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I think you uncover more about a person after getting married. Its like the pre-sales and delivery phase of a project.
Questions like this make me apprehensive of the narrow minded judgmental people that will pop out of the woodwork, and betray what I sometimes dislike the most about Indian culture.
Even that fact that you ask it concerns me. What is different about divorce in the US than say India? What is different about divorced Indians vs Americans?
The question might have been misleading. I meant to ask how desis, who are based in the US, view divorce in general. Regardless of where it happened. I choose to reserve my personal opinion on this matter for the moment.
Why, do divorced people come from mars? If people marry for love, it should make no difference.
I don’t see what is wrong with OPs question. He/she is simply asking how things ‘are’ and not how things ‘should be’
It’s the same as if a female is traveling to India from the US would ask how are single girls traveling in metro perceived in India. Agreed that the perception ‘should’ be the same everywhere , but matter of fact is that the perception ‘is’ not the same.
To answer your question OP: Divorces in the US have favorable perception compared to say India. The same kind of perception brushes off to the Desis as well. Having said that, based on my experiences and anecdotes marrying someone who’s had a divorce is still not perceived as favorable within the Desi community. People typically end up with partners who had divorce(s) before.
There is a line between being racist and having a preference. Indians love white skinned people- on tv, movies and for marriage. Does that mean they hate the non white people? Id like to think No. btw i do not support any of these schools of thought but am fully aware that they exist and thats the reality
I would marry a divorced person, when I was looking for matches I spoke to multiple women who were divorced. My mom thought I was crazy, I told her and I still believe now that divorced people are more genuine who chose to walk out of toxic relationships and some are probably naive when they got married due to external factors, especially people divorced soon after marriage.
just curious to know if you ended up marrying a divorcee. How did your family receive it?
Agree with BCG1, but I don’t think it’s concerning . Just to extend the point, several posts here seek validation of the crowd for making personal decisions, which is a collectivist mindset normally associated with India. In the US , this will never come up. In India , urban centers should be aligned with modern ideology, others not so much. Indians in the US are sort of stuck between adapting progressive ideas while grappling with delayed progress back home. LGBTQ is a great example. When I got out of India, it was crime. I came to the US, things here were 20+ years ahead. Now India has made big strides. But I had to make adjustments to my thought process big time!
Though I understand it. It’s a clash of cultures.
Many desis marry for convenience.
In general, attitude is far more favorable, but it’s very much in pockets.There are a lot of desis still with the old school approach to life and/or holier than thou approach that these things are for “foreign” or “rich” or whatever type of people.
I’ll be frank, the desi community hasn’t really outshone itself on the social front. Yes desis have been successful in a traditional money making professional success seeking kind of way, but we are still being bombarded with prem jyotish commercials. Unfortunately, in my opinion we under value happiness and over value traditional metrics of life stages/success, this serves us better for some things and worse for others.
Net net, doesn’t change my opinion on anyone, personal shit is personal shit, everyone is fighting their own battle.
Fun fact: someone working with me once asked “apki SO foreigner hain, ajeeb nahi lagta”
Did they really say “foreigner”? 😬 I know of desis in the US, who call non-desi Americans “foreigners”. It’s always fun to explain to them that they are the foreigners, not the others! 😄
As long as frequency match, past marital status doesn't matter.
Dating one
Personally I wouldn’t even think of ‘divorce’ when it comes to dating a divorcee, same as how I wouldn’t judge someone for their past relationships and breakups. But I’d think twice and be more careful, if I was to date a divorcee with kids. Not that I am against dating them, but I’d wanna understand more carefully in early stages of dating about the other parent’s involvement before advancing too much.
If anything divorce is socially “more” acceptable in states ... not that it matters.. it could’ve been a toxic af marriage ! This shouldn’t be a deciding factor!
Someone asked me this a while ago and I decided then it didn’t matter to me. Met my husband a few weeks later and he was divorced, now we’ve been together for 8 years!
Old school beliefs that you can’t marry divorced people!
My wife from India married a divorced person and so far she seems happy :) for us it was why did you get divorced and transparent conversation
Such a narrow minded question
Heard about the phrase: Shoot the messenger?
Thanks so much for your rich perspectives and experiences, especially BCG2 and BCG3. In my eyes, divorce used to have a huge negative connotation. I certainly did not consider it a sign of a modern or progressive society. In some ways still an old fashioned in that I do believe in working on your marriage and not letting go of supposedly lifelong relationships at the drop of a hat. However, I have also realised that circumstances that lead individuals to separate are really personal and it is no one’s job to judge the couple or individuals that divorce. There must not be any stigma attached to it, especially as pre-marital relationships (and breakups) have also become so common amongst desis.