The Power of Personality Workshop

How do you tell someone their personality is annoying but in a productive way?

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You go to their manager after a particularly bad interaction under the guise of a “learning experience.” It’s better for a manager to deliver the feedback and proactive solutions than a lateral colleague

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I'd be specific as possible with them if you're above then. Hey, you may not mean it this way when you say X but it comes off a different way. Maybe give an example of a similar occasion for you or a friend.

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I find a lot of people have this growing entitlement because they're being told to "stay true to their authentic voice" and sometimes that authenticity comes off as just rude and frankly, unproductive. Bringing everyone's energy down and impacting how a team feels. A bit of humility is always good. And adapting to the environment you're in is crucial if you want to succeed in that environment. Often, I want to help these folks succeed and let them know that maybe rolling their eyes in front of their boss is not a good move. Maybe a bit of positivity will help their career even if they're not a naturally positive person. Any tips?

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There personality is annoying? That’s personal. You’re suggesting someone needs to change their being for you. I would perhaps take a step back and see if it’s simply annoying to you because their approach is different to yours. If it’s wider dislike for their approach go for a walk and talk and suggest ways they can grow.

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"What I'm hearing is strong opinions expressed in an abrasive, overly aggressive way. it feels like an attack...." if you start a sentence with "You..." the person listening hears themselves being attacked, or judged - and immediately goes on the defensive. Start with an expression of your perspective and let them hear that their words are having a negative effect on you. it may not always work, but they are more likely to listen if they feel they simply need to change their approach to get you to agree with them.

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Use words like abrasive, harsh, or off-putting. And use and example that you have seen yourself.

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Specificity helps imo. Hey you're doing x and it's coming across as y. Opens the door to a convo rather than starting off as an accusation.

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Before you do anything, you need to figure out what annoying means. Getting into other folks’ head is dangerous territories because you might not really know what their personality is. What exactly is the specific behavior? How does it make you feel? And what’s that about with yourself. Is their tone of voice making you feel threatened? Is their way of addressing problems to get into minutia you don’t think are relevant and so you are bugged because they are taking up time and you’d rather do something else? Are they direct and authoritative? Are they a constant jokester when you feel the work is serious...and this can be true about a group of people and how they feel about a person. And then, does it really matter? What are the consequences if this person doesn’t change? Why hurt someone’s feelings or criticize them if it really doesn’t matter. Is there room for different communications or behavioral styles on the team? I would also do a check on whether there are other factors that differentiate this person from others. Or maybe think through people you respond to positively and what they might have in common. In terms of principles to follow Maya Angelou once said ask yourself: Is it necessary? Is it helpful? Is it kind.

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