I used to think it nice to be able to leave at 5pm when you are a working parent... I was young and stupid and I apologize.
What games, toys, or science kits would you recommend for a kid who’s showing an interest in the sciences?
Wife is 7 months pregnant and I’m getting over COVID and we haven’t had sex for almost two weeks and I’m literally going to explode.
Wife hates me. She thinks I compromised when I married her. I didn't find her attractive but thought we were a good fit. Married over for a few years with kid on the way. Need suggestions.
Hello Fishes. 8.5 YOE . Automation Testing. Female with 2 year old baby. Prefer WLB over money.
Following offers in hand :
_VOIS : 22.10 LPA (19 fixed + 3.10 variable)
Nagarro : 25 LPA (23.75 fixed + 1.25 variable)
Intersoft Data Labs (formerly known as VServ) : 26.25 LPA (24.90 fixed + 1.35 variable)
Please suggest which to choose.
Dads of teenagers - parent of a toddler here. Looking for some honest answers. I know that every stage of parenting has its ups and downs, but I pretty much only hear about how much parenting a teenager sucks. So question - if you had to choose to relive the toddler stage or teenager stage, which would you pick and why?
Mommas - what are your favorite shoe brands for a baby who will soon be 1 and is trying to walk? Thank you!!
Hello! I need some advice as I have not been in this situation.Someone reached out to me via LinkedIn for a job opportunity (the hiring manager) and the opportunity seems exciting, I really enjoyed our conversation and the work I’ll be taking on, it’s something I’ve been wanting to do. I am 24 weeks pregnant and I did not let the hiring manager know because I’d feel horrible if they refused to give me the job because I am pregnant. When would be a good time to tell them?
Anyone have advice on reviving a marriage that hasn't gotten any attention for too many years because kids and work come first?
My husband and I are pretty good co-parents, which is great, but he isn't very responsive to my attempts to make time for romance, & the relationship has died down after 19 years. (Sex is good but the emotional connection isn't.) Last kid at home graduates in 5 years, and we may become one of those couples that divorces after the kids leave the nest.
How do you balance "taking care of" your child vs "catering" to your child? Esp littler ones 2-4 yo who do still really need a lot of help. I sometimes struggle to determine, am I taking care of you as your mother, or am I at your beck-and-call?!
Movado or citizen watch for Father's day gift?
I am getting back into the workforce and my job may require travel. Not only am I working but the father is out of state and not there physically to help. How do Manage traveling with a toddler? Should I bring my LO with me? How will I scout out good day cares?
Is it just me? I honestly can’t think of another word to describe these people by. Just despicable. Adopt a child from China, and “rehome” him? He’s not a pet. https://apple.news/AxGa24BfGQ1GEajah4BGjIQ
I’d like some independent views please, on a financial decision my wife and I are about to make. We’re looking to buy our first/dream home and the property is valued at $1.25m. We have savings of $250k and our HHI is c$350k, with no debt. We will probably exhaust our savings on the deposit and closing costs. A $1m with mortgage at 6% with property taxes is c$8k/month. We net about $14k, we think it’s just about manageable, however keen to get your views please? More context in comment below.
How much do senior level brand designers make at Amazon?
And if you work there or have worked there, what are the pros/cons?
What is the culture like? Any benefits? What bonuses? Paternity/maternity leave? Vacations? Anything!
Anyone else stuck in a job because they don't want to lose maternity benefits?
I'm actively looking to have children. Medical advice tells me not to put it off at all, it's now or potentially never.
I have been approached about new jobs, have found jobs that are perfect but they don't offer anything above the statutory mat payments unless you have been there for a year or two at least. As the main breadwinner stat payments would be devastating for us.
Anyone else stuck?
Have a two year old and another one on the way (due in September). Getting very anxious about the transition from one kid to two and also making my partner comfortable with the thought of spending way more time with my toddler in the future than before. Any specific things / strategies that have worked for you? For example, how do you handle bedtime, playtime, early mornings, weekends? How to set up childcare responsibilities between us so that when I come out of mat leave it's not all on me?
How do you sleep if you live in a small one bedroom apartment or studio with thin walls with a baby that wakes up briefly at night—ie 30-50 minutes of fairly loud babbling, calling out (not crying) before falling asleep again by herself—I end up waking up and having trouble falling asleep. I used to feed her to help her fall asleep again quickly but she’s 6 months now and I want her to sleep through the night. Any methods besides me using ear plugs? We use white noise but I can still hear her
130K / year - Meijer - Grand Rapids, MI - Senior data engineer.
Is this a good deal? Recruiter said 130K is fair enough for MI state.
I work in Seattle and another recruiter from some company said he can offer 150K (remotely work from Seattle)
What are the 3 personal questions you’d be willing to answer from a stranger knowing your answers would be anonymous?
Is anyone else attending dbt's virtual conference, Coalesce, this week? Do you have any favorite presentations? Here is an entertaining one "Down with Data Science" that does a great job of breaking down what companies really need before they can even support data science. Oh and definitely check out the Slack thread for some hilarious memes!coalesce.getdbt.com/talks/down-with-the-phrase-data-scientist/
Would regional firms be willing to negotiate title if they like you a lot? I’m not saying senior to manager but more like audit senior to advisory senior since at a smaller firm youll be involved more
Checking out the Met Ball last night!
Imagine a person lateraling into Big Law who has never had to do the billable hours previously. 1) What would be your best piece of advice? 2) What do you wish someone would have told you about billing when you started? 3) Is there maybe a book for someone entering the minefield on billing effectively and capturing time effectively? Thanks in advance!
According to the H&S report the average PE operator at a VP level is making $376k cash and $1.5M carry at work. Do we feel like that’s an accurate representation?
How much do you think the government could accomplish if they had the in house development power that FAANG companies do?
Looking to get pre approved for a first home mortgage. Any bank/credit union recommendedations? Can you also share the APR you were give? TIA
I have had landed couple freelance work in the past. 1 from a friend and the other from Salesforce AE.
I charged 100/hr and it was great side money.
Question for freelancers - How do you find clients? What are efficient ways to find them?
Does anyone have thoughts on CV vs ZS in London? Thanks in advance ZS Associates ClearView Healthcare Partners
I hit my 6-month mark tomorrow. I’d be lying if I said it was easy the last few weeks, work has really stressed me out recently but I keep reminding myself how much better things have gotten and go do something. I’ve found restoring old tools has been a great way to keep myself busy. Thank you all for the support, keep coming back!
Was having a chat with a recruiter who does a lot of work for me so out curiosity I am interested to hear what do consultants look for when they are moving into the industry.
- What are some of the key elements you look for vs deal breakers?
- What types of firms and industry are of interest?
Is Salesforce allowing us to work from anywhere from now on? I’ve asked HR and even they seem uncertain.
We need a vacation
I left the hospital system I worked at for 18 years in April. One of the RNs I used to work with got me in. The job is less stressful but I feel like I’m not using any sort of skill in my role. I can’t imagine staying until retirement, the work can get repetitive and boring and I just know I can’t do it forever. My husband is completely burnt out in his role and might have to take quite a large pay cut if he takes a new role. How soon is too soon to look for new roles?
We call our students by the name they tell us to call them. It’s not political or controversial to call someone by the name and pronouns they provide, it’s just respectful. I’m cis gender and use the name my mother gave me, but between junior high and high school I went through probably 15 different nicknames, trying to find what felt right for me. Not one person asked if I had permission from my parents to use a nickname, or talked to them to see if it was OK, and my mom worked at my school in junior high. Considering that, I really am unclear as to why anyone feels we need to talk with parents about using a different name for a child.
A lot of kids try out a new name or pronouns at school to see if it’s the right for before having that conversation at home. Some decide it wasn’t and revert to their legal name and original pronouns. Others go to adults at school because they trust them and may be fearful or the response at home. If a child is confortable taking to their parents about it, they would have. It’s not our call to choose that timing, nor is it our place to out children to their parents when this can literally produce a dangerous situation for them. Children and teens are regularly kicked out or physically or emotionally abused for their sexuality and gender identities.
Our policy is that we can’t change the name in the online system without parent intervention, but we can call them what they ask and that includes calling them one name at school and their legal name when calling home, based on their request.
I would ask you to explore where your desire to inform the parents stems from. Will it benefit the students’ academic success in any way? If not, why is that conversation needed? I reach out to parents to partner with them in their child’s success, not tell them the ways in which their child is exploring the world and discovering their place in it. Please consider very carefully how to proceed as it can cost you the trust of your students and possibly their safety.
I agree completely with you. The student should decide to talk to the parent. As a teacher I am there to respect the student’s privacy. If the student needs help or asks for help on this matter, then, yes, I will offer it. Until then, I will mind my own business.
First, never, ever, ever out a student. You could be putting them in harms way. You could be leading them to suicide or abuse.
LGBTQ+ students have enough to deal with. If they have not told their parents, there is a reason. That reason may be a lack of trust, zero understanding, or trauma/ abuse. --Not all abuse leaves bruises on your skin, but it damages your psyche. Don't think that all people parent from a place of love.
Next: we have zero problems with calling students by their middle names or diminutives, so this is no different.
I am not going to call parents for several reasons:
1. I don't need to. It's not in my job description to interfere in the social and home lives of my students unless they are being harmed or harming others. It is only my job to discuss academic success and any behaviors that interfere with that.
2. If parents want an open, loving, sharing relationship with their children, that is up to them.
3. More parents harm children who come out than you will ever know and I don't want to risk being the catalyst for abuse.
4. It is not my news to share. This is something deeply personal for each individual and I am not going to take their process out of their hands and create even more trauma.
Further, you cannot treat your students' parents as you wish to be treated as a parent. There are too many variables. Just like I cannot treat other people the way I wish to be treated. There are too many variables and a lot of people are not as open as I am. Filters matter. Keep yours in place.
Perfectly expressed. You’re 100% right on every point.
For many students, especially in rural communities, it might not be safe for their parents to find out about their identity or preferred pronouns. It is just best to respect the student's wishes and ensure school is a safe place for them to be who they are.
Especially rural areas? FFS, we're not a bunch of bigoted idiots in rural areas. Shut off the tv.
We call students what they ask to be called in class and put that on the seating chart, but their legal name remains in the official online system unless parents change it. I use their legal name in emails home. In replies (if they happen), parents tend to use the name they prefer for their child.
Same here with records vs in class names. Had one student ask to use a different name—third in three years—and when I looked at him, he shrugged and said, “I’m a work in progress.” And honestly, that’s the best description of a kid I’ve ever heard!
I call my students whatever name or pronouns they ask to be called, but I check with them first before I talk to their parents. If a student doesn’t want their parent to know, I don’t tell them. Doing so might put a student in danger. The number one protective factor for at risk LGBT+ teens is having support from trusted adults. Where I live many don’t have that support at home, so I try to respect the students’ wishes and their privacy at school.
Thank you for being there for your students.
Not all parents are loving to their students. If a kid doesn't want to be called a certain name at school, then that's fine. Some parents will react negatively and harm the child, either physically or mentally. Even though you would not, others would, and schools don't know. I have no problem in keeping the parents in the dark on that.
A parent who is properly showing love to their child will try to get them help for the mental illness of gender dysphoria...just as they would get them help for any other disorder; mental or physical.
I’m in a small rural school. I have worked with or know grown men who call themselves Skeeter and Doodlebug. I will call a kid whatever they want to be called. Period.
Just laughing thinking about calling grown men those names and then having other folks get their undies in a bundle over a Jane wanting to be called Joe. 😁
Call a kid by their last name then. It is not our job to hide things from parents or to lie to them. It is not our job to indulge in whims of children.
How about students who ask us to call them names not associated with sexual orientation? 'Straight' students we know are dating but their immigrant parents would send back to their home countries or American parents would send to some repentant camps if they know? Students who have drooped their parents' religions and refuse to respond to the associated names? Do I call home? No. I do my job - teach and keep them safe.
So, what makes this different? Sexual orientation?
I feel the same way! I work w too many kids who really do want to commit suicide. I don’t want to have any role in a child’s death by suicide. Additionally, I call CPS far too many times for my liking. Kids really do get hurt at home at the hands of their parents, and it happens more than ppl know. Parental abuse and suicide are more prevalent than ever before, the numbers are staggering.
I will not out a kid. It could literally mean the difference between life and death.
That said, names and pronouns are simply NOT a big deal. Would you call home if Andrew wanted to be called Andy? (There was an advice column once where a mom was livid because that was happening to her son and she yelled at the teacher, who then informed her that her SON was telling kids to call him Andy - mom wanted teacher to put a stop to it and literally everyone who commented decided Mom was overreaching and also a bit nuts. I personally had a Katherine in my class and her mom said she was okay with Katie but NOT Kathy.) Just call the kid what he wants to be called. Use pronouns they request or don't use any at all (it's awkward but possible - the plural "they" works well). It's not the job of middle or high school parents to tattle on kids and this is a non-issue that informing parents amounts to tattling. We inform parents when we are legitimately concerned about a kid. Playing with names and gender in high school is extremely common, may or may not be permanent, and not a life and death issue. It's building identity. Gender is all about performance and social norms. ALL of us perform our gender in different ways and in different degrees of femininity and masculinity, and settle with what works for us.
Under title IX students can use their preferred name and pronouns at school and don’t need permission from parents and the school can’t out kids to their parents.
My kid at 14 used this on their own and then told us because the school wouldn’t listen.
In NJ we are required to call the student by their preferred name without parental consent.
NJ, thanks for the clarification.
Your school needs to implement a formal policy so that you have guidance and are protected. At my school, students can request to be called by their preferred pronouns and teachers have to respect that. Parental consent is not required.
In CA we are legally obligated to use the preferred names/pronouns of our students per their own preference. We do not need to notify parents, even when it comes to changing their names in grade books/on our student database.
Thanks for the laugh react lmao. Kids die every year bc they don’t have access to spaces in which they can be their authentic selves.
I ask everyone how they would like to be addressed. It’s a basic right of all people. It’s right up there with the right to be clothed in terms of dignity. Who would have the audacity to tell someone what they are to be called? Everyone gets to choose that themselves.
All I know is that a parent may be happy and all that if I out their child based on where they stand on the issue. But I remind myself that if the child hurts themselves, die, or commits suicide as a result of my action, I can be charged with second degree murder/manslaughter because I'm indirectly responsible. And then the parent forgets the so-called good I think I've done because now all they want is their child back - gay or straight or queer.
what a stretch. that would make an interesting Lifetime Movie Network feature film.
You are right, the guilt enough will literally kill me.
We have a student who preferred they them pronouns and a different name. The parents however were very against staff addressing the student in the students preferred manner. Our admin tried to accommodate the student but several teachers used the preferred name at conferences and the parent flipped out. Our schools are at the parents disposal... It's important for identity for students to explore and for us to help them be comfortable, but we also have to balance how the parents see the situation. And I do believe that's still important, children are children for one. And we as teachers can't tell parents how to parent. There are many cases I wish we could but it's not that simple.
If a woman can be forced to carry a child to term because that child has a right to life, wouldn’t it be logical that that child also has a right to the name and gender they prefer, regardless of the parents’ opinions about that?
If a parent needs the school to tell them what is going on in their child's life, they need to examine themselves and their parenting. The whole pronoun thing is a right-wing political move to blame teachers for bad parenting. I have two students using other names/pronouns and it is not a problem. Even the students are OK with it. Society should stop blaming teachers for bad parenting.
Title IX is a federal civil rights law.
If your district/school wants to violate that, that is on them. Gender identity and sexual orientation, to include non-conformity to a cisgender assignment fall to this as well.
Do what’s right for you and your students.