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Iâm a mom. My son could never love me too much đ„°
If he is disrespecting you in any way though itâs a problem.
More details posted. Please lmk if Iâm overreacting. I just feel like his life kind of revolves around his mom, and he doesnât really plan anything around our relationship, despite being together for years...
Rising Star
He's made it pretty clear that you're not a priority for him. If you're okay with that, then go ahead with the relationship. If not, then end it.
This made me think of Peter from the Bachelor and his mum Barb đ You don't want that.
Pro
Full disclosure, I'm not a mom. But if my SO was like that, I'd be confused and not too happy, especially the way he ends calls to talk to his mom and if you guys at all discussed any future plans of living together, moving back there to be closer to his mom without your input.
Rising Star
Iâm a mom of sons - and while I adore my boys and have a very close relationship with them, this sounds unusual. If you marry him, he will need to become a âunitâ with you - even if that means going against the wishes of his mother. If he cannot do that, I predict there will be strife.
Pro
Mmm examples.
Chief
PS - itâs not that he loves his mom too much, itâs more that he doesnât love you enough, maybe
Heâs Caucasian. White South African mother.
Pro
Madi Prewett, is that you?
Chief
Iâm a mom of two boys and this is odd.
Also, is his mum a single mum and is he an only child? If so, it may explain the extreme closeness?
Rising Star
OP - it appears that you have your answer. Heâs up front about it, so you can either accept it or move on. Donât expect him to change
OP I can relate. Is his mother emotionally dependent on her son (your bf)? If so look up emotional incest. Does your bf acknowledge the relationship he has with his mother? You should be his first priority. If he doesnât put you first you shouldnât feel bad putting yourself first and leaving the relationship.
Well Iâve been very reluctant to let him meet my parents (very conservative family/will expect to set wedding date if I introduce a guy). I donât think he understands this, because this has been a source of contention with us. His stance is that he wonât introduce me to his parents unless I introduce him to mine.
Objectively I think you need more information. These all could be signs that just suggests he loves his mom a lot. But if he lets her run his life, that would be a sure shot sign that you wonât have a great relationship. Emotional attachment or strong dependence on her to make decisions are bad signs. If youâve seen something like that, itâs not a good sign.
Okay so...
1) We live in different cities, and see each other bi-weekly. A lot of our conversations occur over the phone. When his mom calls, he will immediately end our conversation to take her call. He talks to his mom every day. We talk maybe every 3-4 days.
2) He has pictures of his mom on his wall. He doesnât want to put up one of me, despite the fact that he asked for a picture for that purpose (and then changed his mind). Weâve been together nearly 4 years.
3) He plans to move back to the same region of the country to be closer with his mom in the next couple years. I have emphasized that I wouldnât move there, as there are much less career options for me in that area.
Next...
I think the whole moving away thing is a red flag, the other ones maybe not. Either heâs too attached to your mom or he doesnât take your relationship seriously. I might be making the wrong assumptions but.. If he moves away, and he knows you wonât follow, then I donât think heâs thinking of your relationship longterm.
Conversation Starter
Although this would likely never happen, for things like this I always I wish you could show your SO this thread, so he could see your honest concerns and other peopleâs reactions/advice
Conversation Starter
Haha I wouldnât. That gives the impression that you were talking behind his back
Rising Star
Well ... his mother has been dead for 15 years, but it sounds like my guy had the right amount of respect/love for his mom without being overly attached
Rising Star
If lines are blurred and mom has say in how he makes decisions.. its toxic.. run!