How do you respond to someone whose response to the recent rise in anti AAPI hate/rhetoric is “I don’t know anyone who dislikes Asians”, “everyone is racist”, “racism isn’t evil, it’s ignorance and biology” in a way that’s neutral and educational?

I’m at the point where I don’t really care to engage but also don’t want to remain silent.

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I would acknowledge that biases and schemas/heuristics are rooted in biology and that everyone has evolved them to aid in decision making. But that many biases are rooted in problematic sociaI structures and false beliefs, which perpetuate problematic social structures. The effects of biases can be harmful and its our responsibility to examine where they come from and how they affect different populations disproportionately.

I would also discuss in-group v out-group identity and would argue that while that may have been helpful to our ancestors growing up in small communities, it is now less helpful in our new globalized economy.

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Is it a friend or colleague?

With friends, I found an honest conversation of how I feel and how I have been affected by the anti-Asian hate/rhetoric with links to incidents that have occurred in NYC in the past month + list of the big ones in the past year helped. I am also comfortable telling friends that I am disappointed that they cannot try to understand my feelings as a young professional who seriously thinks it is no longer safe to go on subways alone at night in NYC and wonders in an all white restaurant is anyone is judging me for being Asian and how lonely that makes me feel. Usually, this personalized verbal vomit 😅 is enough for the friend to understand this is a big deal for me and they start researching it more on their own.

If it is a colleague, I do a much more sanitized version where I say that recent events have affected me personally as I no longer feel as welcome in NYC. I then make it “safer” for them by saying the “world seems to be going crazy” and “I am exhausted” as a result. Usually, they can agree to my second sentiment and it helps them acknowledge that I am feeling/going thru my first sentiment.

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He’s a contrarian, always argued with people in law school. Neither friend nor colleague. I keep him on my friends list to expose him to other viewpoints but he had a debate going on with another old law school mate and basically said Asians are playing the victim card and are the furthest thing from victims. He refused to acknowledge the experiences of others, citing anecdotal evidence that white people also experience discrimination (ie, I live in a bad neighborhood and experience fear due to my skin color).

I didn’t want to engage due to his reputation of being a contrarian but also felt like I needed to say something. I basically just told him that his refusal to accept the fact that people of color have different experiences highlights his privilege; that just because he doesn’t see racism or microaggression in action doesn’t mean it’s not happening; and that we are all human beings, but that we ARE different and minorities generally believe these differences should be celebrated rather than used to shame or alienate us.

Big thank you to all who responded!

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UPDATE he resorted to ad hominem attacks. So he’s a lost cause.

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