{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "How do you tell your admin that how they talk to you isn’t okay with you (condescending and rude) without making it worse?", "post_id": "5f4eaa5bc7a6f3002eee41c5", "reply_count": 64, "vote_count": 17, "bowl_id": "5c751b9f2f6b98001bc666f8", "bowl_name": "Teachers" }

How do you tell your admin that how they talk to you isn’t okay with you (condescending and rude) without making it worse?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

I’m a former principal and currently supervise principals. If this is the first time something like this has happened and you feel like your principal is somewhat reasonable, I would recommend that you try to talk directly with them about what happened and how it made you feel and ask if they would be open to giving you feedback in a different way moving forward (not in front of the whole class). If this is a pattern of behavior from the principal AND/OR you’re scared to talk to the principal directly, I would recommend that you go to your union rep for advice if you have one. If your principal is completely incompetent or doing this to multiple teachers at your school, I would encourage you to reach out to the principal’s supervisor. Just be advised that email, involving the union, or taking this to the principal’s supervisor will escalate the situation. If you haven’t tried to resolve this by talking directly to the principal, I would try that first.

likehelpfulfunny

But also, if you try to have a direct conversation and it doesn’t go well, document everything.

like

My school has a PAC that is really proactive about this. As the chairperson of this committee I many times play go between for the principal and the teachers. Sometimes the principal is in the wrong and sometimes the teacher is being overly sensitive. It helps my campus to have the third party mitigation. One thing I have learned by doing this over the years is this. Remember that you are a human. Your principal is a human. Both of you are entitled to your feelings and both of you will have times where you misunderstand the intentions of the other. Communication is a two way street. Perhaps something you are doing is coming off wrong. Perhaps he really is a jerk. But know there could be more going on under the surface. Here is an example. A VP we once had was becoming snappy and rude in his responses with teachers. When I confronted him about it he confided that his wife had just been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and he wasnt dealing well. I then rallied the teachers to support him and he suddenly didnt feel so overwhelmed and stressed. He immediately became a nicer person. Just food for thought.

like
Recent IconRecent

Definitely bring it up to your union rep. Do not address the administration without union representation or directive on how the situation should be handled

likesmart

Some states do not allow teachers unions. The only way to really handle it would be to address the problem directly.

likesmart

Do not email! That can be misread. Go in person and tell them how you feel. They probably don't eben know they are doing it.

likesmart

I asked for a meeting with my principal about something similar and she never responded. The next time she requests to meet with me... I won’t be alone. I refuse to allow a person’s job title frighten me. If that door closes, God will open a better door for me. As far as the principal, you reap what you sow and you know what they say about karma.

like

I would start with "Did I do something wrong?" or "I just feel like you are upset with me" and then I feel statements lol

like

I did this with my previous admin. She admitted she had no idea and was so sorry! It deepened our work relationship and friendship too! Admin are people too.

like

At the risk of inciting gossip, it might also be a good idea to get a second opinion. Find another teacher who is low drama (even better if they’re at another school and don’t know the parties involved) and run the offending conversation by them. See if they also feel the tone was rude or condescending. Sometimes we don’t always have a good perspective on the situation.

like

If y’all go back to the thread above, the principal yelled at the teacher in front of students. That’s the rudeness referenced! 😱😡 Yikes! Union/teacher association!

like

Right? It was a thread within the larger thread! So sad when a leader doesn’t lead. 😭

like

I have never done this successfully and left my previous school because of the way my principal spoke to me. I was unwilling to put up with his aggressive tone.

like

Me too. Although I did try to tell my principal in an email and she never heard any of us. So I left, and I miss the school, she is retired now and how I wish I could be back! She almost destroyed me having to leave but she would have destroyed me yelling at me uncalled for in front of students. She was mean and disrespectful to her teachers!

I would do it in person with a representative from your union. Express how it makes you feel and ask if there is some way they could be more kind.

likesmart

I had a principal who was a bully. She would pick one vulnerably, nervous young teacher a year to pick on and make their life hell. It was her initiation, if you didn’t break she “liked” you the next year. She then moved on to the next. Karma- She was rude to a emotional parent and the mom jumped over her desk and broke her arm. Hmmm☺️

likefunny

That Principal's Karma was meeting 'the right one'. 2020 has been the year where you see what really lies beneath with people. Bullies beware.

like

Just found out that this admin has yelled at MULTIPLE teachers in front of their students this week. And the students are now making fun of us teachers for getting “roasted” by admin. We’ve lost our authority with them.

like

That is a perfect reason to request that the person doing the yelling get to work restring authority.

Do you want to tell them in person or by email? 😂

likefunny

Tone can be misread by email, that may not be the way to go

like

As a building rep and having a similar principal, i would speak with your union rep. When they speak like this it is an intimidation practice. It is not OK we are professionals and we should be treated as such. If you confront them you risk them taking it personally and then you become more of a target. The union rep can bring it up as there are teachers the feel............ Best of luck, remember we deal with out students and their education at least 80% of the time. We deal with administration at the most 20%. This perspective helps me refocus.

likesmart

I agree! Email can be rubbed the wrong way! Talk!

like

Mine knew what she was doing. Let’s just say she isn’t the best and not just I but several other school employees filed a claim against her. I would talk to her then email her for documentation. Don’t keep it in though. Keeping it in can lead to an anxiety attack or even worse it can get you sick and contact your union rep.

like

The district will back them up. We had 5/7 teachers leave and enrollment dropped. It was madness. They quietly transferred the principle a year later. System is messed up when communication can’t travel upstream.

like

Wow, it sounds like you work at our school. I’m sorry you have admin like us.

like

We have this same problem at my school. I think you need to say something in the moment. Professionally say something like "I hear what you're saying, but the way you're saying it makes me feel _____ because _____" They may not listen in the moment, but it will probably make them think about their choice of words or tone.

like

Assume good intentions. Start from there. Use I statements. What would you like a student to say to you if they felt you were rude to them?

like

I think everyone is way beyond stressed this year so no excuses for admin’s behavior. It happened to me and my admin was fired 2 yrs later, I guess the person mouthed off to someone higher up the chain

like

Related Posts

Are any other teachers told to be at work before you start getting paid? We don’t get paid until 7:45. Every week we are told to be there earlier and earlier. It is now to 7:10 and staying until 4pm. We stop getting paid at 3:15. Does anyone else have this problem ?

likefunny

Every year I get asked to join a union. I don't think I need to, of course, until I actually need their support. What do you think?

like

At what point did your College degree start paying off as compared to peers who didn’t go to college? I have multiple friends who have 0 debt work in construction/ unions making 6 figures since 20...

like

What would it take for us to become unionized? When will we push for this? We need unions to protect our hours or demand overtime pay for time over 60 hrs a week. What do you think, or know that's in the works?

likefunnyupliftinghelpfulsmart

Long shot but looking to move to union city, NJ and was wondering if anyone has any insights on how it is there in terms of safety and such. TIA!

like

Hello Fishes, What's the feedback about Western Union? WLB and Tech stack? I heard they still work in old technologies YOE: 7 Current Tech stack: Java / SpringBoot / Microservices

like

This Jon Oliver piece on unions has me thinking. Hmmm

like

Are there different unions for public/private schools? Is it affordable?

like

Senile old men of the Grand Old Party. A blot on American system and democracy. Can we just pack them in southern trash states and throw them out of union. We can even sell those states to Mexico take the cash and invest in making America more progressive

likefunny

Any interest in Thanksgiving Eve Drinks in Manhattan this arvo/evening? Thinking Union Square Area for those keen.

like

I am newly in a wheelchair and am unable to find clear information on the ADA website about what my job is required to do. I’ve talked with my Union Rep and they are checking. I’m requesting to be on a 504 plan, but I have no idea if they are required to add handicapped entrances or not. I know I have to scan my badge to use the button, but trying to scan my badge, open the door, and not drop anything seems a bit unattainable to me at the moment. Anyone have some insight or dealt with this?

like

Let's start an advertising agency union.

like

Does anyone know a good credit union for automobile loans in New Jersey? New to the process and want to do things right.

like

I knew a colleague last year that had to call on their union lawyer and make a case. I don't remember the details, but I know that they were glad they joined the union in the first place.

like

Is there a reason why we (ad agency employees) don’t have a union?

likeuplifting

Looking for a studio sublet or roommate near Union Square or East Village. Ideally 10/1 to 6/30 2020 but can have some flex. Appreciate any leads.

like

Hi fishes, I have given the pre-hire survey of Deloitte. I am a automation test analyst at TCS with 4 years of experience in automation and functional testing in various domain. I have 1.5 yrs of experience in selenium, 1 yrs of experience in SQL and 1 .5 years of experience in UFT. Can anyone please suggest the general questions they ask to testers? What is the level of difficulty? Do they ask java questions as well?

like

Any tech workers here in a union or know a tech worker who is? How do you find and join a union, and how would you say unionizing has impacted you?

like

Why are there no professional associations or unions in management consulting? We don’t have to study the same way lawyers/accountants/doctors do but surely we’d still benefit from having a professional society?

like

Additional Posts

With all my flights planned on United through the end of year, I'll be only one PQF away from requalifying for United Gold Status. Is it worth an extra $89 and a few hours of my time to reroute myself to BOS on my way to LGA, just so l get the extra PQF to reach Gold? If I don't, I'll be at Silver next year, but idk what material differences are b/t Gold and Silver besides upgrades at 24h instead of 48h. Worth it?

like

Have an offer on the table at a startup that’s $35K more than current big 4 salary for a Senior Manager role. Benefits package is very comparable (401k match, healthcare costs, fringe stipends for WFH). Startup has been around for 5+ years and has secured a solid, 9 figures of investor dollars. Is it worth the move and having to leave my extremely secure “network” and role at a Big 4?

like

Accenture fish: is there a way to link the AMEX corporate card with my personal AMEX account so I can get the points from corporate card purchases?

like

Do you care about the undergraduate / MBA program that your peers went to?

likefunnyhelpful

Are there any lawyers that moved to healthcare tech (non-legal related positions)? That would include medical devices, AI, robotics, etc. Would love to learn from your experience. Parents always wanted me to become a doctor, so did I. However, did not do very well around blood. :)) Thank you!

like

looking to build up my photography and cinematography book. i shoot mostly cars and lifestyle, have shot some product stuff. if you need someone scrappy and have a side project i’d love to help.

Tracking my NW over the past 3 years, monthly average savings is $2K. This is a mix of pre tax savings (401K,ESPP) and post tax savings (IRA,cash). Is this a good place to be in or need to save more?

like

Any suggestions on how to find referral for FAANG/MBB? Tried message recruiter on LinkedIn not much reply:(

Anyone know anything about the company slack?

funnylike

Just curious, in scenarios where one becomes an executive within a company, does their H1B -> GC -> Citizenship journey gets fast-tracked?

like

Any suggestions on how to negotiate suggested salary on offer letter for a second year analyst moving firms? I’ve already informed them that i have two pending offers.

like

What’s the hourly rate for a tech C?

like

Seems to be Deloitte and KPMG stopping all the H1B transfer?

like

Just started working at a big law firm about 3 weeks ago in a completely different field than I expected nor wanted to be in (but I needed to start working asap). I’m just a baby lawyer but I can’t stop shaking the feeling that I don’t even want to be a lawyer. Is this just nerves? the environment? or is this an even normal feeling?

like

With all the diversity programs, why don't agencies just stop hiring or promoting white men?

like

Do you always file an amendment for a new traveling client project OR just not file it and log time against your home state ? I filed for an amendment and they are asking me to send the client cont

Receiving any negative/constructive feedback scares the sh*t out of me. I had a toxic previous job experience with a manager who used any small thing as a means to scare me out of employment. Now at my new place of employment, if I do get a constructive comment or something to work on, a lot of anxious thoughts run through my mind until I can somehow calm down and go back to working somewhat productively again - but I always have that fear of being fired over it. 😔

like

What are some of the best consulting firms for digital strategy roles? Looking for a change and was wondering which of the T1/T2 firms have digital practices in Canada. I have applied to ATK and McK. BCG is working to establish their presence in Canada but their team is focused on establishing top down. Bain doesn’t have digital focus. Can anyone shed some light on other T2 firms?

like

Hey guys, super naive intern here! What’re the main differences between creative directors, associate creative directors, and executive creative directors?

likefunny

Are there any Partner firms that will not be requiring vaccination for employment? Family has history of genetic heart disease issues and several family members are experiencing adverse health complications following vaccination. Deloitte implemented mandatory vaccination requirement for return to office with no health exemption mention. Not here to debate the merits of the vaccine, solely interested in whether this is expected to be a de-facto Partner firm requirement across the board soon.

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Download Fishbowl to see what others are saying
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

Get realtime notifications and see
what's happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal