How do you know if your boyfriend loves his mom, versus loves his mom too much?

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I’m a mom. My son could never love me too much đŸ„°

If he is disrespecting you in any way though it’s a problem.

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More details posted. Please lmk if I’m overreacting. I just feel like his life kind of revolves around his mom, and he doesn’t really plan anything around our relationship, despite being together for years...

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He's made it pretty clear that you're not a priority for him. If you're okay with that, then go ahead with the relationship. If not, then end it.

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This made me think of Peter from the Bachelor and his mum Barb 🙃 You don't want that.

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Full disclosure, I'm not a mom. But if my SO was like that, I'd be confused and not too happy, especially the way he ends calls to talk to his mom and if you guys at all discussed any future plans of living together, moving back there to be closer to his mom without your input.

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I’m a mom of sons - and while I adore my boys and have a very close relationship with them, this sounds unusual. If you marry him, he will need to become a “unit” with you - even if that means going against the wishes of his mother. If he cannot do that, I predict there will be strife.

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Mmm examples.

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PS - it’s not that he loves his mom too much, it’s more that he doesn’t love you enough, maybe

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He’s Caucasian. White South African mother.

Madi Prewett, is that you?

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I’m a mom of two boys and this is odd.

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Also, is his mum a single mum and is he an only child? If so, it may explain the extreme closeness?

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OP - it appears that you have your answer. He’s up front about it, so you can either accept it or move on. Don’t expect him to change

OP I can relate. Is his mother emotionally dependent on her son (your bf)? If so look up emotional incest. Does your bf acknowledge the relationship he has with his mother? You should be his first priority. If he doesn’t put you first you shouldn’t feel bad putting yourself first and leaving the relationship.

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Well I’ve been very reluctant to let him meet my parents (very conservative family/will expect to set wedding date if I introduce a guy). I don’t think he understands this, because this has been a source of contention with us. His stance is that he won’t introduce me to his parents unless I introduce him to mine.

Objectively I think you need more information. These all could be signs that just suggests he loves his mom a lot. But if he lets her run his life, that would be a sure shot sign that you won’t have a great relationship. Emotional attachment or strong dependence on her to make decisions are bad signs. If you’ve seen something like that, it’s not a good sign.

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Okay so...
1) We live in different cities, and see each other bi-weekly. A lot of our conversations occur over the phone. When his mom calls, he will immediately end our conversation to take her call. He talks to his mom every day. We talk maybe every 3-4 days.
2) He has pictures of his mom on his wall. He doesn’t want to put up one of me, despite the fact that he asked for a picture for that purpose (and then changed his mind). We’ve been together nearly 4 years.
3) He plans to move back to the same region of the country to be closer with his mom in the next couple years. I have emphasized that I wouldn’t move there, as there are much less career options for me in that area.

Next...

I think the whole moving away thing is a red flag, the other ones maybe not. Either he’s too attached to your mom or he doesn’t take your relationship seriously. I might be making the wrong assumptions but.. If he moves away, and he knows you won’t follow, then I don’t think he’s thinking of your relationship longterm.

Although this would likely never happen, for things like this I always I wish you could show your SO this thread, so he could see your honest concerns and other people’s reactions/advice

Haha I wouldn’t. That gives the impression that you were talking behind his back

Well ... his mother has been dead for 15 years, but it sounds like my guy had the right amount of respect/love for his mom without being overly attached

If lines are blurred and mom has say in how he makes decisions.. its toxic.. run!

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