{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "How do you respond to all the negativity of childless people?\nI get that they are not the norm and trying to defend their decisions, but I get so sick of hearing how “amazing” the personal and financial freedoms are and the good life I give up by having kids. I already feel like I took a hit to my personal career goals and this is the icing on the resentment cake.\n\nI wonder how fulfilling bar hopping is 20 years deep", "post_id": "628274da418e72002c1a7fc4", "reply_count": 87, "vote_count": 9, "bowl_id": "58f81646ae9f610010f869be", "bowl_name": "Consulting Moms", "feed_type": "bowl" }
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How do you respond to all the negativity of childless people?
I get that they are not the norm and trying to defend their decisions, but I get so sick of hearing how “amazing” the personal and financial freedoms are and the good life I give up by having kids. I already feel like I took a hit to my personal career goals and this is the icing on the resentment cake.

I wonder how fulfilling bar hopping is 20 years deep

likesmart
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With all due respect to everyone especially to those who are TTC but can’t, it is sooooo rewarding for me to have my family. I don’t care that it came with a hit to my “personal and financial freedom”. My family brings a kind of joy I cannot quantify and in my view, far exceeds that I will get from bar hopping.

On rainy days, I can hop in bed with my family and watch a movie or on days when I’m sad, I have built in cheerleaders. I have people to celebrate with, travel with … heck, even fight with. 🙂

This morning my son wanted me to sit with him on his bedroom floor and cuddle him. I did that and then we got ready for school. #unbeatable

You know what? I’ll stop there. If anything (and again with all due respect), I feel more fulfilled than they are. So, when I meet “childless people” it’s not even a competition. I’m in my lane, they’re in theirs. I don’t entertain the idea of crossing over and making me feel less than because its freaking awesome in my lane! 🙂

likehelpful

You guys are truly nuts! What’s missing in your life that you must go through my words with a fine-tooth comb? What is going on in your life that is preventing you from seeing my message as me simply in my lane and not competing with anyone else or putting anyone else down .. just expressing my own happiness? Causing a reader to read and reread my message to see your silly interpretation.

This is nuts! Wow! Isn’t this how this post began? The negative Nellys of the world! Geez! I feel sorry for you. Yep, you can read this message as saying I truly feel sorry for you.

Don’t bother responding. I won’t read it. You aren’t worth the head space.

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Have you considered that these childless people may be insecure…and feel as if they are discriminated against? The world social networks are generally skewed to favor/be set up for married couples with children. I was a single no child partner til earky 40s. You may not realize it but the world feels stacked against you and some feel they need to celebrate-overexplain the benefits of a child free life. Travel, cashmere, dinners etc. my guess is most people who make a point to trumpet the benefits of their child free life style to try to be “seen” as having a real/legit/full life since they don’t have what “society” dictates is the norm…children

I’m not saying that trumpeting it is right. But I do see how isolated/disregarded/less valuable society often perceives the child free to be.

Also. They may want children and not be comfortable to admit it. I never was comfortable really admitting how sad I was to not have a husband or child. Always afraid it sounded sad/pathetic. I never felt I was someone who “bragged” about my lifestyle….but there was a lot of impromptu very cool trips/concerts/jewelry etc. that even mentioning could sound like bragging to someone who spent weekend between 5 soccer fields…and is so far away from the fear of being childless…that they hear a “glamour” without the other downsides.

I was lucky to have a baby and move over to the parent/child side of the world…and frankly I enjoy it way more….but I’m conscious of the tension between the two worlds…and how uncomfortable it can be to on the “opposite” side of societal norms.

likesmart

EY2 - The US chair of EY likely has full time support like a live in nanny and grandparents nearby. Kim Kardashian has 3 nannies. Please don't equate regular middle class working moms with those of a different financial class.
What working parents need is support and sustainable working hours. Not examples of those who made it work magically while covering up the support they had to make it actually possible.

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Probably the same way they deal with people telling them that they’ll never know love and live a meaningless life if they don’t have children. There’s no winning either way. If you are truly happy with your choices, focus on that.

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👏 👏 👏 everybody’s doing their own thing

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Who is saying this stuff to you? That’s so weird. I feel like I’d just reply with a non-committal, “yep, I guess everyone prioritizes differently” because that’s the honest answer.

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These folks sound a little insecure and like they have to brag about the benefits of their lifestyle to parents as a way to compensate.

It's one say to talk about an amazing vacation or their new super rad car and its entirely another to attribute those things to being child free and "oh my life is so much better than yours because I never had kids." They sound terrible, honestly. I would ignore them.

Ok. Reading all of these messages…which are honestly so negative towards the childless…is so disappointing. What have these women done to you to engender such hatred? Do you really think a childless person talks about their “fabulous” life more than you gush about your kid? I’ve been both….and I have a view. I always felt in the outside looking in in so many situations when I didn’t have a child. And this whole thread is such a window into that world. Why can’t we all make choices and see the pros and cons of our lives as just that. Our pros and cons. Ans not as if someone is somehow offensive because they have a different life ( which remember they may or may not really want…)

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OP if people said that to me I’d be happy that they’re happy and grateful for their lives.

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Honestly ignore it.. I just had a miscarriage and I want kids. And am tired of people giving me happy go lucky vibes of hey it’s okay enjoy your life until one comes out. Everyone has their own perspective. And unfortunately some people can be more aggressive than others in voicing their OPINIONS! You don’t owe them any explanation.. as long as you are happy and doing what you need to do, that’s all that matters. I know it’s harder said than done, but try :)

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Yes doing better.. we are gonna start trying again so excited and nervous about that 🥹

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I don’t know about your friends that are saying these things, but I know that the childless friends I have that are the most negative are coming from a place of deep pain. One has struggled with infertility for years and the other has a rare genetic disorder that makes having biological kids not possible. I try to just offer them compassion and understanding and let them say what they want. Could some of your friends that are negative be coming from a place of pain?

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To each their own. I bet these people don’t even realize they are throwing shade and are really just saying this out loud to be able to reaffirm their own personal decisions. I’m a mom of 3 girls - 7, 5, 9 month old.

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Honestly it doesn’t bother me. I yearned to have kids and finally had them at 35. I had plenty of time to do what I wanted until then and it didn’t feel so great just blowing up money on stuff. So I don’t feel jealous because I had my chance and didn’t enjoy it. I wanted a family and have it. It’s not always easy being a parent and yes I’d like a 10 hour nap 😄 but hey, at least I don’t have to try online dating anymore - which is hell. So to each their own.

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I’d be snarky. You could say something like you can thank me later that social security is funded for you (honestly who knows on that one though) or its a good for you that one of my kids is interested in geriatric and dementia care. Then say toodaloo MF

likefunny

Let’s be friends

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They will never know love like we have known OP. The kisses and cuddles of your first born at 7 months old... 😍 nothing in the known universe can compare. Never has, never will. Let them have a resort vacation in Cabo. We will have the cuddles (& Cabo in a few years).

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Childfree people deserve their nights and weekends just like I do. What I see a lot is parents expecting everyone else to pick up where they left off instead of, to your point, fighting for wlb for all regardless of their age and family status.

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I feel like they are jealous of our lives as we are of theirs sometimes. I mean… It’s a MASSIVE decision that impacts their whole lives. Will they miss not having grandchildren? Who will be at their funeral? Will they ultimately regret it? I always take their response as them needing to justify to themselves more than me.

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What do you mean who will be at their funeral? I’m truly convinced y’all don’t have any family or friends at all.

likefunny

I was in an extremely youth focused corporate environment, and would see some of what you’re speaking on, I’m sorry it SUCKS.
TBH in my heart I believe those statements are rooted in envy. Think about it, how are we usually feeling when we’re loud about how awesome our life is?❤️

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I’m in favor of being more open: “your comment came across a bit rude. I’m happy with my choices just as I’m sure you are.”

I think a lot of times (thinking of myself, pre-kids) some people may have no awareness that their comments of your life are hurtful or rude. Call them out gently.

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Hugs. I understand completely. The childless people you are referring to are in a different phase of their life. They do not have the perspective like we do as parents. We are completely different people now. They are not your cohort anymore. What made it easier for me was to look up to seasoned parents at my workplace. They share their parenting experiences and how they navigated around their careers. I received more wisdom, empathy and understanding from them more than the "childless cohort." It gets easier as you transition from "childless" identity to the "parenting with career" identity. Hugs.

likesmart

Everyone should make choices that make them happy and if you are happy with what you have chosen, why do you care what anyone else thinks!
We all wear tinted glasses and see the world in those colours, are they being negative or is the negativity inside you!?

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This

Stop listening to them. It’s just a personal choice. It’s not so hard to understand. With or without kids… both lifestyles has its pros and cons.

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Depending on how direct they are in clearly being critical, I might get snarky right back with exactly what you just said (“I wonder how fulfilling bar hopping will be for you in another decade”). Won’t be productive but hey if they are being jerks….

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I think that negativity comes from every which way…I’m pregnant w my third and the number of people that throw shade while saying they are done at 2 is astounding. I am sure same goes for people that decide to only have 1 child. Probably no help here, but I just do my best to ignore it and focus on all the good that comes from my life choices.

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OP you sound miserable. At the end of the day you had a choice to have children or not, and there are those for whom that choice has been taken away from them by genetics, cancer, other health reasons. Feel fortunate that you had the choice. There are many people with children who judge those who don’t and vice versa. Everyone will always be nasty to each other (unfortunately) but at the end of the day you had the choice to shape your life how you wanted it.

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OP you’re making yourself a victim where victimhood doesn’t exist. At the end of the day, society rewards both women and men for being parents. Are these people being jerks to you? Yes absolutely. But you have more power and societal respect, so can you just feel comfortable with the knowledge that you’ve “won” life in every way? Everything is moving towards normalizing being a parent on the workplace and it’s great. I just come from the perspective of having deep empathy for those who don’t have that option readily available to them, a lot of times due to medical or genetic issues they didn’t cause.

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