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It's me, you conscience
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It's me, you conscience
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With all due respect to everyone especially to those who are TTC but can’t, it is sooooo rewarding for me to have my family. I don’t care that it came with a hit to my “personal and financial freedom”. My family brings a kind of joy I cannot quantify and in my view, far exceeds that I will get from bar hopping.
On rainy days, I can hop in bed with my family and watch a movie or on days when I’m sad, I have built in cheerleaders. I have people to celebrate with, travel with … heck, even fight with. 🙂
This morning my son wanted me to sit with him on his bedroom floor and cuddle him. I did that and then we got ready for school. #unbeatable
You know what? I’ll stop there. If anything (and again with all due respect), I feel more fulfilled than they are. So, when I meet “childless people” it’s not even a competition. I’m in my lane, they’re in theirs. I don’t entertain the idea of crossing over and making me feel less than because its freaking awesome in my lane! 🙂
You guys are truly nuts! What’s missing in your life that you must go through my words with a fine-tooth comb? What is going on in your life that is preventing you from seeing my message as me simply in my lane and not competing with anyone else or putting anyone else down .. just expressing my own happiness? Causing a reader to read and reread my message to see your silly interpretation.
This is nuts! Wow! Isn’t this how this post began? The negative Nellys of the world! Geez! I feel sorry for you. Yep, you can read this message as saying I truly feel sorry for you.
Don’t bother responding. I won’t read it. You aren’t worth the head space.
Have you considered that these childless people may be insecure…and feel as if they are discriminated against? The world social networks are generally skewed to favor/be set up for married couples with children. I was a single no child partner til earky 40s. You may not realize it but the world feels stacked against you and some feel they need to celebrate-overexplain the benefits of a child free life. Travel, cashmere, dinners etc. my guess is most people who make a point to trumpet the benefits of their child free life style to try to be “seen” as having a real/legit/full life since they don’t have what “society” dictates is the norm…children
I’m not saying that trumpeting it is right. But I do see how isolated/disregarded/less valuable society often perceives the child free to be.
Also. They may want children and not be comfortable to admit it. I never was comfortable really admitting how sad I was to not have a husband or child. Always afraid it sounded sad/pathetic. I never felt I was someone who “bragged” about my lifestyle….but there was a lot of impromptu very cool trips/concerts/jewelry etc. that even mentioning could sound like bragging to someone who spent weekend between 5 soccer fields…and is so far away from the fear of being childless…that they hear a “glamour” without the other downsides.
I was lucky to have a baby and move over to the parent/child side of the world…and frankly I enjoy it way more….but I’m conscious of the tension between the two worlds…and how uncomfortable it can be to on the “opposite” side of societal norms.
Rising Star
EY2 - The US chair of EY likely has full time support like a live in nanny and grandparents nearby. Kim Kardashian has 3 nannies. Please don't equate regular middle class working moms with those of a different financial class.
What working parents need is support and sustainable working hours. Not examples of those who made it work magically while covering up the support they had to make it actually possible.
Most of the time the ones who are the most adamant about childfree life being sooooo much better don’t have the actual lifestyle to match…
It makes me sad too, but I remind myself that both directions of vitriol are just the result of misogyny that tells women they're wrong no matter what they do. Childfree women are shamed and pressured, and mothers are shamed and devalued, but the common thread is that society is just really crap at valuing women for themselves.
So when I get that smug/aggressive/child-hating attitude from women, I remind myself that it's coming from a place of resentment for the same social pressure we face that tells us we don't have identities outside of our children, that pushes mothers to lose their individuality, and simultaneously says that women are worthless unless they have kids and worthless when we do.
We're on the same side, which is that women are awesome and valuable and needed no matter what route we take, and both are valuable and "natural" and fulfilling.
So I try to break the cycle by letting go of my defensiveness and showing empathy for the crap that childfree women have to deal with and see if I can defuse their negativity in the process
I am 34 and for quarter of my life I have been dealing with negativity of my friends inlaws, colleagues who bombarded on me " sole purpose of the woman's life is to have a child" . .. i was an ambitious women who worked hard for my career because I met non committal boyfriends in my earlier life. If I had met someone serious I could have also had a child and get all the reserved benefits that pregnant women claim. Believe it or not , all the benefits in the society are biased towards child bearing women and not childless. So stop cribbing and posting your vanity children's day selfie. So recently I called my ex and he mocked on my career progress saying I will be childless if I don't hop on this marriage, children kind of biological clock race...
Sorry you go through that. I am also an ambitious career oriented woman, my husband is happy supporting that.
But I don’t like these people either. I personally believe there are an equal number of Pros to living a childless life as there are to having children. I found many who makes such negative comments can do so because they won’t be the one making sacrifices to raise the child
I always feel, when someone speaks too much about their life it comes from a deep place of insecurity. The best response is not to indulge. I sometimes excuse myself and walk away.
Unmarried vs married, consulting vs non consulting, tech vs non tech, 1 child vs many children vs only girls vs only boys vs one each vs no child - all have pros and cons, you advertise unnecessarily only if you're insecure