth negotiating a $2k annual salary increase? Given that opportunity for salary increase is high in the next few years

likefunny

What are some good resources to use to negotiate a higher salary especially if you received an offer? Bonuses too?

likehelpful

Commercial Deloitte Human Capital Practice salary at consultant level?

like

Happiest Minds 20 lpa fixed and 50k joining bonus
Wipro 17 lpa fixed 2 variable

Please help me choose guys!

like

Hi Fishes,

I have below offers from Accenture and Wipro.

Accenture:
Role:Cloud migration and imp Analyst
Job Level: 11
CTC: 6 fixed + 1.26 Variable =7.26 Total
Also 60k joining bonus.

Wipro:
Designation: Administrator
Band : B2
CTC: 7.40 Fixed + 0.6 Variable =8 total

Total YOE: 2+ years (26 months)

Can someone please suggest me if i can still negotiate with Accenture for more CTC. If yes how much i should ask.

Also tell me its better to join which company on the basis of career and growth.

like

Additional Posts

Happy Monday 🐠 🐟 🎣

Post Photo
likefunny

Anyone know range for T&O Management Consultant salary are Accenture? West Coast.

like

Why do some people expect others to be as interested in their kid as they are? Do I really want to spend a half hour of my crazy day to watch your (ppd's) kid sing twinkle twinkle over zoom? Hard no.

likefunny

Ok, taking a conference call in the restrooms is borderline to start with, but in a stall on speaker phone at max volume!?!? WTF? No, just NO!

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Download Fishbowl to see what others are saying
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal