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I think this depends on your parents and their personalities? Maybe set aside a few planning things that you want them to be a part of and specifically ask them to be a part of it?
Yup - my biggest advise it to be explicit as possible with what you want. They aren’t going to pick up hints, read between the lines, or involve themselves out of a sense of excitement no matter how blatant all of it is. At least if you sit down and say in calm plain language that you would like them to be involved and excited with you in the moment then the expectation is clear.
Just my $.2. I’m sorry your going through this and having to go above and beyond. I hope you can get your needs/wants met even if it takes some prodding.
My parents are like yours. I don’t think they really care, they are just glad that I am finally getting married because they think I am too old. They don’t really care who I am marrying. My mom basically acts like she wouldn’t even come to my wedding because of covid and she is not getting vaccinated. I’ve gotten better response/supports from distant relatives than from my mom.
My SOs parents are of the “thumbs up variety”. It’s amazing. They always ask (in a “what’s the news” way) and say “that sounds nice, just tell us when and where to be!”
My mother is a “backhanded opinion giver”. Eg she asked about save the dates yesterday, I told her we were doing a simple digital card (not mailing them). Her response was “oh I love when I get it in the mail and they have pictures of the couple on them. Will yours?” Things like that. It’s really irritating.
She keeps asking to be involved but was also the one who insisted on getting a wedding planner.
I think what bums me out in your original post is that they’ve never taken the time to get to know your SO ☹️
Oh OP I’m so sorry. Finding the right person takes time and dating, and then thinking you’re a promiscuous person because of that is just terrible.
Unfortunately toxic is toxic no matter if they’re your family or not.
It’s lovely you have his parents, sounds like they now have priority on visits and holidays 😊
No interest from either side here, sigh. I do think if I actually started planning, I could go to my mom for good advice. But she is long distance.