{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "How many of you have complicated relationship with your father? My father had an affair and hurt my mom all throughout...they r still married but I can't forgive him!", "post_id": "58d6e9aa4dfab2001080b46c", "reply_count": 16, "vote_count": 8, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting" }

How many of you have complicated relationship with your father? My father had an affair and hurt my mom all throughout...they r still married but I can't forgive him!

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My father was a heroin addict who abandoned me when I was 4, and my stepfather wass physically and sexually abusive until he wound up in federal prison (for other stuff). Count your blessings. I would give *anything* for a father who cheated but didn't beat or molest me. Your father is still in your life and has made a commitment to the family. That is a foreign concept to many of us. If your mom can forgive, maybe you should to.

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That's not a blessing lol. Your situation is just shittier...no offense

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Obviously she forgave him, you are only hurting yourself for holding onto the pain.

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That may have came off a little harsh but still, op's situation is not a blessing. I wouldn't know how to handle that either

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OP and A2- sincerely sorry that you both had and still have to continue to deal with such difficulties. I had a difficult relationship with my father but it didn't involve any abuse. I can't imagine what that must feel like. Though I recognize the situations are different for the two of you, I do think one way to find peace with situations is to forgive. Forgive doesn't mean forget though. And forgiveness is much more for your own peace of mind than theirs. I remember reading this on a meme at one point and it really helped me through difficult times- "holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." Even though you may not be angry, you still maybe punishing yourself by holding on to it. Anyways, hope you both find peace and happiness! 💙💙💙💙

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Holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Let it go. I know it's easier said than done. But that's the only way forward. Hope you find your peace.

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I wouldn't either

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Daddy issues are surprisingly common. Especially among high achievers.

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Dad left when I was 3. He emptied the joint bank account. Never paid a penny in child support. Heard he was a gambler and alcoholic. Don't remember anything about him. I do consider that a blessing

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Why do consultants always play the I am worse then you and look how much shit I got thru. And yes I do it too but I recognize it's a problem (not judging anyone just wondering if it's a consulting exclusive or just a social approach we have adopted) fortunately, I have had a wonderful father by many standards and for everything he has made me achieve I am thankful. OP and A2 sorry to hear about your parents. Not sure where I would be either. If the mother has moved on you should too or the anger will hold you back.

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PWC OP how can you say your situation is worse then someone who was molested as a child. Seriously. Perhaps you should get a shrink and focus on yourself and hope to get over what ever he has put your family through. Not sure if any of us are qualified to give you the help or advice you may need. Honestly

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EY1 is on the right track. You probably have trauma from these difficult experiences like many people who have faced dissociate situations and you should work through them with a good counselor you can trust. Don't think about it, just do it. If you don't like it you can stop. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you but it will let you share your story with someone who is the right one for you to heal with and most importantly find a good way forward for you.

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TMI

Oh mine s worse probably !! He hit me and my mother..the last time he hit me was 4 years ago! Now he is old and try to gain sympathy... I financially support them but can't forgive him.. Ever

Boundaries. Done.

Playing the who's worse is the worst competition doesn't help anyone. We all have our own crosses to bear and shouldn't use other people's suffering as a way to bolster ourselves up, because that will always prove unfulfilling in the end. If you are drowning ten feet under and I'm drowning 6 feet under, we are both drowning. How deep shouldn't matter. And OP, forgiveness is not the same as forgetting, and that is ok. But to Pwc 2's point, letting bitterness and anger continue to fester in you will only bring you and your family more pain in the long run. My father was abusive, and it took me a long time to learn this lesson. You don't need to trust right away or for a long long time perhaps, and you don't need to let yourself be manipulated emotionally either. I would however recommend trying to be as honest and purposeful as you can in your relationship with him. One step at a time. These types of wounds are best sealed over when they are replaced with new and better memories over the course of a lot of time.

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